Tell me good things!!

[Aimzxo]

First baby over here, 35 weeks pregnant

Last of our friends to have a baby

All I keep hearing is such negative things

Get ready for no sleep
Get ready to have no money
Get ready for no holidays
Get ready for no social life
Get ready to walk around looking homeless
Get ready for the most painful experience of your life (labour)

Dont get me wrong I'm not naive I'm fully expecting the above and for our lives to be flipped upside down however it would be nice to be told positive things!
When I say to people your so negative tell me nice things and they laugh and joke and say there arent any lol

Fellow mums share some good things as it keeps going through my mind God is it as bad as people say?!

The hardest but best thing you will ever do. You will love your children more than you can ever imagine.

They make you see the world through fresh eyes, my 3 year old is genuinely funny and makes me laugh out loud.

Good look OP x

Luck even (that’s the sleep deprivation )

You'll never love anyone as much as your child(ren), probably.

You have an excuse to do child things.
They are very funny and bring immense joy.
They make you see the world in a different way.
They remind you of your childhood (hopefully the good bits).

They also drive you mad and make you worry immensely.

Eventually they'll give you grandchildren.

Some of that is true but it’s also worth it! Their little faces and giggles just melt your heart. Seeing them grow and develop into little people is truly amazing.

Sleep derivation is the worst but it gets better, also you may have a good sleeper! Labour hurts but it doesn’t last forever.

I still go on holidays and don’t walk around looking homeless?! I still go out, just not as often and really appreciate it when I do.

It’s really mean just to focus on the negative, nothing can prepare you for it but it’s so annoying when people say these things when you’re pregnant! Good luck OP x

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Yes i hate to say it but all of those things are true but that's what being a mum is all about!
Your holidays will exist just in a different way to how they used to.
Sleep deprivation doesn't last forever but the bond you build comforting that baby every night makes every lost moment of sleep worth it.
I don't belive that they are negative things just depends on your perspective.
Please ignore all of the negative nellys out there and try and enjoy your pregnancy, labour and baby when he/she arrives!
Its a scary enough step to take without a list of worry added by others.

I wish you all the luck and hope that your birth is as enjoyable as it can be 😊

First few weeks pp I looked better than I had in years because I made the effort to dress nicely and wear a bit of mascara and lipstick when I went out as I was sick of unbrushed hair and pyjamas at home all the time.
I'm more sociable now than I have been in years too, I've made new friends at groups in coffee shops and online.
Labour wasn't too bad for me, I know it can be and I expected it to be but in the end I only had gas and air, and came off of that about two hours before I then pushed for 2.25 hours. Breaking my cuboid bone in my foot was way worse.
I haven't yet had a holiday with my little one but I'm expecting them to be more fun in a way. I've only ever done holidays as a child myself or one when I turned 18 which involved a meal out, picnic on the beach, and the arcade so I was never really into relaxing in the sun getting drunk and partying holidays though I suppose.
Sleep is one that it doesn't matter who you are, you're going to be shattered whether it's at the newborn stage like myself or at around a year old like my friend.
However every morning my six month old smiles at me as I wake up, she cuddles me multiple times a day, she's learnt to kiss me (sucking on whichever part of the face is available to her) and the smiles and giggling when we're playing are incredible. The sense of pride I feel when people are cooing over her and complimenting her is amazing too, it's a real "I made this human and other people think she's amazing" kind of realisation each time.
This morning I took a nap as I struggled to get to sleep last night and her daddy brought her in to wake me up. The smile she had on her face when she saw me and was put on my chest was brilliant, it even took away the anger that I'd been woken up!

Get ready for....

The most amazing rush of love you'll ever know in your life. Truly not to be beaten. we were the last in our friends to have kids because we struggled to conceive and had to have IVF for a decade, and yet people still said the same things to us.

Many congratulations good times ahead for you

It's a love like you never knew existed. Congratulations

Not every baby is as hard as others. I find some parents are so negative with soon to be parents.

My first was somehow difficult especially because was my first I think. But he was a good sleeper, feed well, put well on weight, I didn't have as much time as before, but still had some time to get myself presentable.

Depends a lot on baby but also on how you cope with things and your expectations.

Being now on number 4 I remember and realise that with my first was way easier that with others. I drop good positive words to first time parents as your personal but so great experience might not be their and there is no need to scare them. Plus nowadays there are so many things to make your life easier with a baby.

The cuddles and kisses!

Labour is hard but the hormone rush in the days and weeks after is intense. It's such a high. I have birth 2.5 weeks ago to DD2 and was saying to DH that although I don't think I'd want a third, I'd give birth again just to chase the high!!

The friends you make - I've met some wonderful and funny women through baby groups.

The love and excitement in grandparents eyes.

The pride!

So so many good things. Very frustrating that people only talk about the hard parts.

I've had three I would have stopped at one if it had been that bad

Get ready for no sleep...but know that in the middle of the night you’ll look down at your baby and it’ll all be worth it.
Get ready to have no money...and find so much joy in doing simple things such a walking whilst you sing to your little one
Get ready for no holidays... I call bullshit on this one. Took my DS skiing at 4 months, amazing holiday.
Get ready for no social life...but find amazing feelings of content just being alone with your child
Get ready to walk around looking homeless...and learn that it really doesn’t matter what you look like because all your priorities will change. It is a wonderfully refreshing feeling
Get ready for the most painful experience of your life (labour)...as that could potentially happen, but there are so many options to stop it being painful

Children turn your life upside down in a wonderful way

Dont believe the no sleep one my daughter slept 10-6 regular from 8 weeks after that I was waking her up for a bottle she did cause trouble dropping her nap at 15 months but she slept through from 7pm till around 9am I wasn't complaining

The first few weeks are tough all round because of people meaning well but out staying their welcome, giving advice you don't need and that is out dated and because your getting to know your little one. After a few weeks you get in a bit of a rhythm and things become much easier.
I don't look homeless, get a good night sleep, were going on holiday when my son will be 9 months old (and I've seen people do far more exotic places with much younger babies so holidays are possible!) and I have a good social life. I have met some lovely people, joined clubs and make more effort to see family and friends. I found breathing techniques really kept my contraction pain under control. I needed a episiotomy and it was painful at the end but in all honesty the worst bit lasted 10 minutes if that and my body took over. I'm far more terrified of breaking a bone than giving birth now! there are options for pain relief but I would say practice breathing. If your in control and focused it will be easier than if you panic. Giving birth and having a baby is not easy but it is 1000% worth it.

Today I have been pooped on, puked on, hit, kicked, shouted at. My house is a mess. I haven't managed to have a shower even. I feel gross and worn out and had sod all sleep last night. Everybody is sick and snotty and grumpy from tiredness. There are many days like this. But even in these worst of parenting days, there are moments of joy that make it worthwhile. Even when I am going through hell, one smile or cuddle or kiss from my kids is enough to brighten up the day. Every night when I check on them before I go to bed, I am overwhelmed by the wonderfulness of motherhood. The mess and the money worries and my piss poor time management skills I could do without, but my kids are amazing. I cannot wait to keep getting to know them better and to discover what wonderful adults they will become someday.

Get ready for a rush of love like you've never felt before and it gets stronger everyday...

Thanks ladies!

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with a baby girl and its all I've heard from the very beginning so was getting a little tiresome hearing negative things lol

You've all been a big help:) xx

All those things are true....but you won't care! When you look back at the young years you'll remember the love and awe you had for that tiny person you made and not the sleepless nights or poo storms or the 100 other things you'd only put up with from a person you made. My firstborn was a nightmare- bad birth, colic, underweight basically everything hard. When I look at baby pictures I happy cry about how perfect he was 🤣 I always say that if we truly realised what having a baby was like we'd have gone extinct. But the good out weigh the bad soooooooooo much.

How many of those people giving you all those dire warnings stopped at one child??!! I'm betting not many. Because the good outweighs the bad.

Sleep deprivation is crap, but everyone knows you're going through it and will make allowances for you.

i'm nearly 37 weeks and i've had a LOT of people saying similar things, but more often that not it's followed with comments like 'but it's the best thing you'll ever do' 'but it's all worth it' 'but you'll love your child more than you ever thought possible'. it doesn't make up for all the negativity but it sure helps!

Blah I disagree with most of those silly negative points. You’ve been talking to the wrong people. I mean the lack of sleep thing is true but you’re 30something weeks pregnant, I’m guessing you’ve not had all that many full nights recently?? If you have then I’m jealous!
I’m pregnant with no4 currently.
No money - We budget differently and have different priorities to what we used to. I don’t feel we’ve missed out at all. The only ones of my friends that regularly complain of this expected to be able to continue shopping for ‘wants’ like pre kids and buy everything off a wish list brand new for baby. There are things for your first that you will probably buy because someone told you you NEED it, to then never use it.
No holidays - Again not witnessed this but plenty of my friends have. Closely linked to the first point about changing budgeting to fit. Plus you will probably opt for a different type of holiday post kids than pre. This year we went to Greece, very similar to what we’d have done pre kids but it did cost us almost three times the price, next year we’ll have a newborn so we’re thinking somewhere in this country for convenience.
No social life - Get yourself out to all the social stuff with baby right from the get go. Friends change over a lifetime and you tend to keep with you the best from each stage of life. I’ve met some amazing people through my kids and my already thriving social life us better because of them.
Looking like your homeless - Really try to make the effort not to, it’ll make you feel better even when you’re knackered and can’t be bothered. A friend of mine had her baby about six months before me and stopped wearing make up and generally looked rundown, I made a conscious decision then that I would start wearing make up until I looked less like I needed to!
Painful experience - Look up hypnobirthing. I’d have described my first as a horrific experience, in hindsight I can see it was because I wasn’t sure what to expect and the midwife was less than helpful. Thankfully Ive had two since, brilliant midwives and I felt much more in control of the whole process. No pain relief for the last two so I’m hoping this one will be the same.
The things that helped me was to keep moving my hips especially when you feel like you can’t, have music in earplugs, water birth (OMG water is an amazing pain relief!) and bizarrely to remember that animals have to do it without pain relief, essentially we are animals and our bodies are designed for this.
Congratulations!

Depends on the baby. Some of that may have been true for first three months for us as we had a very colicky baby and were struggling. But we went for our first night out when she was two months (concert that had been rescheduled- should have been while I was pg).

Short break in holidays before resuming and now have flown to the other side of the world with DD when she was four and had the most amazing holiday- little difference to what we would have done without her.

Our budget is much healthier as our careers have been doing well in the past few years.

The love and attachment you feel is like nothing I have ever experienced.

All of those things can happen if you become child-focused to the exclusion of all else. We both have to work full-time so there has always been another life that isn't revolving around children.

So many people said those things to me that I have promised myself I'll never speak negatively when any of my friends become pregnant!

None of those things will matter to you when you're holding your little DD who you'll love more than you ever could've imagined!

I really feared sleep. But in our case after the first 4 or 5 months with both DCs it has been great, easy even.

Number 2 is 13 months and sleeps from 6.30am until when we go into his room to get him around 8.30am. He sings until we go in to scoop him out of his cot.

Number 1 is 4 and sleeps from 7pm until when we go into room to get her, usually around 8am or later in the holidays. She amuses herself until one of us goes in to get her.

I actively chose to bottle feed so my partner could do nights for the first 2 weeks to allow me to recover. A good decision. It meant he could learn how to look after a baby and he learnt to take responsibility. This was really important to me.

Before I had children I thought everything would be a nightmare. I pictured myself staying at home all day in pjs, massively overweight with dark circles under my eyes with a major mental health problem. I imagined that when we did go out, we would be wrangling our screaming kids into pushchairs with no time to ourselves. I also assumed the pregnancies and labour would be awful.

In reality, my life has improved loads in so many ways. I am more content so I sleep better, I am better organised, closer to my family and my partner. Both pregnancies were fine. First labour was fine, I couldn't believe it was so easy. Second less fine but not really terrible. I have plenty of time to myself which I value a lot more than I did. AND I'm fitter and healthier than I have ever been.

I had no parenting skills before having children and no 'motherly intuition' or whatever you call it. Having children was an entitely rational decision. I read books about sleeping and looked stuff up on the internet and did little experiments to see what worked. All very useful, in spite of people saying, "your baby won't be like the book," as if I was stupid. It's great to learn from other people and apply it to your own circumstances. With Number 1, I didn't go to NCT classes or baby groups and avoided other new parents to escape judgements and comparisons. A good decision overall, although now I'm more confident, I would go to them.

I realise now that as a non-parent, I was basing my judgement on what is visible on the outside when you see parents bickering and kids screaming out and about. Yes it can be difficult with children when you are eating out or when you are in shops, but that's not all the time. That's just certain moments and certain times.

When I was childfree (up until I was 37) all I ever heard was bad stuff too, but maybe that's because parents don't want to boast or make it sound like you are missing out. Because that would be cruel, especially as having children is such a personal decision. I don't go on and on about how amazing it is to my friends who don't have children.

Good luck, it might not be as bad as you think. It might even be lovely!