Visitors after birth.... AIBU?

[Mumtobe87]

Hi all
Just had a massive row with my parents about this.
Basically my due date for c section has been brought forward 2 weeks. Although nervous, glad to be having it sooner as I've not enjoyed pregnancy plus was thinking I'd have 2 peaceful weeks after the birth to settle in with baby and adapt plus recover with the c section before having visitors.
However just found out my mum has told everyone my new date including her annoying judgy cousin who I've only met 3 times who has said she will come and visit me the day after the birth while I'm still in hospital..... Not even my in laws/close relatives will be visiting until I'm home as I'm only in for a day and a half and they appreciate I want some time settling in. I've also got my dad goin on about his sisters visiting me at home (I only see them once every 3 years if that) when I said I'd rather them go to my parents and ill pop round with the baby so I don't need to do any cleaning for visitors so soon etc and he's just said I'm causing tension for him with his family. Take into account my parents never visited any of their siblings grandchildren when they were born etc and only met the children once for the first time at a family do when the kids were about 4 years old.... I get the impression my parents want to show off as its their first grandchild but I'm feelin extremely pressurised about this. AIBU? My mums just text me sayin to 'get on with it' 'let us know when we can make an appt to see YOUR baby'.... Is it me?! I feel like I'm in cukoo land right now!

You are absolutely not being unreasonable!

I've been scared of a few things in relation to my gran who means well but can be completely too 'smothery' so feeling you.

I think you need to stand firm, it's your baby and your new family to adapt to so unfortunately no one else has a say, regardless of who they are. Visiting baby is so exciting yes, but when you've been through surgery, will be exhausted and need to get to know your new baby, hosting lots of people you don't see a lot wouldn't be top of my list!
Perhaps just send a 'final' type message that whilst you appreciate everyone is excited, you really need the time to yourselves and will let people know when you're ready

Don't need them. Your baby won't be a trophy for them to pass around and show off. Best thing you can do now is tell them the date has changed again to 4-5 days later. Then go and have your baby on the arranged date, advise nursing staff that you are not happy to have any visitors if anyone did get wind of it. Then come home and let those you want to know that your baby arrived. Your parents can be pissed off if they want but they have completely disregarded your wishes by telling relatives. After you get home, if people arrive unannounced and you're not up to visitors, don't be afraid to run upstairs and let Dh tell them it's not a good time. Set those boundaries now. You and Dh are in charge of when people come to your house.

Should read 'Don't heed them'

No, not unreasonable at all. My mum dropped into conversation that my auntie, who I see maybe once every 3 years was looking forward to visiting us. She has not once congratulated me on my pregnancy, texted me to see how I am - not that I expected her to. However, taking all that into consideration I find it odd that she would expect to come and visit us!

I just told me mum straight that we were only having grandparents at the hospital and select people visiting at home in the early weeks. Certainly not people who have not so much sent a text to me for 9 months.

It’s a special time and even if people think it’s selfish, so what. You need to do what’s right for your and your little family. It’s also my mums first grandchild so is understandable excited but you have to be honest - it’s your baby.

I would wait a couple of days and tell them a white lie that the hospital has given you a new later date.
Then you don't have to worry and can tell them when you are ready for them to meet your baby.

For a start don't bank on being home after a day and a half. I had an ELCS in August and was in 3 days because of issues with dd and jaundice. You never know what is going to happen.

I was quite happy to have visitors at home straight away but honestly felt so wiped out I just told people that and they left it a few more days. Plus we had dd1 to consider and felt it was a bit full on.

You need to stand your ground. Don't mention time scales, you might find after 5 days you do want visitors, you might not. Whenever it is mentioned just repeat to them: I am having major surgery, adjusting to life with a newborn, recovering from surgery and establishing breastfeeding (if that's what you're doing). We will tell you when we feel up to visitors. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.
Even if you have a straight forward birth, those first few days should be all about you holding, feeding, cuddling your baby - not being passed around relatives you barely know. Stand your ground, ask your partner to back you up too.
I put a brave face on and had lots of visitors soon after the birth of my son and it made me so anxious.

Your parents sound unreasonable if anything. Maybe give them a wide birth for a while, might make her see sense

Them**

I must admit I think I'll be in longer than 2 days however I still don't want visitors... I don't know any new mum after a c section that would! If this was over 'close' relatives I'd understand but I'm so annoyed this is over people I barely know and not spoke to in years

I've also got my dad goin on about his sisters visiting me at home (I only see them once every 3 years if that) when I said I'd rather them go to my parents aI've also got my dad goin on about his sisters visiting me at home (I only see them once every 3 years if that) when I said I'd rather them go to my parents and ill pop round with the baby so I don't need to do any cleaning for visitors so soon etc and he's just said I'm causing tension for him with his family

Tell him that the discomfort he is going through for a perfectly reasonable boundary is a piece of piss compared to the discomfort, pain and danger of major abdominal surgery with a newborn baby to look after immedistely after the end of it.

My mums just text me sayin to 'get on with it' 'let us know when we can make an appt to see YOUR baby'

Deliberately misunderstand her and tell her thank you for understanding, and you'll be in touch as soon as you're both well enough for visitors.

You're SO not being unreasonable! Stand your ground and make sure your partner and all the hospital staff are on board too.

Oh, and depending on how you're feeling, offer these random aunts a visit in a cafe if there's one close by then you and DH can end it and leave as soon as you've had enough, and you're paying somebody else to fetch their drinks, food and clear up!

I'd just text back
Will do Mum 😁x

Wtf is wrong with your mother? Tell her to make it her business to make sure the cousin doesn't come anywhere near the hospital or she will be uninvited too! Good luck, I hope it all goes well :)

Don't lie about a date..
Just say no.. No Visitors at hospital.. Even if they turn up. And do it on your terms.
Be straight and honest.

She's right... it is "YOUR baby", so you stand your ground. But please don't let the situation stress you out. Just think, if they fell out with you over It, they're going to sound like right numptys telling people "She wouldn't let us and a family of strangers see baby straight away"... I'm due my first baby in April and can already feel the tension and comments I'm gonna get from not letting anyone kiss her! x

In your circumstances I would stand my ground.

When I had Dd2, straightforward birth I was home in 6hrs. All of my siblings(5) came to the house as did my Inlaws.
But I was comfortable with that. I got to sit back and they fussed around me.

Good luck with your new arrival.