What to do during/following a miscarriage

[shhhhs]

Sadly I am currently experiencing a miscarriage at 8 weeks. I haven't really been given any information from the medical professionals and have just been told to wait until scan to confirm next week.

My concern is, what do I do if I pass the baby over the weekend, I know i may not even realise exactly when it's passed but if I do surely I don't just flush it away? What are people's experiences with this?

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I had a MMC at around 8 weeks and it is truly shit.

I can only give you my experience and hope that it helps. I was told to expect a heavy period - it was nothing like a heavy period in the slightest and I wish I’d been more informed.

This post may be upsetting and a bit graphic so please don’t read if you feel it will cause you too much upset!

I experienced heavy bleeding for about a day before the actual miscarriage occurred, so I had a bit of ‘warning.’

On the day, I had cramps that came in waves. They came closer and closer together and became more and more intense over a period of about 4 hours. I bled profusely during this time - I recommend getting some Tena lady pants as these helped me to feel more ‘secure’ as there were clots and all sorts.

My DH was very spooked by my distress and the amount of blood as we had not been properly informed of what to expect - he wanted me to go to hospital. I chose not too as I was in too much pain to walk and just wanted to lock myself in the bathroom, but ofc if you are worried at any point give the hospital a call.

Due to the amount of blood, I didn’t want to get in the bath but I found that sitting under a hot shower helped, as did a hot water bottle. I took pain killers but I don’t feel like they even touched the sides.

When I passed the baby, I was very aware of it as (TMI warning) I had a feeling of something coming out.

I think what you want to do with any part of your miscarriage is very personal. Many women pass on the loo and automatically flush - probably due to shock.

After I had passed the baby, the pain went away instantly. I then had a heavy period for two and a half weeks.

That’s the physical side. The emotional side is a ball game all of its own!

I am so sorry if I have caused you any upset with this post. I hope it has helped you to feel more informed. I think a big part of how distressing I found the experience was because the hospital had just told me to remember my heaviest ever period and prepare for that - which was a lot of shite!

I can't thank you enough for your honesty. I have spoken to 3 health care professionals today and not one has given me any idea of what to expect. I'm so grateful for the information you have shared. Thank you ❤️

Mine was just like pps. I found out at a ten week scan after i started bleeding that everything else developed minus baby. Again please don't read if this is too distressing!!!

I, like the PP wasn't given any information and told to expect a heavy period type bleed if I passed the baby naturally before my second scan. Three days before, I started to heavy bleed. A few hours later, I went to the toilet and started passing very noticeable clots. I felt each one pass and it was very uncomfortable. I honestly compare the cramps I was getting before each clot was passed to contractions. For the first half a hour or so I'd go to the toilet, pass a few clots, back into the living room, then run back to the toilet a few minutes later. After the first half a hour, I literally could not move off the toilet for 4-5 hours, I had close contractions, was doubled over whilst sat on the toilet crying my eyes out. I bled that much that I passed out a few times. My OH was with me, worried sick wanting to ring an ambulance but i refused. So instead he kept feeding me little bits of melted chocolate to get my sugar up to help with the passing out. The cramps are really painful. And you end up flushing the toilet multiple times. HOWEVER my experience may be different to others because both of my miscarriages have been this exact story, but after I had DD I hemorrhaged so that might be the cause of how bad mine was, I'm not 100%.

Please OP, do whatever makes you feel comfortable, you always have the option to go to a EPU and they can offer pain relief whilst going through this. I only chose to stay at home, because I wanted to be at home, and do things my way, but everyone is different. I wish you all the best and i am so so sorry that you're going through this. My heart is generally breaking for you. Sending

So sorry to hear you are going through this.

Just echoing what others have said. One of the nurses actually said to me the best advice is to get one of those toilet blocks, the ones that change the colour of the water. That way you won't see anything. It can be very distressing.

I ended up passing the baby in hospital which was confirmed with tests but I was convinced I had passed it at home. You may pass alsorts of things so it can be very distressing.

I had a miscarriage at almost 7 weeks although did not know I was pregnant at the time until I passed it. I was on holiday at the time and DH had popped out to the shops whilst I lay in bed with severe cramps thinking my period was due. I had put on a pad previously and had lots of bright red blood and lots of small clots. Felt something very strange and sticky so went to check and as soon as I saw it I knew it was a baby It was very small but the right shape with little arm buds etc. It was very upsetting but as I hadn’t known, I was really shocked and just on autopilot. I took a photo (with my thumb next to it so I could remember the size), cried a little and flushed it. I texted DH to come home which he did immediately (I would never normally say something like that so I think he was worried). I told him, showed him the photo, cried a little etc but as I hadn’t known, I didn’t really have a bond or emotional connection. I had mild cramping for about 2-3 days after and a little blood but not much more.

Had I known I was pregnant, been further along or been at home at the time, perhaps I would have buried it in the garden. I think that would be nice.

It’s not a nice thing to go through at all and my thoughts are with you OP Hope you have some partner or family support currently? Xx

I miscarried twins at 12 weeks at home. I echo what others have said, painful cramps that come in waves, more blood than you may think, lots of large clots. I stayed in a warm shower or had a hot water bottle which really helped. I managed to ' catch' each little baby, and said goodbye to them. They were purple with little paddle hands. I was in shock so automatically wrapped them in tissue and flushed them away, along with the placenta which was pale and veiny. Once those had passed the pain stopped and I could finally go to sleep. It started at 3 am and over about 6 am.
I didn't want to leave my sleeping dc to go to hospital and it was lucky my body was efficient and expelled everything, confirmed by a scan next day.
So sorry you are going through this x

Thank you everyone. I didn't realise it was going to be so much like a mini labour by the sounds of it. Luckily I have my DH here and my mum on call. I think when I feel it is really kicking off I'll ask her to come and look after our DS. So far I've got average bleeding and cramping, sounds like i'm just at the start of a long few days/weeks. I appreciate all your kind words xx

I'm glad you've got support for yourself @shhhhs I wish you a speedy recovery,and please remember to be kind to yourself. Plenty of rest Xx

@shhhhs

No problem at all, you’re more than welcome.

I also recommend getting something like Floradix for afterwards - I felt very drained and was white as a sheet for days and taking these helped me regain some ‘strength.’ And lots of iron rich foods!

Try to drink lots of water during as well - I didn’t do this and I think it made it worse, it deffo gave me a headache!

Just wanted to give the other side of the coin too, I have had 3 miscarriages and have never seen the fetus. Have felt all the cramping etc described by others and passed large clots but nothing that I could identify if that makes sense.

My top tip is to take it easy on yourself and if you want some catharsis sit and binge watch fleabag (I had a good cry watching that during one miscarriage).

Hello @shhhhs I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you, I wanted to share my experience as like yourself I didn't feel well prepared by the hospital. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in October, I had a few days of light bleeding then overnight I had painful cramps and heavy bleeding and after that it was over. The pain was more intense for me than normal period pain but it was manageable. Sorry to sound grim but I sat on the toilet for the entire time until everything had passed and I wiped and flushed without looking as I did not want to see anything that looked like a baby as I personally would have found that very upsetting. Obviously everyone is different and there isn't really a right way to deal with the situation. Please take time to rest afterwards as I know this helped me considerably x x x

Sorry to hear you're going through this. I remember desperately trying to find some advice on here when I was in the same situation a few years ago as I had no idea what to expect. I found it helpful to be prepared and the hospital were useless. Personally I didn't want to look (MMC at 10 weeks) and felt like I'd passed the baby several times but these were large clots and I definitely knew when it was something more which was very upsetting. I stayed in bed while it happened over the weekend and took painkillers. Plenty of tea and chocolate as I didn't feel like eating but you'll feel completely wiped out and I read some crappy magazines to try to take my mind off it but of course it's just really really crap. Just look after yourself as best you can x

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and I bled for 4 days before passing the baby. I felt the baby pass and my husband got her/him from the toilets and I took it to hospital with us and they cremated the baby with all the other babies who dont make it. I only went to hospital as I had a scan booked that day to see why I was bleeding.

Be very kind to yourself and take your time to heal sorry your going through this x

I'm so sorry OP for what you are going through.

@Eggcellent29 I could have wrote your post myself, I don't mean this to be disrespectful but it's comforting to know others know exactly what I've been through myself. Heavy period my arse! That description needs to change. I was having contractions and lots of blood loss. I did take myself to the hospital and almost needed a transfusion -thankfully not.

OP not everyone's experience will be like this, however I wish I was informed of how bad it COULD get then it wouldn't have been so traumatic for me and I could have been better prepared.

I just wanted to add to this thread again now the miscarriage is complete. When it was happening I was so desperate for any information I could get so want to tell my experience for the next person who will sadly be desperately searching for any information they can.

Compared to the other experiences on this thread it seems I was quite fortunate (if that word can even be used for this hideous situation!) With mine.

So I had period cramps on Friday, nothing major but felt like proper period cramps and not right for pregnancy. Passed clots and blood all afternoon. Woke up with nothing in the pad in the morning but when I went to the loo in the morning passed a large clot (which I now know was the baby/fetus). I was looking out for passing it but we had that bloody cleaner in the loo that makes the water super dark so didn't see it. Bled on and off over the weekend, no pain at all. Had a scan on the Monday which confirmed I'd had a complete miscarriage. The only follow up required was another blood test a few days later to confirm HCG levels dropping (still waiting for these results). I actually stopped bleeding completely after about only 6 days. Emotionally it's been awful, but more hormonal than anything. It's now 9 days since it started and I feel better each day.

If you are the next person desperately searching for information I truly am sorry for you. It is heartbreaking and there is just nothing that can be said to make it better. Just do what you need to do to get through it ❤️