8 weeks pregnant, suffer from vaginismus and feel extremely unattractive

[kaxxz]

Hi Mumsnet

I am seriously having a mental breakdown. I am 8 weeks pregnant with my first child. I'm 26 and my husband is 28. We've been married a year and I suffer from vaginismus and our sex life is terrible.

I love my husband very much however I feel as though due to the vaginismus we are really struggling to connect intimately as a couple. It really upsets me because we are barely affectionate. I've spoken to him about this and he said whenever I feel I need affection to tell him. I just wish he would show me it without me asking.

My confidence is at such a low. Prior to pregnancy I was into my fitness and now my body just feels weak due to morning sickness etc

I need some advice please on how I can feel sexier being pregnant and the best way to tackle the lack on intimacy in my relationship.

Sorry to hear that, I've never heard of your condition but I googled it. Sorry I can't offer much advice here but sending you lots of love 🌸

have you been treated with antibiotics? Would urge you to get them immediately if pregnant xx

My apologies - I thought you meant bacterial vaginismus! (Which I've had myself)
Re: Vaginismus, is there anything that could help you to relax? Perhaps masturbating, using dildos & getting more used to penetration? You could also try sexual therapy together?
But I would say, at 8 weeks pregnant, it is a delicate time for the baby and it's OK if it's the last thing on your mind... I'd focus on having the baby and then seek help to get your sex life back on track when you're ready (after the birth) x

I had vaginismus when I was younger, and still do to a degree. I used a set of vaginal trainers (they kind of look like a set of mini dildos, of varying sizes. You start with the smallest with lots and lot and LOTS of lube and work your way up to the larger ones. They're not about stretching you, more about getting your body used to the sensation) - it took me a long time, months and months, but it did help improve things. I also used a device called the Eroscillator (there's probably a much greater selection of options out there now) to help me learn to relax and enjoy sexual sensations without any penetration, because the pain and anxiety about the pain had got to the point where I couldn't enjoy sex or sexual sensations any more!

Even today, it takes a reasonable amount of time for me to "warm up" to the point of being able to have penetrative sex (and often it requires a lot of lube). He either has to be super slow and gentle to start off, or I warm myself up first. Needing to have foreplay isn't necessarily a bad thing though :D We are quite happy with our sex life as it is now, but if we weren't then I would look into sexual physiotherapy or psychotherapy.

However, now is NOT the time to be worrying about it. This is the time to be concentrating on growing your little bean and welcoming them into the world. Wait until they are here, and until you are ready to resume a sex life, and have a think about trying some of the options suggested at that point.

Good luck though, you can improve things, so don't give up hope!

Have you spoken to your gp as sounds like you mood isn't great :( A bit unrelated but have you had anh treatment for vaginismus? I'd put it on your birth plan too. I wish I had as I couldn't deal with the internal examinations and I've since learnt you can decline them! Contractions etc were fine in comparison.

All you can do is keep talking to your husband. Pregnancy is a very emotional time.

Thanks for all your messages x I was having treatment using the vaginal dialattors, got to number 3 and found out I'm pregnant so I had to stop. My gynaecologist has reccomended I start using them again at 6 months pregnant.