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Original poster

OH being away near due date

19 replies

heartburnhelp · 12/01/2020 11:30

Hi. Looking for an impartial view on this before I make any requests to OH.

He has an evening with friends planned a couple of weeks before due date. I hoped he would come home after but he has hinted at staying the night instead which I assume involves drinking.

Would it be unreasonable of me to ask him to come home instead and moderate how much he drinks (public transport, not driving)?

OP posts:
Tableclothing · 12/01/2020 11:34

How far along are you now and how has your pregnancy gone so far? How long would it take him to get to hospital from the venue? How could you get to the hospital if you needed to?

shutupsteph · 12/01/2020 11:34

Definitely not unreasonable. From my 33rd week I told DP that I didn't want him staying away from home (his close friends live quite far away so it was frequent for him to do so) and I'd prefer him not to drink so much that he's over the limit, regardless of whether he was going to come home via public transport etc, and he was happy to oblige. I'm at 39 weeks and still not popped but knowing our luck the one night he drinks too much or stays away I'd go into labour!

Boymummy3 · 12/01/2020 11:38

How many weeks before your due? and I persume he is going far if he is thinking of staying over?
Personally depending where abouts he's going etc I would ask that he came home instead of staying over just incase.
My DH didn't drink as much over Christmas as he usually would just incase I went into early labour even though I'm only due in 2 weeks.

Original poster
heartburnhelp · 12/01/2020 11:45

Thank you for the quick replies!

I am currently 24 weeks and haven't had any issues since early pregnancy so all seems to be going well. But it's first baby so no experience of labour.

It will be 2 weeks and 2 days before due date and he is going to London. Would take about two hours to get back on the train and if I went into labour after the trains stop then he'd have to get a taxi I suppose!

I would also have to drive myself to hospital as we have no network where we live. Or get a taxi if I couldn't drive. The hospital is only ten minutes away.

If he does stay then I'd insist that his phone is kept on loud all night and that he doesn't drink excessively.

Although based on your responses I think I'm going to ask him to come back...

Hope that's not too much information, sorry Smile

OP posts:
Eggcellent29 · 12/01/2020 11:48

I don’t think I’d be happy about a couple of weeks before as the baby could easily come at this time - every baby in the last two generations of my family has arrived around this time so maybe I’m just paranoid!

My DH is going away for a couple of days when I am 36 weeks and I’m jumpy enough about that 🙈

Could he move his night out forward a couple of weeks so it’s not so close?

Original poster
heartburnhelp · 12/01/2020 11:49

I think I've been quite chilled about other things. For example he is going to a festival about a month after the baby is due for a few nights. I also know that it's unlikely I'll go into labour early. But if I do and he misses it I will be absolutely gutted and hope he will be too! For what it's worth my mum had very quick labours.

OP posts:
Original poster
heartburnhelp · 12/01/2020 11:50

Thanks for replying @Eggcellent29. It's a organised event so no scope to move it. I'm going to talk to him about it today and explain my worries.

OP posts:
Tableclothing · 12/01/2020 12:24

For example he is going to a festival about a month after the baby is due for a few nights

Totally a personal thing, but I would be fine with him being a couple of hours away two weeks before baby arrives and absolutely not fine with the above.

2020BetterBeBetter · 12/01/2020 12:26

It doesn’t matter what we think because it comes down to what makes you feel comfortable and reassured. If you don’t want him to go, then ask him not to.

Engard · 12/01/2020 13:09

Generally you'll get some hints that labour is approaching in the days running up to the main event. Plus, you'll probably be labouring for hours, plenty of time to call him and get him home.
If you suspect labour is approaching, ie you lose your plug or midwife examines you and baby is engaged then request he stays home.

lllllllllll · 12/01/2020 13:52

I would also have to drive myself to hospital as we have no network where we live.

Is it even possible to drive yourself when you’re in labour, out of interest? First time mum here too and clueless!

Original poster
heartburnhelp · 12/01/2020 16:33

No idea @lllllllllll I'm probably very naive!!

OP posts:
2020BetterBeBetter · 12/01/2020 16:57

Is it even possible to drive yourself when you’re in labour, out of interest?

Early labour, then yes. However, it can ramp up very quickly which would be dangerous. For some women, their waters go and that’s usually easy to spot.

firstimemamma · 12/01/2020 17:11

I'd ask him not to go personally. First babies can come early.

My friend's baby arrived at 37 weeks. She'd have been buggered if her fiancé had gone on a trip and been under the influence!

It's not worth the risk imo.

My fiancé missed his own brother's wedding because we were expecting ds. Ds didn't come until 41 weeks in the end but we obviously weren't to know that at the time and weren't comfortable running the risk of being far away from home.

Quartz2208 · 12/01/2020 17:16

if you have a quick labour no you wouldnt be able to drive that easily or safely

I think you need to properly discuss with him the implications of a baby a festival a month after the baby is due for a few days could mean you are left with a 2 week old baby! If you have a c section on your own for a few days unable to drive or easily pick up. I would be quietly rethinking that as well

SallyOMalley · 12/01/2020 17:24

With Dc2 I had an elcs planned. However, DD had other plans and chose to make an appearance about 10 days before when I was about 37 weeks. DH had in fact gone for a drink after work that night and was about an hour from home.

Thankfully, when my waters broke, he was coming into the station ... DD arrived an hour later . A bit too close for comfort, that one!

So, it can happen, although I appreciate my experience was faster than most. I'd ask him not to go.

T0rt0ise · 12/01/2020 17:27

Is there someone else that could come and stay with you that night, just in case? If not I'd say no and I'm fairly relaxed. In my head up to 36 weeks is fair game, after that I'd want someone around to drive me to the hospital if needed (driving myself, even in early labour, doesn't seem like a great idea to me).

strawberry2017 · 12/01/2020 17:43

Nope! Not acceptable at all! He needs to be close by and prepared to be useful should you need it.
Too close to due date for a night away on the piss!

Original poster
heartburnhelp · 12/01/2020 17:44

Thank you for all of your replies. I spoke to him about it earlier and he said that he had no intention of staying the night or drinking. So that was me thinking the worst. He'a looking at driving instead as it's on the outskirts of London and we've talked about who could come and stay with me too.

He saw how worried I was when I spoke to him about it as I got a bit emotional. Hopefully he understands!

As for the festival after the birth I have my mum staying whilst he's away and I'm really not too worried about this. If anything I feel like he's missing out on his baby but that's his choice. I may be being a bit naive though as this is our first baby.

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