Scared to tell manager I’m pregnant because they’re judgy

[madasyaf]

Hi, looking for a bit of advice because I’m extremely nervous over this. Basically, I’m 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. Both of us are doing really well, have just moved into our first home, I have a degree, we both have good jobs and had a bit of a surprise when I found out I was pregnant. We have been together so long and even at times when we have really wanted kids, we tried to think practically and getting ourselves set up.

Just by chance, we have got ourselves sorted and a massive positive on a pregnancy test. Even though we weren’t planning, we were over the moon and considering it’s not a bad time for us to have a surprise like this.

Both of our families are so happy for us and that was really all that mattered to me. This week I tried to slip it into conversation with my manager, talking about getting a bigger car and he went ‘well you don’t need a bigger car really’ (I do, it’s a tiny car for one) and he goes ‘you only really need a bigger car when you’ve got kids and in my opinion you’re too young to be having kids anyway. Young mums are selfish.’ I was a bit took aback from it and just decided it wasn’t the best time to say anything. Part of me was offended and part of me was like ‘I’m young but I’m not that young.’ A bit of frustration got the better of me too and I decided to tell him about my mum. My mum and dad had their first child at 18 and second (me) at 20 and third at around 23-24. Mum said her family was complete and she is such a good, supportive mum and that wasn’t any different in comparison to my friends whose parents were older. My older sister is a nurse, I have a degree and my youngest sister is training to be a midwife. So I made a point of saying to my manager that my mum didn’t do too bad.’ And he said the problem is young mums want everything at once.

So I just decided not to get into it with him but how do I tell him now? He kept on saying girls my age should be enjoying their youth and shouldn’t have to give up their life for a child. I shouldn’t be nervous but I was so angry he would make such a huge presumption about young mums. Even if he did have a problem with it, it’s not his business and he doesn’t get a say but why do I feel so insecure?

First of all congratulations!

F what he thinks!

You sound very settled, your family are happy for you and it sounds like the perfect time to have a baby :)

Wish you all the best x

I don’t think you have to say anything until you’re further on in your pregnancy, possibly until you get your matb at 25 weeks?

You are at normal child bearing age. Hardly a young mum. Grr stupid man!

It has nothing to do with him. Forget his opinions and just tell him when the time is right to tell people. It sounds like he tried hard to make his point, like he was trying to bring you around to his way of thinking. I had a boss like that and he just simply didn't want his staff (who were mainly women 20-30) going off on maternity leave.

What an idiot!

I would hardly consider 24 a 'young mum'.

Id tell him and watch him cringe at his prior statements about how people 'your age' should be out enjoying themselves.

For a start - that's his personal opinion, not a fact! Don't let his personal opinions affect the way you think.

I personally don't think 24 is too young at all. You have been with your boyfriend for 10 years, have your own home etc. Now if you was 16 living at your parents and had a one night stand, people are automatically going to be judgy - but you are far from that.

I'd make him feel embarassed myself and say something like 'how you said the other week you thought I was too young, well guess what i'm pregnant :D'

I got pregnant at 23 and for the first 11 and a half weeks I had to endure the 'ah you're supposed to be out drinking every weekend' and other such comments (youngest in my team by about 14 years) but everyone was really lovely when I told them I was pregnant.

Once you've informed work you're pregnant he has to be really careful what he says anyway - report any kind of discrimination.

Oh and congratulations!