Why can't I just enjoy pregnancy?

[FrederickSinclair]

My God, I'm not sure I can cope much longer.

I struggled through first pregnancy but hoped it might be easier second time round. This is my last pregnancy and I really wanted to savour every moment this time and enjoy it all. But instead I just feel trapped in this exhausted, sick, sore body.

I am so, so grateful to be pregnant and able to carry a baby, honestly I am. But why do I find it so hard?!

I'm 34 weeks now and still wake every morning full of nausea. My back feels like it has been split in two (probably not helped by having an 11 month old to lug around) and I'm just exhausted.

I know I will miss my lovely bump and feeling baby kicks as soon as the baby is born, so why can't I just bloody enjoy it. How do people carry on as normal, I've barely got the energy to get dressed, let alone leave the house. Anyone else struggling through and counting down the days till due date?!

Why can't I just enjoy pregnancy?

Because, for a lot of people, a lot of the time, it's awful. YANBU. So many women I've talked to say 'Fine, thanks' when first asked how they are, but let slip later on that they're sleep on the sofa by 8 pm, elephant ankles due to water retention, sore back/sore hips/headaches/nosebleeds/bleeding gums/ligament pains/Braxton Hicks/insomnia.... And none of that is considered remotely abnormal. I believe some doctor somewhere once pointed out that "Pregnancy is the only healthy human condition characterized by chronic pain and exhaustion."

How do people carry on as normal

Someone will come on to say that they were re-landscaping the garden by hand at 38 weeks, but most people don't. Being pregnant is exhausting and something has to give. I started mat leave at 35 weeks. Thank God.

Also, sounds like you'd barely recovered from the first baby before getting pregnant with the second, if I read correctly. You've basically been pregnant for nearly two years. No wonder.

Some people do sail through pregnancy in a radiant glow. But they're in the minority IME! The rest of us feel sick, tired and huge.

Ah, see, now I am glowing (getting pregnant cured the acne I'd had for 20 years, thickened and de-greased my hair, going to be gutted when it all goes back to normal), but I still feel like shit...

I found pregnancy horrendous! And I had no complications, just the usual, exhausted, enormous, restricted and felt like I was being held hostage in my own body!!

I absolutely adore my baby and would go through it again in a heartbeat, but I hated pregnancy. I just saw it as a means to an end, and I don't really feel guilty about it, I feel proud I got through it despite finding it so hard.

Don't be hard on yourself, lots of women I talk to say they felt the same, I'd love to have enjoyed it but it's not for everyone. And once the baby is here, that's when you'll hopefully be in your element! And pregnancy will be a distant memory.

Good luck with your last few weeks xxx

How do people carry on as normal, I've barely got the energy to get dressed, let alone leave the house.

I carried on as normal physically during pregnancy - walked miles the day before I went into labour, worked to 38 weeks. There's no special trick to it and it wasn't anything I personally did - I was just very lucky and had a very physically easy pregnancy where I did just feel like me, except lugging a beach ball about on my stomach. Whoever you're looking at and thinking they're coping better than you, they're almost certainly just coping with less than you!

Don't worry OP, not long to go now

I am currently 24+3, although I love being pregnant, it is also really tiring! I have a cold that has completely knocked me for six and have developed an incredibly attractive waddle, even though I still have quite a way to go!

Everyone wants to be the super pregnant woman going through it like a duck through water, it's like some sort of competition to 'win' pregnancy. Don't spend precious energy arguing with yourself that you are not appreciating/enjoying/whatevering this enough, I guarantee everyone feels the same way at some point. You are smashing this, just look forward to all the new born cuddles

I'm with you on this OP! I'm 32 weeks and I hate it. I'm so grateful for this pregnancy, it's been a long, tough road to get here, but I can't wait for it to be over now.

So many people have gushed to me about how much they loved pregnancy and would do it again in a heartbeat, part of me wants to punch them in the face haha. Aside from feeling the baby move, I can't name one other thing I enjoy about it.

Well done to you for doing it all with a little one, it may not feel like it, but you are like superwoman in my books for that! I can barely take care of myself at the moment, let alone an 11 month old!

I most certainly do feel like I've been pregnant continuously for two years at least it will all be over soon. I, too, have wonderful skin and lovely thick hair - unfortunately it is completely wasted as I don't have the energy to face seeing other humans! I felt on top of the world after having DS, but looked dreadful with terrible acne and hair falling out - typical!

Thank you all for being kind, I don't know why I feel so guilty for not enjoying it more, it's silly really

Don’t worry OP, I hate pregnancy. I hated my first & I hate this one.. I cannot wait to never have to be pregnant again. Currently 28+4. I have HG all the way through, my ribs feel like they are being torn apart & I feel like I’m being a rubbish parent to my toddler. I’m obviously very grateful to be pregnant & for this little human I’m growing but I’m unapologetic in my honesty about disliking the whole experience. Christmas has been pants this year..

I hugely envy those who sail through but I actually think the majority don’t love it it & it’s the usual social media lies I mean at the least, who loves needing 300 wees a day!

Not long to go OP! Then you never have to do it again 😁 I’m on serious countdown!

Why can't I just enjoy pregnancy?

Because for most it’s not particularly enjoyable 😂🙈
Getting a baby is the ‘wonderful experience’ the pregnancy itself is just what you go through to make your little miracle.

Sick, dizzy, sore, exhausted, piles, sweats, disturbed sleep, breathlessness, clumsy, hypersalivation, heartburn (oh god the heartburn) and I’m only 27 weeks 👍🏻

Some women probably do enjoy pregnancy but I think a much higher percentage count down the days until it’s over.
I told my MH midwife how guilty I felt about complaining because ‘so many women would love to experience this’ but she told me straight ‘there’s always someone worse off than you and you can’t go through life not entitled to feel any of your own feelings because someone else might be offended’

These comments are helping so much! I remember in my last pregnancy, I was quietly blubbing to DH that I didn't feel I could tell any of my friends how hard I was finding it because they had gone through IVF to get their babies, when one of said friends sent a message to ask how I was. I admitted to feeling awful and how bad I felt about it and she immediately replied telling me never to apologise for it because pregnancy is hard no matter how desperate for it you are! So very true.

Because pregnancy is shit. It messes up your body and hormones and makes you feel rubbish.
All the films and tv programs that show these 'glowing' pregnant women are giving us false expectations (and are probably written by men who have no idea!!!).

I have 3DC and have always felt physically fine. DC1 had a bad anomaly scan and for me this set of anxiety in pregnancy so for me the last half of that pregnancy and the two that followed were pure worry and stress in a mental way. I think most people struggle either physically or mentally during pregnancy, some just won't admit it possibly as they don't want to sound ungrateful so they just sugar coat everything.

You poor thing, op. Both of my pregnancies were wonderful and I felt fantastic throughout, except for when I got food poisoning during my second, of course! I 100% know how lucky I was, and I know many women who had horrible struggles the entire time. I can't imagine how shattering it must be. Are you able to get any rest?

DH has been brilliant these last few weeks and working the absolute minimum, so I have had lots of rest. I just find it so frustrating that no matter how much I rest, I never feel any less exhausted!

Your expectations could perhaps just be a bit off. You clearly appreciate being pregnant. Could you, instead of piling pressure on yourself to enjoy it, take note when you appreciate moments where you feel connected to your baby, or feel a change in your body, or pleasure in anticipating the baby’s arrival? This is enough. I found a pregnancy yoga class helped me to achieve this.

I say the same to people about newborns: the pressure to ‘enjoy’ is ridiculous, given the physical and emotional demands of the situation!