Anxiety Overdrive - Really Scared and Need Reassurance

[Sam8103]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant and I'm terrified. Absolutely terrified.

This is my third pregnancy. I lost my first at 4 weeks and my second at 5 weeks. This is our third round of IVF and we were so lucky to get a positive test a few weeks ago. I thought I would be over the moon but all I feel is fear that I am going to lose this baby too.

I spend all my time googling every twinge and miscarriage statistics. I know this isn't normal. DP has been so kind and patient with me and keeps saying "we're more likely to have this baby than lose it" but it isn't helping. I know that forums are the worst place to look but everyone seems to have had a missed miscarriage or a bad news scan, it just seems so common.

All the signs are good - I haven't had any bleeding, I have sore boobs and nausea and I'm tired all the time. I just can't relax.

I need to stop testing and I will as this morning the control line looked darker (it was previously a dye stealer) and I googled the hook effect so I diluted my urine and it didnt make a difference. I did a digital test then and it still said 3+ weeks and that made me feel better for 5 mins until I saw that many women still get that result after a missed miscarriage. So no more testing. This all sounds so ridiculous, doesn't it?

I've spoken to my GP and he referred me to the EPU for a reassurance scan but they refused and did an internal exam instead - they said my cervix was closed, which is good news.
I have my viability scan with my fertility clinic next week but I feel like I am just preparing myself for bad news.

I know I'm setting myself up for people to tell me I'm being silly, to stop being stupid and to take each day as it comes etc. I suppose I just needed to get these thoughts out.

I totally understand. You are not being silly or stupid. This is a much longed for baby and of course you don’t want the worst to happen.

I don’t have much advice I’m afraid, mainly because I am feeling very anxious too. I have also had miscarriages, one last year at 10 weeks, and two this year at 4 and 5 weeks. I’m currently 4+4 and completely anxious about every little symptom, or no symptoms, and terrified every time I go to the loo. I only found out 5 days ago and it’s been such a stressful 5 days.

You could maybe self refer for some counselling/talking therapy to help you through your pregnancy?

I'm so sorry to hear about your past experiences. Congrats on your pregnancy!

I know it's easier said than done, but try to relax. Getting stressed isn't good for you or baby. You have all positive signs. Once you have your scan your nerves will settle. Once you've seen a heartbeat I'm sure you will be reassured.

Try to have positive thoughts rather than negative. Sending you hugs and wish you all the very best ❤️

I am so sorry to read about your losses.

From my experience of pregnancy after loss (also IVF) what you’re experiencing is normal. I was exactly the same. I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t want to see anyone, I spent hours every day googling every tiny little detail.....the list goes on. It was pure, burning hellfire at a time when I was supposed to be happy.

I just had to get through it but tbh I have only just started to relax in my third trimester - and I still have sleepless nights! Talking about how I was feeling helped a lot - lean on your partner and family if you can.

I also tried allocating half an hour of ‘worry time’ each day. I told myself that for that time I could cry, worry, shout, whatever I needed but when the timer went off, that was it. It helped a bit, even if I didn’t stick to it every day!

I feel horribly hypocritical saying this because I know I certainly didn’t listen to others who told me the same thing, but try to stay off of google. It doesn’t help and can become obsessive. Plus ‘knowing’ the statistics does not change what will or won’t happen. It’s like self torture!

Thanks for the responses so far.

Half an hour of worry time might work - I do well with schedules!

This is my 3rd IVF pregnancy this year. Everything single thing you have mentioned I've been doing. Constantly googling everything little thing. I had a bleed just before 6wks and thought it was all over, again. The only thing that has been getting my through it is regular scans. I had 2 after the bleeding at the EPU, 1 viability scan at the IVF clinic, another reassurance scan at the clinic and another scan at a 'window to the womb', I'm only 10+1!!!! 5 scan so far! Time is dragging. There's no good way to cope with the anxiety after losses but it will eventually get better, I'm sure (I hope).

Sending you positive vibes!

Thanks everyone. I feel better, I think I just needed to get my thoughts out there. Thank you for not making me feel stupid about all these worries, I feel so irrational but it’s good to know there’s others who have been like this.

When you want something this badly it always feels like there must be a negative, it's the way we are programmed as humans-it's not you being irrational! Just please try and enjoy being pregnant, all the worrying in the world can't change a thing so just focus on you and ways to relax. I'm 8 weeks and completely understand the worries, they are normal - hormones absoloutely don't help either!

Hi Sam, I had IVF too, and I think we are on the same schedule. I'm 5+6 tomorrow. I'm only now just starting to let go of the need to know everything. I'm doing my best.

It's not just the thought of mc, but after 2 previous losses for me too it's the thought of going back to the clinic, all the drugs and schedules.

There's no answer really, except to know that you are not alone. Perhaps when the anxiety feels so intense imagine all us IVFers : ) in the same room as you. It will all be ok xxx

There is a long running thread here for women who are pregnant after miscarriage. You will find good support there if you find it helps to talk to others in a similar position.