feeling alone and unsure about this pregnancy ..

[nattmac]

Hi ladies,

I am 25, a student at college doing my higher's full time to work towards my nursing at University (had applied to start Uni this year). I do not work as I receive a bursary from college (not much at all) but I still stay at home with my dad so that wasn't an issue. However, I have just recently found out I am pregnant, around 5 weeks (clear blue says 2-3 so I was told to add 2 weeks onto this?) my partner lives in Glasgow, he still stays at home with his parents too.

I have told him the news and he hasn't been very supportive at all. All I get from him is that we aren't financially ready (which I am aware of) but this has happened and I really don't want to even think about the idea of an abortion (i'm not against it at all, I just get very upset thinking about it as ive always wanted kids) anyway, I am aware that I wont receive maternity allowance since I am not in employment. does anyone have any advice? id just love to chat to mums or mums to be who maybe have been in a similar situation or can just give some advice/support please :( the longer I feel alone about this the worse I feel about myself, thank you x

I really aren't the best person to give advise re your allowance, although I am almost certain you get something. I don't think it's statutory maternity pay, I think it is maternity allowance if you don't work.

I just wanted to say that if you want the baby, keep the baby. Never allow anyone else to tell you to keep it or abort it. I've seen too many women who've been told by their other half's to get an abortion against their will and it breaks my heart. If you don't want the baby then terminate, but if you do please don't let it go.

Thank you so much for your reply! It truly does mean a lot to chat to someone about this. I can't tell my dad just yet till I completely decide what I'm doing.

I've looked online for maternity benefits/allowances and I can't find anything! nothing for students who are unemployed :(

My partner keeps saying "if he can't afford to buy a house with a mortgage then it can't happen as he refuses to rent etc, he keeps saying "we would need to wait till we are financially ready" as if i'll even want to try for a baby after aborting one :( i'm so upset tbh x

Is there anyone you trust that you can talk to about this? Not sure how your relationship is with your dad but I think you really need someone supportive near you, no matter how it plays out.

Is there anyone at the college you're at that would know? I know that if you don't work there is some entitlement but honestly I don't know what or how to find out 😞

For your partner he is thinking 'sensibly' about his life plans but he seems to be forgetting about you, your feelings and needs. Personally if I'd had an abortion based on partners feelings but wanted the baby I know I would resent him for it deeply and regret it. You need to find out what help you'll be entitled to and decide if you could cope on your own, as awful as it is if your OH is so against it you will have to do it alone, but if that's what you decide to do, you got this!

I am going to speak to my guidance teacher at college on Wednesday! see if she is aware of any support that is out there, I'm sure I can't be the only person who has ended up in this situation. Also, I'm thinking it might be a good idea to speak to citizens advice? or even the job centre and chat about my situation/position.

I have already been looking/applying for jobs, trying to find any that work around my full time college course but that's proving a little difficult!

I know myself I am more towards keeping the baby as I wouldn't be doing this much research etc etc.

I'm also worried my dad doesn't allow me to stay at home, I think I'm just overthinking every little negative thing now since my partner has given me nothing but negative vibes! grrr

Congratulations. When I was at both college and uni (nursing) someone had a baby. Both continued and finished the course. One lived at home while partner lived away also at home and they made it work so it is possible even though on paper it doesn't look great

That's encouraging to hear! I don't doubt for a fact I wont continue my college course at present just now and continue to Uni when it is more do-able, it's the whole "unsupportive" partner that's making everything else seem so daunting! I honestly did not think he'd react this way. Guess I was wrong

They were both very determined they would do it and they did. We quite often had an extra student who we all took turns occupying.
Have you looked on the gov website to see what benefits you may be entitled too? Maybe once you are both more aware of the financial support you can get your DP may not feel as stressed. I think they had a calculator on there, or a link to one. It would give you an idea before going to CAB

Hi OP, I had my daughter when I was at uni, it was actually great because it's so much more flexible than working. Obviously it was tough too but I got to see a whole lot more of her than I would have had I been in FT work. Good luck whatever you decide x