Relationship in tatters

[anony88]

Hi all,
I don't know what to do about my marriage.
I've been with my husband for 11 years.
We have a 2 year old and another one due to arrive any day.
I feel totally unsupported by my husband, he works long hours then goes out every other evening. He was out Friday night and all day Sunday from 9am - 8pm.
He doesn't seem to care what this means for me, I'm providing all the childcare with zero chance of any alone time or a social life.
We've "talked" about it hundred times. I've moved on to silent treatment because obviously talking doesn't help.

Now I just don't know what to do.

I don't want to walk about just as our baby is due and cause stress for my 2yo (not that she'd notice if he was living elsewhere, she'd see him just as often.)

What do I do?

You poor thing. This sounds so difficult. I'm sorry, but I have no useful advice to give you, just wanted to offer sympathy.

What on earth is he doing all that time?!

You're essentially a single parent. In fact, if you did separate you'd get more respite in the long run.

He sounds like a waste of space.

I hope you can find a good balance. I think you need a serious chat with him, at the minute it sounds you’d be better off without him. Your happiness is important too, don’t ever stay with someone who makes you feel lonely in the relationship. I’ve been there. Xx

What's the financial situation like? Can you ask him to move out?

I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through this.

It can be very hard when your partner works long hours.

What is he doing at the weekend? Does he do shift work?

I haven’t been in exactly the same position but quite similar. I got fed up of being treated like a maid/hotel and talking about it never led to any changes. So I suggest laying down some ground rules - for example, if he isn’t home by 7pm there is no dinner, he has to wash his own clothes, etc. You could also say that every night he goes out, you get one too. So if he goes out Friday night, he stays on Saturday and you go out (even if you just go and chill at a friends house) and/or have a family day

You are in a partnership and if he isn’t holding up his side, you aren’t obligated to do things for him in return

And what were things like pre DC?