AIBU about reaction to pregnancy after miscarriage

[Irishgene]

DH and I have told close family (parents/siblings) over the Christmas that we're expecting again after a MMC in May. Most have been very happy for us but there's been a couple of comments that I've thought were a bit off such as "oh well let's hope this one goes better than last time" and MIL & FIL (who was desperate to buy anything she could for our baby earlier in the year, which I was of course very grateful for) said "we won't buy anything until this one is actually born then".

Am I being sensitive or are those comments a bit insensitive? 🙄

Totally insensitive

My mum is exactly the same. I've had 3 miscarriages but also 3 babies. When I told her I was pregnant with my 3rd last year she said well it's not the getting pregnant that's the issue for you is it ... it's making them stick ...

People are dicks and don't realise how awful those comments are and just think they're being "factual" or realistic"

Terrible comments!

Congratulations on your pregnancy

People are so thoughtless sometimes, I'm sure they didn't mean to be horrible but YANBU to be upset. Really insensitive things to say.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

To be honest, I'm very sensitive at the best of times and I'm currently in a similar situation myself. I just let it go. I don't think people are intentionally malicious, but it would be nice if they thought sometimes before they spoke.

You aren't being unreasonable.

We've just told family and friends we're pregnant and we miscarried in March this year.

People have been happy but we have had a few people who have said they will reserve proper celebrations till we are further along. They aren't being deliberately unkind but it is still very early.

Your MIL comments were very insensitive, however.

I’m so very sorry to hear about your loss. Mother Nature is cruel. Congratulations however on
becoming pregnant again! 😊Completely insensitive. I can’t even believe someone would think this let alone say it. As if you aren’t fraught enough with worry as it is.
Try not to dwell on their thoughtless comments. The only condolence I can offer is that clearly they have never been personally affected by mc. Let their comments wash over you because you and your baby need happy hormones and maybe ask your partner to have a word xxx

You have all the right to be sensitive - you suffered a great loss and now you're pregnant again. There is nothing you should feel bad about. Those are very insensitive comments and would hurt any woman who experienced the same.

I had 4 miscarriages before this one successful pregnancy and faced the same. We told only our closest family members, but my in-laws were very hesitant to provide support and started acknowledging pregnancy only once I was past 20w. Thankfully, my family was much more supportive and DH was totally there for me or I would have struggled much more. I do believe that it is those who never experienced such a loss that are most insensitive to it and while I am glad that they never had to go through such pain - I was still very much bothered by their lack of support.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

And congratulations on having enough patience not to respond to those comments with the replies they deserve

Those comments are awful - I hate people

The only thing I would say in defence of family who make comments saying they will wait before getting to excited is that (although it is not the same as it is for the parents) family members might still experience grief on some scale when a pregnancy is lost. I remember when my sister had a miscarriage some 18 years ago my mum cried bitterly when my sister told her so she definitely felt the grief for her daughter and lost grandchild, albeit not as keenly as my sister.

There is no excuse for completely insensitive comments but I can understand people holding back a little. I mean I am cautious about my celebrations.

It's why I'm not keen on big reveals. I planned a reveal for hubs in the first pregnancy that we lost and I'm kind of gutted that I did that when we lost it two weeks later.

Anyway I'm waffling now. I suppose the summary is that I can understand caution in the reactions from people but there is no excuse for rudeness like your MIL.