Pregnancy after MMC - dealing with anxiety

[Bakewell1401]

Hi all,

Just looking for some advice. I had a MMC in 2018 and an now pregnant again after a long year of trying. I'm approx 10 weeks and struggling a bit with anxiety. The MMC was discovered at 10 weeks, baby measuring 8+2 and no heartbeat. We had seen a heartbeat at 7 weeks. I've had two scans this time, the last at 8+6 and everything seemed ok but I sometimes fall into thinking the same will happen at my 12 week scan this time round as there was nothing to suggest anything wrong last time.

I know logically odds are in my favour as they are in anyone's, that what will be will be and to just look after myself as I normally would but some days are much harder than others.

Does anyone have any advice or practical tips if you've gone through similar?

I thought about having another early scan but I think I am only reassured for the 5 mins I'm in the scan as its such a snapshot. I've been trying to tell myself unless there is any bleeding or cramping, you have to assume all is ok

Thanks for reading x

I am so sorry to hear about your MMC

I went through a similar situation earlier this year before my current pregnancy.

I found the first few months of this pregnancy very, very difficult and even as I approach the finish line I feel on edge all the time, so I can’t promise any miracles but hopefully may be able to help a little!

I had early scans but, like you, as soon as I walked out I was worried again. So I stopped doing them - they just got me worked up for days beforehand

I tried to take one day at a time. It’s not easy, but when I found myself worrying I tried to do something to root myself in the moment, like going for a walk, knitting, etc

I also kept busy with overtime at work, making sure I had something arranged whenever I was off, etc to minimise the time I could spend worrying

I also talked about it. A lot. My hubby found this hard - he felt like I was working myself up, but for me actually vocalising my worries helped me to see that they were spinning out of control, not something I could change, etc and once it was out, I was ok for a bit

Also, stay away from google!! I didn’t and it made everything 100 times worse

But ultimately, I just had to grin and bare it. It does get easier! For me, it’s never gone away and even now I fly into panic over every little thing......I’ve lost count of how many times my midwife has had to tell me that baby not moving for 30 mins is not reduced movement!

Good luck :)

Thank you @Eggcellent29. That's genuinely helpful. The google thing is a big one for me - even Mumsnet to a degree as you often find women here with worries/worrying symptoms as they are equally looking for support but that can amplify my anxiety I think so good to be reminded to focus a bit more in the moment.

All the best with the final weeks of your pregnancy

I have had two miscarriages and two healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies. Dealing with anxiety in early pregnancy has been challenging for me. In the end, I have had to recognise that my anxiety will never be solved through enough testing - there is no amount of money I could spend on private scans that would appease my worries. Instead I have tried to address it as I would any other anxiety and mental health issue - I have found meditation apps and CBT techniques really useful. In the end I cannot control or change the outcome of my pregnancy. I have to call it a mental health problem and try to tackle it that way.

@Bakewell1401

Yes deffo for MN too! It’s a tricky balance between reaching out to find other people who understand how you feel and scaring yourself shitless with other people’s worries!

I forgot to say - I also found it helpful to tell myself

“Different pregnancy, different baby, different outcome”