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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I said i wanted a baby, now i am pregnant and i want an abortion

15 replies

Poppet626 · 27/12/2019 09:48

I know i might recieve some hate for this, honestly i hate myself for it. So i'm 7 weeks pregnant, i want to make it clear that i wasn't trying for a baby but i kept telling everyone how much i wanted one, i knew i wanted one, but i didn't want one just yet. I love my freedom, i love being able to just book a flight and go somewhere brand new, that's who i am. I have been infactuated with babies for the past 6 months and knew if i got pregnant that i would keep the baby. I had a termination about two years ago and at the time of that, i felt no regret, me and my partner werent even technically together, just had been seeing eachother for a few weeks and i had no desire for children at that point, however the abortion was painful and i felt it would be immoral for me to ever get a second abortion. Anyway.. i found out about this pregnancy around 2-3 weeks ago and when i told my partner he was angry, said i should abort or he would leave, i was gutted as although unplanned i felt i wanted to keep the baby. It took him about a week and he stopped being like that, said he was panicked but he wont leave me regardless etc which is good but since then i have felt very up and down.. one minute the baby seems like a nice idea, the next it seems like the worst thing in the world. But now for the past 5 days i really feel i dont want the baby.. i think about my freedom and my dreams that will be taken away from me.. i know if i keep the baby i will love them regardless but all i want is to keep my freedom, i want to travel still, i want to be selfish, as selfish as that sounds. I just know if i have the termination, i will feel like a monster and may never forgive myself for my actions. I feel like the worst human being in the world. I feel if i have the abortion i will never have kids again as i dont deserve them. Even my friends say 'yayyy your always saying that you want a kid' now ive told too many people wtf would they say if i terminated.. i hate myself so much, sometimes i would rather not be alive, i have wished for a miscarrige so that the decision doesnt have to be on me. What sort of a person am i. I disgust myself.

OP posts:

Guest1233 · 27/12/2019 10:04

You have to do what's right for you. Please do not let anyone elses opinions change yours.
My best friend told me she was pregnant awhile ago she thought it through and it wasnt the right time for her. She had an abortion but didnt tell me, she stayed away from me for months. When I finally pinned her down she said she thought I would be mad with her because I have children.

That hurt the most knowing she went through that alone. A true friend will never look at you any different. It's your body and your life so your choice.

shutupsteph · 27/12/2019 10:23

I genuinely don't think anyone would hate you for having these thoughts, and if they do you're better off without them. If this isn't the right time for you then you know what you need to do, and the beauty is it's entirely your fault and no one should ever judge you for whichever decision you make.

I can't tell you what to do, nobody can, just make sure you're making the best decision for you.

shutupsteph · 27/12/2019 10:24

🙈 i didn't mean to put 'entirely your fault' i meant 'entirely your decision'

TheVanguardSix · 27/12/2019 10:38

Ok stop with the self hate. There’s just no need or no room for that, OP.
This pregnancy feels fundamentally wrong to you and it’s really vital that you honour your true feelings here. The feelings are there. The feelings are real and you can’t just push them away. You do have a choice. Don’t take that for granted.

There is no punishment. You’re not the bad guy. You’re simply a loving human being who wants kids (and will have kids) at the right time rather than the wrong time... and with a good person. Maybe this is a chance to really evaluate the path you’re on and the person you’re with. Live your best life, OP. Live in truth. And don’t feel badly for having these honest feelings. Many women terminate and later on, go on to have the family they’re ready to have.
Take your time and don’t fear the choices you have in front of you. Don’t be your harshest judge. You’re human. Go easy on yourself.

Ash39 · 27/12/2019 11:00

How old are you OP?
You need to book an appointment with your gp or a family planning centre and organise some counselling straight away to help you make a choice.
If you decide to go ahead with the abortion you need to look at contraception options as well.
If you decide to keep the baby you need to try to ensure your partner's full support.

kimadey · 27/12/2019 12:01

I have a child and I am currently pregnant but have also had a abortion in the past.
I understand how you are feeling.
All I will say is, having a child does not stop you from travelling and does not stop your career! In fact, I want my children to see just as much of the world as i do. My daughter is only 13 has been to: Greece, Spain, canaries, France, florida, New York, Canada, Italy and it goes on. She has also been skiing, dog sledding, ice skating on lakes etc.
Your life will not stop when you have children. That being said, you have to follow your heart. Allow yourself time, you have plenty yet. Take care and don't think bad of yourself x

AutumnRose1 · 27/12/2019 12:03

I think a lot of people have vague thoughts that having a child would be nice

they are not necessarily anything more than idle thoughts.

do what's right for you.

happycamper11 · 27/12/2019 12:06

Agree get some counselling ASAP as you sound confused and panicked. You don't have to tell your friends you had a termination if you don't want, if that's what you decide.

happycamper11 · 27/12/2019 12:08

Also agree with a pp that your catastrophizing a little about the lack of freedom. My DC from a very young age have the same thirst for travel as me. My work restricts when I can go in the exact same way their schooling does so that's not even an issue.

thosethreewords · 27/12/2019 12:11

BPAS and pregnancy crisis helpline can help you talk things through. You are not alone.
Whatever you choose, make sure you do it for the right reasons FOR YOU and not because of what you think others will think of you.
Also, I think your partner's initial reaction was quite horrible and would make me reconsider being with someone so cruel! But that's another matter.

stophuggingme · 27/12/2019 12:11

Only you can decide but imo it is worse to bring an unwanted baby into the world than have an early termination.
Your reasons are your reasons.

But if you wait for the perfect time to have a baby there might not be one, there is always a process of give and take with everything in life. So many things worth having involve sacrifice or adjustment . As a mother myself f I would tell you that those sacrifices have always been worth it for me.

BertieBotts · 27/12/2019 12:12

Can you contact BPAS and request an urgent appointment for pregnancy counselling? It sounds like there are a lot of factors wrapped up in this decision and it might help to hash that out with someone trained.

I do think it's quite normal when you're in the early stages of pregnancy and it's not quite real yet to think omg what have I done, how can I hit the reset button on this? As you've had a termination before perhaps that's why this option is coming up specifically. Having a child really is a lifelong life changing choice unlike anything else you'll ever do really, so it's natural to feel quite alarmed by it. Have you looked at any pregnancy apps? I found I felt more connected to my pregnancies at an earlier stage by looking up what stage of development the foetus is at etc, how big it is.

I also wonder if you're having a bit of a reality check WRT your partner? He doesn't necessarily sound the most supportive and that might be niggling at you. Perhaps you envisaged yourself in a different situation and it's a bit of a wake up call? Either way you need to do what's right for you. Everyone else's opinions might be tricky to deal with but all of that will be short term. That's why I think the counselling might be the best option to give you space up sorry things out in your head.

BertieBotts · 27/12/2019 12:12

Space to sort * did not proof read last sentence

IamMaisie · 27/12/2019 16:26

It sounds like your feelings have been triggered by your partner's reaction. You've taken on his fears and his threats unsurprisingly tainted the first week of your pregnancy.

If my partner had been so unsupportive to me, it would have shaken my faith in the relationship and I would re-thought my pregnancy as well.

littleshocks · 26/09/2021 16:20

Hi there,
Tried to PM the poster but it says you are not receiving messages at the moment. Was wondering how this turned out for you and how you are feeling now? Feeling very desperate as i'm in a very similar situation myself. Thanks.
Emma

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