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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Partner getting a new job with new baby - advice please!

18 replies

ejmay90 · 14/01/2020 12:44

Hi All,

I'm due 1st May and my other half has been looking at getting a new job for a while. He's had interviews and has a 2nd interview for one job tomorrow. We have been discussing him getting a new job when our first baby is due soon and whether it is the right thing to do right now or not.

This new job will be longer hours, more work at home in the evenings and will include travelling a little and once a month socials with work colleagues.

On the other hand it gives us more money which means that won't be as much of a stress. As we will be looking to move house when baby is around 18 months old and we will need all the money we can get, as i'll be part time by then.

We have agreed on pros and cons for him taking/not taking a new job yet (would postpone until baby is around 6 months old)

He also says he wants to be around more for his son as it's both our first child, as his current job is flexible. He can do it with his eyes shut and can start at 7 and be home by 3, which will be a big help especially with a new born. He also has more backing from work with if he needs to come home/appointments ect, whereas he will be in a probation period with a new job for 6 months which could mean he won't have much flexibility.

Has anyone been in this position, if so whats your opinions on taking the job if he gets offered it or postponing until baby is here and were more settled?

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dementedpixie · 14/01/2020 13:05

He won't get paternity leave/pay in the new job so that's something to factor in as well

Original poster

ejmay90 · 14/01/2020 13:09

@dementedpixie

That was something we thought about as well!
They know were having a baby and did ask him a lot of questions and seemed supportive about it. Have since asked him back for 2nd interview which is obviously a good thing. I am going to get him to confirm the paternity leave/pay tomorrow as that is definitely another thing to think about!

Thank you

OP posts:

Christmastree43 · 14/01/2020 13:13

Hi OP, I'm sort of in the same position, I'm due in July and DP is changing jobs next week.

However it's a much better job for him, loads better pay, less travel, less early mornings and he's closer to home.

Disadvantages are obviously that he won't now get paternity rights.

My worries are that this is an unnecessary/ unwanted stress when you're expecting and with any new job you have no idea how it will turn out - will he hate it, will he be successful etc (my DP is in sales so has moved to this job for a much better basic but still have commission worries).

However our baby was a surprise, we found out at 10 weeks when he'd already arranged the job, and it is very obviously a much better move for him so I'm comfortable with us as a family sacrificing paternity leave.

I'm especially focusing on the fact that we will be a lot more comfortable financially with his wages now, especially as we'd just taken on a huge mortgage when we found out and the house needs a lot of work 😧

Don't know if my story has helped but I would say focus on the positives and that this is hopefullt the right move for all of you as a family

Original poster

ejmay90 · 14/01/2020 14:27

@Christmastree43

Thank you for your reply.

Difference with my story is it's more hours, more travel (not too much more) and it means him starting later. Whereas i would rather him up and at work at 7 and back by 3, this will be more of a 9am start so finishing later. We both love the gym also and we both aren't going to sacrifice it but know length/amount of sessions will change. I just know if he then goes to the gym a few nights after work he wouldn't be back until 8/8.30 which then means not much help for me. I know this wouldn't be all the time if at all, as may become too stressful but i do worry.

The no paternity would be a shame but just means his first few months pay would have to account for what we don't get in paternity.

My OH is also in sales and it's a little different to his current job, with this job i worry he won't like it as it's going from managing his day himself and going where he likes 5 days a week to maybe stuck in an office 5 days a week if he doesn't have meetings which is just not him. It's also the pressure like you say of commission and hitting targets which worry us both.

It has helped, thank you :)

OP posts:

McHelenz · 14/01/2020 14:38

Dont assume they won't get paternity leave. My husband had been out of work and started a job in December and our baby is due any day now. He's being granted his 2 weeks paternity.

Original poster

ejmay90 · 14/01/2020 14:56

@McHelenz

We aren't sure if he will or not until after his 2nd interview. I'm just wondering though if they grant it will they pay him. Is your husband getting paid for it?

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 14/01/2020 15:00

It would be at their discretion as he wouldn't qualify for it. He would need to discuss it with them

EstebanTheMagnificent · 14/01/2020 15:13

DH got a new job when I was pregnant with DC1 and negotiated paid paternity leave as part of his remuneration package as he wouldn't otherwise have qualified. He was head-hunted for the role, however, which made it easier.

McHelenz · 14/01/2020 15:17

@ejmay90 we arent sure about the pay...but we think he may do, theyve not mentioned otherwise. However we knew as time went on and he was struggling to find work that we may have to sacrifice the money for him to be off.

minipie · 14/01/2020 15:18

A later start is actually super helpful with a new baby as it gives you a chance to get yourself up and dressed and more in a position to get out of the house for baby groups etc

I’m sure he can manage with fewer gym trips for a few months.

I think it really depends on how tight things are financially in the current set up - will the extra money have benefits like enabling you to take more leave? Also how likely is it that he can get a similarly good job in 6 months’ time?

WatchOutLurkerAbout · 14/01/2020 15:24

My husband lost his job when I was 7 months pregnant. He ended up having to take contracting work. Which meant that he was working from home, we have a garden office.

However, he had no leave at all, more pressures, more expectations and more risk.

Our son was born at 3.30am on a Saturday after three days of labour. My husband worked the whole thing and took me to hospital after he finished work on the Friday. He then went to work on Monday. It was hell for him and really really hard work for me. He had to be logged on and in the garden office on skype from 8.30-5.30 every day with a 45 minute break. Luckily my mum was close by to help some days.

Took months for him to bond with our son from exhaustion and stress and honestly is his biggest regret. But we had no choice. He needed a job and that's what was on offer.

Sorry not more positive and not the same just sharing our story!

Original poster

ejmay90 · 14/01/2020 15:47

@WatchOutLurkerAbout

Thank you for you response as good to see both sides.
That sounded awful for a while but hoping he's now bonded with his son!
Luckily he isn't out of a job and should hopefully get 2 weeks off, even if that is unpaid.
This is what i don't want to happen, him to get stressed and struggle to bond from spending less time as he has already said he wants to be around for his son. I don't want him to regret taking a new job.
We have a choice i guess so can choose if it will be better to postpone the job for a few months.

Thank you for your story, that is helpful!

OP posts:

Original poster

ejmay90 · 14/01/2020 15:49

@minipie i do see your point there about getting up for baby groups ect so he could help in the morning. I guess it's would i rather him around in the morning or afternoon.

The extra money won't affect how much leave i take, it will just affect how much we can save during my maternity for a new house.
That's the thing, im not sure about if he could get one as good in 6 months but on the other hand a better one could come up. Who knows!

OP posts:

WatchOutLurkerAbout · 14/01/2020 16:08

Honestly if you have the choice I would always say take anything that'll give you leave. You have no idea what your baby is going to be like and if they're a sleep refuser, or you have a bad birth or anything you want the most options and security as is humanly possible.

However, you get through and find a way and it's fine in the end. Our son is two now and by the time he was one he became a proper daddy's boy but it did take a long time. DH is still a contractor and we're undergoing fertility treatment for our second child. DH is determined no matter what to take time off if we manage to have another child. For all our sakes!

Original poster

ejmay90 · 14/01/2020 16:12

@WatchOutLurkerAbout

That's great thank you. That's what i said to my other half, we have no clue how he's going to be and how i am going to be either as it's our first child!

Can i ask was your husband working extra hours or just the 8.30-5.30 a day?
Aww i wish you well and hope when it happens your Husband can take more time with the next one :)

OP posts:

LH1987 · 14/01/2020 16:15

If he gets offered the job, he could negotiate the terms before he decides to accept of not. Maybe he could ask to work from home 1 day a week or do a compressed week. He could also try to negotiate paternity leave. If they want him they may be willing to offer this. Any job offer is just an opening position to be negotiated.

Original poster

ejmay90 · 14/01/2020 16:24

@LH1987 Yes we discuss it would all need to be negotiated and we won't accept unless we are happy with the outcome. Problem with working from home is our house isn't massive and with a crying baby, a needy dog and me at home i don't think he will be able to concentrate lol!

OP posts:

WatchOutLurkerAbout · 14/01/2020 16:24

Some weeks he had to work more but the boss did his best to let him out at half 5 as much as possible. Our son did not sleep, had severe undiagnosed reflux and CMPA. So the first few months were extra difficult. We used to split the night so I could sleep I'd go to bed 7-2 and he'd go to bed 2-7.30. We were bottle feeding. I don't know how we'd have coped if I was breast feeding in those early days.

But LH is right you can definitely try negotiating if he gets an offer

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