Feeling down

[Nonymous1]

Hey girls

Just feeling a little down at the moment. I'm 24 weeks pregnant now, but my circumstances are difficult.
I am to be a single mum... what's more, I can't be sure who the father is to my baby. My ex and I broke up, a week later I slept with someone else. I'm not proud of this, but I've accepted it. I'm 30 and always thought I was infertile and so decided to keep this baby even though the situation is obviously difficult.
Both parties know of the situation. My ex I suspect has a new girlfriend and doesn't speak to me. He is already a great dad. But understandably until we know it's his, I guess he doesn't see any point in talking to me. The other guy from day 1 wanted me to abort. But he's a strange one. He was a friend - or so I thought - but since I've told him I am keeping the baby he has not once asked how I am, or commented on the scan photos, basically just acts as though it isn't happening. The only times he messages me is when he is drunk, or depressed. Most of the time it's both. The other night messaged me telling me he wanted to kill himself... I've tried to be supportive but now I'm starting to feel mad. I'm suffering with perinatal depression myself. But he has never once asked if I'm okay and I told him how I felt all he said was "sorry". Basically, he's an asshole.
Anyway, I'm really posting because I'm feeling a little sad. I always imagined when I fell pregnant I would be in a happy relationship, I always looked forward to that point in my life where me and a partner would get excited for our baby. I crave all that lovely stuff- the baby shopping, decorating the nursery, discussing names etc. Obviously, my circumstances mean I can't have any of that. And I guess I just don't feel connected to this baby. I don't feel excited. Or happy. I just feel miserable and lonely. I have to remind myself that this baby isn't just mine, and he is half of someone else. But it doesn't feel that way. Actually, I feel like it's someone else's baby, like I'm a surrogate. It's strange, and I don't want to feel this way. I so wish I had those lovely moments couples share, dad wanting to
touch the belly and feel him kicking, cooing over him, etc.
Any other mums who went through pregnancy solo?
Sorry for the depressing post - I've chewed the ears off my best friend for weeks about all this and I'm worried she's getting sick of it 😂🤦🏼‍♀️
Xxxx

Awk pet, i feel for you. I went through pregnancy and i may aswel have been on my own, i now am a single parent to a lovely we boy who i adore and wouldnt be without but i understand how lonely it can feel during pregnancy. Firstly, stop beating yourself up with guilt, you have nothing to feel guilty about. The guilt should lie with the people who arent supporting you in your pregnancy. Your baby is not half someone elses, your baby is yours, you do not need these deadbeat men who cant support you, neither does your little one. Try to forget them and enjoy this precious time before your little one arrives. You will be everything and more that baby needs.

What an awful situation. I don't think you can automatically jump to the fact that these men are 'deadbeats' I'm not sure I would want to risk a connection/bond with a baby that would possibly turn out not to be mine. I think you're going to have to keep an open mind on this until the babies here and you know for sure. Once the father is determined if they're still not interested then binbag him! But one thing for sure is that this is YOUR baby. Your best friend sounds like a good one and I'm sure will support you through, maybe go and look around some baby shops to get ideas of the things you would like and start a list of names to make it more real ❤️ if you are feeling really down then please make sure you speak to a professional. Good luck whichever way it goes x

Single mums can be such amazing mums... my mum is one and I wouldn't have ever traded her in. You'll be great, you and your kid will have an amazing bond and you'll be able to give him/her a wonderful life 🙂💚

Don't beat yourself up - we all do these things and it just so happens that you'll end up with a baba! That's not always a bad thing.

You know it'll be hard but you're gonna have the most amazing relationship with your little one!

I don't have much advice for you I'm afraid but you'll be fab - and don't be so hard on yourself.

Maybe try those antenatal classes etc and you may make some friends who are in a similar situation and can provide some support?

Good luck ❤️

I'm so sorry you are feeling sad. It must be hard for you, especially as you are so feeling the loss of the build up to having the baby and having someone to share that with. I would echo what other posters have said - the bond you have with your baby surpasses any relationship you have with any other human being. It's unimaginable before you have the baby - but once that little person arrives you will be each other's world. There may be some more hard and difficult times ahead for you, but just try and focus on the baby, and the future person they will become that you will share your life with. The friends you will make through them, the life that will open up to you through being a parent and the joy this tiny human will bring into your life. As hard as it seems now it will get better and it will all be okay.

Thank you all so much for replying ❤️ I really do appreciate it, I don't know where I would be without this forum! Sending you all lots of love xxxxxx