Wythenshawe Hospital Maternity

[Gossipgirl14]

Hi All,

first time mum here who has no clue... I am having my first baby in May and will be having him at Wythenshawe Hospital. I have decided to have both my partner and my mum in the delivery room with me. I am so scared to give birth and the below is making it worse...

My MIL has taken it upon herself to invite herself to the labour of my baby. Her eldest grandson's mum changed her mind last minute about my MIL being in the room whilst she gave birth so she said she wants to be there for mine and if i changed my mind she would be heartbroken all over again... although I didn't get a say when she decided she was being in my delivery room.

I don't want her there and I know I might sound awful but she isn't my fiance and she didn't give birth to me and I just don't want a crowded room. Please give me some advise or tell me that a labour ward/delivery suite only allows two people in with you with no swaps?? Even then, shes saying if I can only have two people in with me then someone will have to swap with her. I can't take much more of this!

thanks in advance!

They allow 2 people but am not sure they will let you swap people during though, if your in the midwife led unit then the rooms are big and plenty of space without being over crowded.

Maybe explain your not comfortable or get your partner to explain to her xx

God she sounds awful. You have to put your foot down. It is true that most hospitals allow a maximum of two people, if you end up with a c-section then only one person will be allowed into theatre with you.

Your body, your baby, your labour so YOUR choice. It is a huge thing to go through and you deserve to feel as comfortable as possible. Tell her to do one and that it's not happening. I would tell my MIL straight. Not right of her to request someone swap must with her and personally, I think she should be told that her behaviour is NOT ok. Your partner should also back you up on this and talk to her.

Sorry you have this hassle!!!

Labour is an incredibly personal time, and I think its pretty selfish of someone to decide they were going to be there. Id be mortified if my MIL decided she wanted to watch me give birth. She doesnt know me as intimately as that.

Sounds like you'll just have to say no to her. Be firm. Say they only allow two people (which it sounds like they do anyway).

Tell her she can come and see the baby the day after though, or keep her busy and ask if she can sit the house whilst you're in hospital.

I completely agree with the above posters. You need to tell your partner how you're feeling about this and ask him to speak to his mum on your behalf. Every time she mentions it, he needs to jump in and firmly defend your rights to a calm birth.

We had a relative who we thought might turn up during a birth, it was in my 'birth plan' so that all staff knew I didn't want them with me and they weren't to be let into the ward.

Sorry you have to deal with this but hopefully partner will sort it!

Hi OP, I am at Wythenshawe and had my hospital tour last month - it is a 2 person max and they won’t let people swap in and out - there isn’t even a waiting room on the ward, so she’d have nowhere to sit and wait it out anyway. So you can use this in your favour!

But agree with other posters - I would also just be very firm with her about your wishes. You give them and inch and they’ll take a mile, as they say. Be clear with her now about your boundaries and make sure the midwives also know/have her name so if she just turns up, they can send her away so you don’t have that worry!

Absolutely not. You have every right to say no to this. I did. My Mil wanted to be there as none of her daughters had her there.... Irrelevant, nor am I. I love her to bits but it would be weird for me and therefore not happening and she respects my decision as should yours but you need to be honest with her. Good luck x

Thanks everyone, made me feel better. I spoke with my other half and he went off the rails. Said its out of order for me to change my mind so late on as she's been excited for 20 weeks etc. I was absolutely livid and kicked off saying how dare you make my labour and my anxieties about your mother. In the end, I spat out 'well you can hold your mums hand outside the room because neither of you are being there'. Whoops!

So all in all, looks like his mum is being in the room if I can have three people....

great

It seems like you cant have 3 people though, so thats your saving grace.

I'd also talk to you midwife about it. She'll be on your side and strictly enforce it!

Why is your OH siding with his mother and not you?! Glad you had a go at him, but don’t back down! As mentioned, you can only have 2 people in there anyway - get a hospital tour booked and OH will hear this for himself! It’s only one if you need a section too - I am booked for mine in just over a week so it’ll just be me and DH, no one else.

As PP says, chat to your midwife about it too - if there’s anyone you don’t want in the room make sure they know and (in their own words to me) ‘we’ll act like bouncers and keep them away!’

your OH is being a prick. When he pushes a human being out of his body he can have whoever he likes in attendance. Your birth, your choice. He needs to step up and support you. You need to be as relaxed as possible for your labour to have the best chance of progressing well, and having your MIL invite herself along is not helpful.

Tbh I'd be telling him he can sit this one out too.

What on EARTH is your OH playing at? Is he such a mummy’s boy that he’s scared of upsetting her? So he’d rather upset you instead? You need to change that, OP. Sounds like you have made a good start. He needs to extract his head from his arse pronto.

Be firm on this. It is an intimate moment of your life, and your MIL is a prize prat and a set-centred cow if she thinks it’s in any way appropriate for her to be carrying on like a toddler having a tantrum, just because she isn’t going to be allowed in to gawp.

Don’t worry about upsetting her. She was overstepping massively to even ask, let alone try and bully you by making out she will be all offended and upset if she doesn’t get her own way. She’s certainly not worried about upsetting you, is she? Was her own MIL in the room with her when she gave birth? Thought not.

You only get to birth this baby once. Don’t let anyone ruin it for you.

And don’t forget you have the power here, because you are the mother of the baby....

I couldn’t think of anything worse than having my MIL there whilst I give birth! Then again, I also don’t want my own mother there.

I get stressed very easily and anxious as it is without having them tell me “you can do it!”. I fear some relationships would be broken if either of them was in there haha.

I’m due in June and also at Wythenshawe hospital! Feel free to message me if you ever want a chat. I’m a first time mum too ☺️

Tell your DH that you fully expect your MIL to let you know the next time she needs a poo, then she will need to get her kit off and sit on the loo with you watching closely and commenting.

If she won't allow that, you're not allowing her in the delivery suite.

Absolutely agree @Poppinjay !!!!

That response made me laugh but it's so true! It's such a intimate time. You leave your dignity at the door and pick it back up on the way out. No way I would have anyone there that wasn't completely and utterly comfortable with in every way.

Xx

Your oh is siding with MIL instead of you? Bonkers
No way would I allow Mil to birth of my children although we get on fine. She knows that that would be crossing a boundary so didn't bother asking (nor did my own mother)

Pleased that your own Dm will be there. Be clear with the midwives that you only want her there and they'll enforce it. Dh and Mil will have to sit in the 🚗!

Also make it clear to your OH that you never agreed to it in the first place so no changing of mind has happened