Afraid to lose myself after baby (long post)

[hmfair54]

Not sure whether I'm really posting this in the right place but since I'm pregnant I thought I would rant to people in my situation.

To give a bit of backstory, I'm 21 and found out I was pregnant on Christmas Eve (approx 5 weeks). I'm really happy about it and so is my partner (the only other person I've told so far - I had a miscarriage a few months ago so don't want to tempt fate).

I know it's still really early days but it's only just hit me this afternoon as I've been getting ready to go to they gym with one of my friends that there'll be a day where I won't be able to spontaneously go and do a gym class whenever I feel like it, and honestly, I feel kinda sad about it.

It's not just the gym of course, it's doing other things too, like going on last minute weekends away with my boyfriend or away for birthdays/events with my friends. Of course I understand that things were never going to be the same but I'm worried about just how much I'll have to give up.

None of my friendship group have children or are even debating having children at this point in time so I'm scared about them losing interest in me or not wanting to spend time with me because I couldn't do things at the drop of a hat anymore. I bought a house earlier this year so already have little money/time to go out and do things as it is.

I'm worried I'll lose myself and my friends and I'll just exist for my baby when they're here (I'm an only child so have never been the best at sharing my free time). How do you be a mum but still stay a part of who you were before and find time to just be you?

The first key thing is to have a good partner who steps up and does an equal share of parenting,to enable you to have free time to yourself.

Weekends away can still happen there’s just three of you.

Make time for your friends and don’t necessarily expect them to organise plans around a baby.

Your life will change completely however. But that doesn’t mean it will do so negatively.

Yes having a child is definitely a self less time in the beginning- you will of course get people telling you it won’t and you can do everything you used to be able to but im sceptical! That’s hugely dependent on the type of baby you have, money, and help.
I don’t gym anymore, I did on occasion when on mat leave but after returning to work I had no time of inclination, and would rather use the subscription money towards childcare.
People I know with babies who travel without their LO have grandparents near by- not an option for me but that is possible for many. Actually travelling with a baby isn’t too difficult- with a toddler it’s a flaming night mare!
As for friends, you will no doubt make new ones- mum friends - do you plan to go to baby classes etc?
I lost the odd friend who showed zero interest in my child to the point of being rude, (seemingly happens a lot if you read other mn posts). But my good friends I still see and go out with. I probably go out a couple of times a month in the evening with them and they see my child a couple of times a month: coffee and cake times etc.

Life will change be under no illusions but it’s not for nothing, you get to start your life with your
child.