Partner has left me to do this alone!

[littlemac2]

Hi! I have previously posted a thread regarding feeling alone about pregnancy.

Anyways, I’m guessing I’m around 5 weeks ish! I have an appointment to meet with a midwife next Friday. My partner has been hot and cold since I told him but now he’s telling me he’s certain he doesn’t want to bring this baby into the world without adequate funds etc, even when he has a full time decent job etc. So has told me he wants me to have an abortion. However, I’m keeping the baby. I can’t through with getting rid of a little life just because that’s what he wants, is this selfish?

Any tips for coping alone as a single mother? I have family support from my sister and her partner who have a little 1 year old, so I’m not completely alone.

Also, I’m a full time student so I’m not in work atm. Does anyone know of any benefits/support I would be eligible for?

Thanks guys!

x

I don’t think it’s selfish at all as long as you are prepared that you may be doing it on your own. What’s your living situation at the moment as that will depend on what your entitled to?

I was in a slightly similar situation (although working rather than studying) the father came around but our relationship didn’t last. I had to give up my job as he made us move counties so when things ended I was left homeless and unemployed. Luckily I was able to move back in with family until I got back on my feet. One thing I would say is that I actually (eventually) found it easier doing it on my own as I literally lived my life around the baby’s schedule. If I had done it alone from the start I would have probably been in an even better situation because I would have likely been able to keep my job.

My step sister had her son while at uni and took a year out, when she went back she received a lot of financial help/childcare from the government/university so if you’re on your first degree or higher education you should receive some sort of help to continue studying. If I remember correctly she was actually financially better off when she went back. She now has a really good job too!

If you are living with your parents then the money you will be entitled to will be calculated based on their household income. For example, moving in with my mum I was entitled to financial help as she lives alone and earns under a certain amount. However, if I had moved in with my sister I would have received no financial help as her partner has a decent salary. If you live on your own and are renting then you will be able to get help to cover the cost of your rent too.

Once the baby is 3 then they should also qualify for free childcare hours, there was talk in the elections about lowering the age which I am really hoping happens as I am desperate to get back working again!

Also, your baby and his/her cousin will be fairly close in age which means that when they are a bit older you and your sister could alternate play dates so you each get a break! My kid seems so much easier when there are other kids around!

Hope this helps a little!

ohhboyy you are a saint for replying! thank you for such great and helpful information too!

I still live at home, with my dad and brother! Since I am studying that's worked out better for me as I get very little money from college through a bursary, and that's what I've been living on.

I am going to go to "Citizen's Advice" in my area on Thursday as they have a drop in, maybe then can point me in the right direction to what's available for me, if anything, fingers crossed!

My partner, messaged me today that he's giving us space as that's what we clearly need. He isn't understanding of the situation at all, so I am totally aware now that I will be doing this without him, but like you said, I have my sister and her partner who I know for a fact will help me in any way they can!

Now I am faced with the worry of chatting to my dad about this, since that's who I live with. I think he will be disappointed that I wont be going to Uni this year now .. But I am determined I will attend Uni at some point, but obv being a mum comes first just now!

How old is your little one now? And, excuse me for asking, but how are you getting on? It's so relieving and a breath of fresh air to chat to someone who understands x

The only thing selfish in this situation is your partner taking no responsibility for his actions Everyone knows that any sexual contact can potentially lead to pregnancy - this isn’t unknown information! Therefore if he was so adamant that he did not want a baby, he should have ensured to use additional contraception to prevent this.

When I was at uni (nursing) we had quite a few girls go off on maternity, take a year out and return back to finish their studies. So don’t worry, it can definitely be done especially if you have good family/friends support.

FWIW I had to decide to leave work in a few months (completely unrelated to pregnancy reason) and then found out I was pregnant - now 8 weeks. So I will get no maternity pay at all. DH also took a £10k ish pay cut last year to retrain in another field and so we’re quite worried about finances too. Regardless we’re happy and are just doing lots of research and saving etc to do the best we can.

You’ll be fine OP, there’s plenty of amazing single parents out there. And if anything it will be a lot easier sticking to your baby’s schedule as one person and not have the weight of a useless, negative partner bringing you down.