Hands off!

[WingingIt101]

Hi ladies,

Does anyone else have experience with people unexpectedly and most definitely not wanting people to touch their bump?

I’m almost 28 weeks and finally starting to show (disclaimer - could just be the Christmas excess 😂) however over Christmas whilst visiting family and friends I had the two examples below that I had honestly been dreading but had reassured myself just wouldn’t actually happen....

1. Mil stating that “you must tell us when baby is moving so we can all come and feel it”

1. Good friends girlfriend who has always been a bit overly familiar greeting a group of us in turn, hugging everyone else then when she got to me, in front of everyone bending down, wiggling her fingers and squealing “eeeee hewwo baby” as she advanced toward my stomach to squish it.

In both cases I had fairly involuntary reactions - with mil I literally laughed out loud and said “I don’t think I want to be touched by anyone thank you so I won’t be announcing it moving around!” She responded by saying everyone else had a right to feel it move so I - having composed myself somewhat - said that nobody had a right to feel the baby move but I did have a right to some privacy and not to be touched if it made me uncomfortable.
In the second I’m embarrassed to say I - without even thinking about it - literally slapped her hands away as I jumped backwards. Everyone saw. There was no covering it up as anything else. I hurriedly followed it with I’m so sorry but I really am weird about being touched and so please don’t do that.

What embarrassing situations have you all had (to make me feel better!!) and how have you handled the “hands off!” Conversation clearly, firmly and without causing offence or looking a bit like you are really uptight?!

I must be really unapproachable as I don't recall any of that in my first pregnancy.

If you're uncomfortable, that's fair enough. It's still your body! I'm not really a touchy feely person. Some people seem to treat you like your public property when you're pregnant - telling you what you can and can't eat and what you should and shouldn't do. Then when I popped into work a month after I'd had him, I had someone ask "How much weight have you lost?". "How much weight have YOU lost, nosy cow!".

Like I say though, I may be a bit feral I do think people take it as a licence to behave completely inappropriately though.

If people touched me I touched them back. Either rubbed their belly or stroked their faces. Reactions varied from confusion to apologetic. One person told I was unreasonable as these people had no malicious intention but my reaction was rude and malicious 🙄

I didn't mind being touched if I initiated it after movement, but my son was notorious for staying still as soon as someone put their hands on me. I also was ok if asked first.

An acquaintance (sister of a friend) had no bounderies and had to be told by 3 people (including her sister who was quite irritated) after I'd asked her to get off of me, she came out for lunch with us and she sat with her arms around me cradling my bump because she wanted to feel him kick, she then told him that he wouldn't escape her once he was born... That was fun and oddly enough shes only met him once and the most content child ever screamed when she held him.

Ooh I like the idea of rubbing them back haha! I think I just expected people to recognise how weird it is so was really shocked!

I think I’d probably be ok with certain people and if they asked as you say but people seem to either (thankfully!) be in the camp of “I wouldn’t touch you like that if you weren’t pregnant so why would I now...” or just going for it!

I'm too early to show yet but if it makes you feel better I definitely definitely would have reacted the exact same as you in scenario 2. (Well you handled it better than I would have done actually!) I've also never had the urge to poke someone's bump so I just can't understand why anyone would! I guess they're imagining the baby in there and forgetting it's your body but then I probably wouldn't pounce on the baby once it was born either, but wait to be invited to cuddle etc. I hope like pp I'm too spiky for anyone to try this on me because I'd probably tell them off and upset them.

Ps also I think your reaction to scenario 2 is totally natural in the animal kingdom...pregnant cats and dogs do it too!

Don't feel ashamed for not wanting to be touched. I don't like being touched on my belly unless I say so, apart from my DH and children. I don't like being touched in general by other people anyways so I don't get the belly touch.
It's your space, your body, even if baby is inside the belly is yours. I could understand your DH touching, it's his baby, but others have no right over baby or your body.

Thanks all - it’s reassuring to hear I’m not just being extra precious!! I’d love to be one of the really chilled out women that doesn’t ever seem phased by anything but that’s just not me!
Loving the animal facts (and practicing my unapproachable face haha!)

One of my colleagues who I also view as a friend (though not close) touched my bump briefly when she said you're getting big now. It didn't bother me though, at all.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and few people have done this to me (my mum, my sister and my MIL). Usually just grabbing my bump without warning me or asking me first. I really hate it and have quite a visceral reaction.

I admire you for standing up for yourself. I tend to shut down when stuff like this happens and probably seem fine in the moment, but later I'm annoyed with myself as my boundaries were crossed and I didn't address it.

Only my MIL touches my bump but it doesn’t really bother me as she’s bot particularly intrusive when she does it

It’s a bloody weird thing to do though! It’s a place that isn’t ever really touched in “normal” day to day life either so I think your reaction was fair enough OP!

I agree with everyone else. If you don’t want to be touched then say so! Think of it as practise for when the baby is here and you’ll have to tell people not to pick them up when they are tired, take them off you when they just want to be with mum etc