Sick of people telling me how difficult having a baby is

[LH1987]

Is anyone else fed up of people telling them that once you have a baby, your life is over, you'll have no money, you'll be so tired. I'm sick of hearing it and still think (maybe I underestimating it), it cant possibly be that bad or difficult, otherwise no-one would ever have more than one.

This thread has literally just been done in case OP wants a look -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3777517-bored-of-all-the-negative-comments-whenever-anyone-gets-pregnant

As PP have said it's very much an individual experience.

Some people find the first year immensely enjoyable, fulfilling and cope well with sleep dep. Others like myself have traumatic births , PTSD and PND and don't bond with their baby for many months, making those first months or years abysmal. Everyone's experience is different and it's ranges along the spectrum.

I think the main point I would like to say is the experience you have does not always match what you expect to have, and that's ok, but be prepared. I suspect that is what people are often trying to convey when they say these irritating lines to pregnant women.

I'm now having number two, and I'm getting a lot of "you've gone and done in now" and "ha ha ha you thought one was bad! Just you wait, you're life is over!" I take it with kindness and know there will be a whole new set of challenges I haven't yet foreseen.

Yes I hated it. It's like they want you to have a tough time because they did, but some babies are good, like mine so i was pleasantly surprised and pretty smug after all the scaremongering!

My only piece of advice to any new mother is don’t martyr yourself. Guard against letting your whole life become about the children. Obviously when they are little their needs will be paramount and that’s how it is meant to be, but don’t play into the narrative that once you have children you become a non-person and no longer exist as an individual with a separate identity outside of motherhood and perfectly valid needs and wants of your own. That is a damaging view and many, many women fall into it and are left completely depleted, mentally, physically and emotionally, and with no sense of self.

I had two very easy deliveries and easy babies, so if I was speaking from my own experience then yes, i’d say labour is a breeze and babies are fantastic. The whole thing was a doddle really, I really loved a lot of it, except for the tiredness - I still remember having my first full night of sleep after about five and half years of two babies/toddlers three years apart; It felt AMAZING!).

I would say that my experience was overwhelmingly positive. But many people do struggle. I didn’t have to work, so I could just about cope with the tiredness. I am not sure I would have coped very well had I been a working mum on top of everything else.

But of course that’s not everyone’s experience. Difficult pregnancies, difficult labour/delivery, high needs babies, special needs, lack of support from others, poor health or PND, lots of factors come together to create each individual experience.

People also really don’t understand the extent to which your life is no longer your own - for years you will worry, be concerned, be on guard against accidents, always one eye on the baby/toddler/young child. It’s important to regularly carve out time away if you possibly can, so that you can just relax.

I think it's six of one and half a dozen of the other. It's akin to when you're little and people say "these are the best years of your life".

We had our first and it was HARD, but then it got easier and we became used to it and had a second and so on, then we had a third and so on. We've not got to the "it got easier" point yet with our third. I'm hoping we do but it's still currently HARD. The level of crazy busy that we are is insane but I am self employed and my husband is both employed and self employed too but we did that to pay for our (surprise) third and couldn't afford 3 children otherwise. We don't get down time at all. Life is exhausting and relentless and we are on our knees and find family life very very hard. But we didn't know it would be quite like this or no we wouldn't have had more children. However we love them all so much it makes it very much worth it all.

I'm the same position as you OP. I'd take the comments with a pinch of salt. Obviously it's going to be hard to some extent but as others have said, there are so many variables that affect what kind of experience you'll have - your finances, relationship, whether you have a support network/help with childcare, whether you have an easy/difficult labour, PND, your child's personality or whether they have a disability etc. But just because it's really tough for some people doesn't necessarily mean it will be for you.
Then there's also your own attitude. Some people like to be martyrs and make things difficult for themselves and always complain about everything.
There has never been a better time to have a child - we have so many comforts, labour saving devices, access to information, advanced and free healthcare, career/flexi working options etc compared to previous generations. It's going to be significantly easier for us than it was for our grandmothers, for example.
Finally, most parents I know haven't given up their lives. A friend went on holiday with her 6 month old, and a girl from a sport club I go to was back to it within months. My own mum took me hiking up mountains at a year old and then skiing as soon as I was old enough (and no we weren't rich, she had to work full time).
Some people choose to make their entire life about their children but it doesn't have to be like that.

There's always something to be said.
During pregnancy everyone said it was tiring and hard work. Baby arrived and thankfully she was a sleeper. Then they said 'wait till she's a toddler'. She's now 2 and a half and now people say 'second born children are the hardest' or 'wait till she's a teenager'.

Just go into it with an open mind.

I've got three children under the age of five. If it was that bad I wouldn't have kept doing it and neither would anyone else. It's lovely having children, it's the best thing I ever did and I normally can't stand kids!

It's been a while since l had a baby but they not hard. Babies are portable your life can carry on with baby.Millions of people have babies everyday then just and carry on with life and the baby fits in. Babies are easy

Yes. Pregnancy seems to make you fair game for all manner of completely inappropriate comments and unsolicited advice from all manner of sources. I particularly enjoy being a told what I can and can’t eat (bearing in mind that NHS guidelines themselves change from one year to the next). I really loved being asked by my HR manager last time whether I got pregnant “by accident”. Yes, I got up in the middle of th night, I tripped and fell, et voila

So many people have so much to say. Words can’t even do justice to the positives though. Having a baby is an amazing journey - I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I have a 2 year old and am pregnant with my second.

It all depends on the person and the baby I think. I find babies a breeze and really enjoy when they're little.
Friends have hated the baby stage and found it tiring, stressful and boring.
I have a soon to be teenager and this is the stage that's testing me and costing the most money!

You still have a life it doesn’t stop you - you have to adapt of course.

Depends what your life was like before ie if you’re out every weekend or drink a lot you sure won’t be doing that because who wants to look after a baby hungover also it’s not safe obviously etc.

It’s definately exhausting don’t
underestimate how tiring it is especially the first 6 months or so - it takes a mental toll on the primary carer & physical toll post partum on you in many many ways.

Many women go on to have more kids for the child to have a sibling which really isnt a great way to have a child - who knows if they’ll grow up & get along. I’ve had convo with women who don’t like pregnancy & have suffered PPD and still went on to have kids out of guilt.

Each to their own - you’ll experience it soon enough. Good luck.