Scared of getting pregnant again...any advice?

[GemmaC1990]

Morning all you lovely ladies

It’s a bit of a long post I’m afraid but I’ll try to shorten it as much as possible

Basically I have one little girl who is 5 (6 this year), I’ve been raising her on my own since she was about one and a half due to her dad having an affair and getting another woman pregnant and becoming abusive to me. Anyway cut a long story short I’ve since met a new partner who is kind, caring, loving, loves me for me and treats my daughter like he’s own.

We’ve spoken about having a child of our own and I am very open to having another child, but to be honest with you all I’m absolutely petrified. My first pregnancy was pretty straight forward (I’m quite overweight btw) and it was only a few complications towards the end of the pregnancy that I had to contend with. The labour itself was an emergency c section and to be honest I found it so traumatic, and I know I would have to have another c section again and I just can’t get past that fear. The fear of what is this pregnancy doesn’t go as smoothly as my first? And having to deal with another section? I know my partner now is a lot more supportive but I just have that fear that because I’m overweight what if the pregnancy is hell? I also work full time very long days as does my partner so I’m scared about going through most of it on my own although he says once we get a positive then his work would give him something more structured.

I really do want another child, after all my little girl is almost 6 and it would complete my family, but how do you get over the fears? I’m trying to do gentle exercise at home everyday and trying to lose weight as well but it’s not easy, has anyone else ever felt like this or am I just panicking too much?

Any help or advice or just a friendly ear to talk to would be appreciated,

Thanks all and sorry for the long post

I feel the same way op. I’d love to have another baby, DD is almost 5. There are lots of reasons I shouldn’t, mostly financial and career related but even if those reasons weren’t there the trauma of the first birth make me think I would still be too scared. Things that have helped me have been: therapy, talking to a sympathetic gynaecologist who has promised to go through my birth notes with me and explain what risks I might have a second time round, a great woman’s health physio who has helped my body feel stronger and me feel more connected to it, getting a copy of my birth notes from the hospital which gave me a sense of ownership about the whole experience.

Fwiw a planned section is a far different experience to an emergency one, as is the healing process in most cases.

How is a planned one different to an emergency? Just as a matter of curiosity x

For a start there is. One of the painful and tiring labour before hand so you are rested. You have time to plan ahead and be mentally prepared and there is none of the panic. In an emcs time is of the essence and the Dr's don't have time to be careful, this can cause more trauma which is more painful and harder to recover from.

Yes I understand. I guess I’m just worried because I’m very overweight so would be at higher risk of complications. I am dieting and exercising and trying to lose some weight before I fall pregnant though