For those who have miscarried

[Southmouth]

I found out the other day that I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. I feel numb. We were so excited to tell everyone after our scan just after Christmas and had already talked nonstop about our baby.

I just keeping wondering what if or did I do something wrong? I’m trying to distract myself but I’m in unbearable pain with cramps and bleeding so can’t seem to think of anything else.

There are so many many things that can go wrong in early pregnancy and sometimes things just don’t come together to produce a successful baby. If you think of all the different pieces that need to be put in place for the human body it’s not surprising that a third of pregnancies end in miscarriage.
Don’t blame yourself.
It is nothing you did.
Just give yourself time to mourn your baby and with your partner.
Big hugs to you.

@Southmouth I'm so sorry to hear that. Very similar happened to me in the summer and it's devastating, especially when you've been thinking about and planning for the future child so much, and getting excited about telling relatives. As PP says, sadly sometimes this just happens, it's a horrible fact of nature. Do take care of yourself

You won't have done anything wrong. When this happened to me, I felt SO responsible; like I'd failed at protecting my child. Then my GP explained how often this happens ... and some work colleagues came to find me when I went back to work and told me all about how it had happened to them too. It really won't be because of anything you have or haven't done.

It's nothing you've done. You couldn't have prevented it. But I know how hard it is to have a mc, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take time for yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Be open about it if you can to friends and family; I eventually found it really helped to share (took a while though).

There is nothing you’ve done wrong or could have done differently. I’m so so sorry for your loss. I had a mc last year at 8 weeks and it was absolutely shattering. Be kind to yourself and take it easy, it’s a big emotional and physical strain. If you feel able it might help to tell close family/friends so they can be supportive. Xx

I had a mc at 6 weeks earlier this year whilst on holiday abroad with DH and in-laws. I hadn’t known I was pregnant until miscarrying and it was awful, passing what clearly looked like a little baby in a hotel toilet alone whilst in-laws were in the next room, trying not to cry. It didn’t feel real at the beginning but I felt better when I realised how common it was, knowing it wasn’t just me made a difference. I’m now pregnant again and am almost 6 weeks, scared of it happening again but there’s nothing anyone can do unfortunately other than keep going and hoping for the best.

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Like everyone else has said, it is nothing You have done. Take time to look after yourself.
I have had two miscarriages this year. On a positive note, I managed to conceive straight away after I miscarried in May and I am now 33 weeks pregnant (ovulated again less than two weeks later and got pregnant).
Sending you hugs x

time is the only healer.

Time is not the only healer in my experience. OP you may want to consider talking to an MC support charity and/or a counsellor about how you feel. My workplace offer free counselling to staff to cope with difficult times, maybe your work offers this too. I did this and it helped enormously.
It's truly dreadful what you are going through, I'm so very sorry

I'm really really sorry OP.

I hope you find comfort in the fact that a great many early miscarriages are caused by genetic malfunctions which are pure chance and bad luck and absolutely NOT your fault at all and that most women will go onto have a healthy baby in future. In a significant majority of cases there is nothing you could have done. Please dont beat yourself up over this, you've been through enough xxx

Listen

You haven’t done anything wrong.

You’ve got to just accept - albeit depressingly - that sometimes it doesn’t work out.

The you have to rely on friends and family to support you through this difficult time and physically you gotta rest.

I’m sorry for you OP. I’ve been where you are now and it’s SHIT. You have to have to have to just keep one foot in front of the other whilst simultaneously recognising that you’re going through something with a BIG physical and mental toll xx

You won't believe me but it's nothing you did. I know you won't believe me because I didn't believe the people who told me my miscarriage wasn't my fault.

Look after yourself, it's a shit time. Just because you may physically feel fine don't push yourself, your mental well-being is just as important.

I'm so sorry this has happened OP

Thank you everyone, only my OH knows so it’s good to get some things off my chest.

Can I ask when the bleeding and cramps slowed down or stopped? I’ve been bleeding and clotting heavily for nearly a week now and I’ve had unbearable cramps that tablets just don’t seem to be touching.

In which case I’m afraid you may need a ERPC.

That’s when the miscarriage can not complete fully and you need a little operation under general anaesthetic to complete the process.

I would call your GP and explain the situation x

You did nothing wrong op. It’s just a painful twist of nature. Be kind to yourself and if you want to tell people what happened, do. There are no rules, so share if you want to talk about or need the support.

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut sorry what is a ERPC? Is it not normal to be still bleeding/cramping now then?