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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy

8 replies

Lulu97 · 21/01/2020 21:49

I don't know what to do.

I've just found out yesterday that I'm almost 6 weeks pregnant. I'm not with the father, although I have told him. We were only together just over 1 month and have known each other for 3, we're still on good terms. We're both in our early 20s. The moment I told him I implied I do not want it, and neither does he. But it's still not sunk in, I've been ill and unable to eat the past week and hadn't had my period for over a week and I had thought it was due to stress from having broken up. The last few days I was wreching a lot and having cramps, sore breasts, the lot. I felt it was time I took a test... Straight away, solid bright blue positive cross. I rang the doctors today and have to drop in a urine sample tomorrow morning, I took another test today just to be 100% (as if the first one wasn't clear enough...).

The more I think about it as it's settling in, I'm not sure I want to go through with 'getting rid' of it. It would honestly be the worst thing I've ever had to do and in this moment I cannot think of anything worse.

I feel like there isn't anyone I can talk to about it because I've just found out, none of my friends want children but that's all I've ever wanted. I can't talk to anyone in my family about it either, definitely a no go.

I just don't know what to do, I really don't want to do this but I just don't know how to tell him that or to help him understand how I'm feeling about it all.

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Mummylanie3 · 21/01/2020 22:20

I think right now you have to concentrate on you and what you want obviously if you go through with this it will be as a single parent you need to ask yourself if you can do that do you have your own place or if your still at home will your parents let you stay or will you have to move can you support yourself and a child these are some of the questions you need to ask yourself if you can then go for it I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and have been single since day one the father left after I told him but I'm 35 have my own house and can support us as well as my 2 children I already have don't get me wrong at times it's been extremely hard and lonely and the hormones don't help but I just take each day as it comes

namechange1041 · 21/01/2020 22:29

If you weren't to keep the baby I wouldn't look at it as the worst thing you've ever done. If you can't give him/her a good quality of life then it would be the best thing to do for the baby IMO.

namechange1041 · 21/01/2020 22:33

If you want to keep the baby and you think you'd be able to manage with little or no help (? I assume because you can't speak to anyone?) then go for it.
Tell him you're keeping the baby and just see what he says.

Would you be expecting him to pay child maintenance? If so Id inform him of this also as he needs to take responsibility for his actions.

Original poster

Lulu97 · 21/01/2020 23:34

@Mummylanie3 I live by myself and have done the past five years, I know I could do it and I'm probably thinking about it too much too soon but I've never been in this position before

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Original poster

Lulu97 · 21/01/2020 23:39

@namechange1041 for me personally I don't know if I could go through with getting rid of it. I know I could cope by myself, I do have friends and family but none of my friends want children and know their opinion would be very biased whereas with family once one person knows, they all do, so it's difficult to talk to someone I know personally about it. I'll be honest I wouldn't expect anything from him, contact or financial support as it's clear he doesn't want a child right now. We're on good terms and he said he'd come to my appointments etc to get rid of it but we've not spoke about any alternatives and I have no idea how to approach it

OP posts:

GYNisaliarWTF · 22/01/2020 05:24

Lulu97 you sound like you just need a mate to have a cry on you poor thing. If you’re ready, you’ll know. Give it a few days to sink in first. I had the same issue years ago in my early twenties, I miscarried a week before the abortion was booked and felt it had been taken out of my hands. Speak to your doctor or get some advice from a clinic so you can understand exactly what will happen if you do ‘get rid’ - (that term sounds gross to me now but I get it honey)
Please feel free to give me a shout if you need that shoulder, I’ve been there and it’s bloody awful. Good luck

glasha87 · 22/01/2020 08:21

Hello! Big hugs.

I was 20 and had a baby; I was not with the baby’s father by the time she was born. I had a very supportive family, but I lived with her by myself from the day I took her home from hospital.
Fast forward 11 years, she is my best friend - she’s the brightest, strongest and wittiest person I know, she’s brightened my world from day one to this day.

I had an abortion at 27 - it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, but it was the right decision. Maybe this would have been different if I didn’t previously have a child (easier or worse, I don’t know). The aftermath was hard, but I do not regret it.

These were both my decision and both were the right ones.

I wish you the very best of luck with whatever decision you make. Make the right one for you

Hayley94 · 22/01/2020 11:11

I fell pregnant with my first at 16 after just a month with my partner, so completely get the shock.

My son is now 8 year old expecting his little brother or sister with the same Dad!

Don't rush into anything that you think you will regret x

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