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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Mum in waiting room during labour?

34 replies

applestrudels · 18/12/2019 23:50

Luckily my mum told me years ago that she would never dream of wanting to be in the room when I give birth, so we're on the same page there, but she does seem to think that she'll be "in the waiting room", and that she'll be getting a call when I go into labour, and will have to "rush over".

This is just so different to how I imagined it... I had just assumed that, OK, yeah, we might tell our parents when I go into labour, but why on earth they would need to "rush" anywhere, let alone be in the waiting room, I do not know. I was thinking a call a few hours after the baby is born, when we're cleaned up and rested and had sufficient time for cuddles ourselves, would suffice... My understanding is that labour can last many hours, if not days, so what on earth visitors would do in the waiting room I do not know - especially when the hospital is a 5 minute taxi ride from our house and the place where my mum will probably be staying, so why would you want to sit on an uncomfy chair with crap magazines when you could be at home watching telly and stuff in a nice armchair..? And then after the baby is born you have the afterbirth, possibly stitches, cleaning up, skin-to-skin contact with mum and dad, attempting to breastfeed... i.e., no time for visitors!

I'm just a bit confused, because, having gone through the experience herself more than once, I would have imagined my mum would know all of that, so am I missing something? Has anyone else had visitors waiting in the waiting room, and was there actually any point to it?

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neverornow · 18/12/2019 23:57

I didn't have anyone in the waiting room and would definitely not have been up for seeing anyone immediately after. Even my mum who I absolutely adore and have a very close relationship with. I was totally out of it for a while and like you say, just wanted cuddles with my babies that I'd waited so long to meet. You don't know what way you'll be pain wise, exhausted etc.

Just politely insist that she stay at home until after baby is born.

Good luck with the birth!

ineedaholidaynow · 18/12/2019 23:57

I went into labour at midnight and went to hospital at 3am. There were no phone calls to soon to be grandparents until after DS was born and even then DH waited a few more hours until a more respectable time in the morning.

All our parents lived a long distance from us so there was never going to be the option of sitting in the waiting room as soon as I was in labour but if they lived closer I would have hated that. I had complications after DS was born, so far better my parents got the phone call once those complications had been sorted.

saraclara · 19/12/2019 00:04

With a first baby, there's no reason for anyone to know you've gone into labour. We just let people know when the baby arrived. Obviously with the second, someone has to know! But they're going to be looking after #1DC, not sitting in the waiting room!

The same was to be the plan when my daughter went into labour. We wouldn't know until baby arrived. But then her waters broke while she was out with me! I went home though, not to the hospital!

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 19/12/2019 00:06

Definitely no one in the waiting room - no time in my case, ds arrived 25 minutes after we got to the mat unit (I apparently have a high pain threshold and my show came just before he did in his sack) , but everyone was at work anyway.
DH was talking to my parents before and after birth as my mum had sent him a text asking how I was (had been having contractions for almost 3 days) so they were aware ds had arrived, as we're inlaws. But no one came to the hospital until afternoon visiting hours so we'd had a good 4/5 hours cuddling and adjusting.

Just be upfront with her and say you appreciate the support, but wouldn't she rather be at home than hang around the hospital for potentially hours and hours

sandgrown · 19/12/2019 00:12

I went to the hospital to keep my daughter company in the early stages of labour which can be very long. I was going to.leave when the action started but DD and her husband asked me to stay. It was a fabulous experience. I understand your mum's excitement. Most GPs just want a quick look at their new grandchild and then they will be on their way . When your mum had you it was probably the norm for relatives including dads to wait in the waiting room.

ISmellBabies · 19/12/2019 00:19

Do hospitals even have a waiting room anymore in their birthing units? Ours doesn't. It's a very old fashioned idea from when dads didn't go in the room for the birth. Be assertive op, and just tell her not to come until you message her.

GlamGiraffe · 19/12/2019 00:31

Waiting room?
Which hospitals have waiting rooms in the labour department, or actually anywhere in the maternity department? You have to go through a security desk to get onto labour and maternity wards and I'm not sure they would be too keen in having to deal with finding space for spare audience members.

There isnt space in hospitals.
Even if there was, if you were (hopefully not) to have a 2 or 3 day labour what do they think they would be doing in said waiting room for so long.
After my last baby was born the doctor actually said no visitors for me or baby for several hours, so this is also a possibility.

If I were you I ptobabk wouldnt tell them until the baby was born, but in advance tell them these other points and explain how in such a fluid situation it is unfair to add stress on to you over worrying about them. They need to be concerned you are stress free and safely giving birth and you and GC are safe and healthy. (But then still dont tell them until afterwards)

Aquamarine1029 · 19/12/2019 00:37

No one should be in the waiting room. That's just ridiculous because there's no way of knowing how long your labour will last. Tell your mother to stay comfortably at home and you/your partner will call as soon as you're able after the baby is born.

Cineraria · 19/12/2019 00:45

I'm fairly sure our hospital didn't have a waiting room. There were a couple of chairs in the corridor outside the Maternity Assessment Unit but they were typically in use by mums waiting for someone to let them in, e.g after having a walk round the corridors. I suppose people could have waited in the hospital's foyer downstairs by the reception, shop and cafe but again that was just half a dozen seats, typically used by people who were waiting for taxis and it was very draughty as the electronic doors were always opening.

Are you sure yours has a waiting area?

AlunWynsKnee · 19/12/2019 00:48

I don't think they have a waiting room. She will be in the hospital cafe which may be shut if it is overnight.

LightDrizzle · 19/12/2019 00:59

She’s been watching too much fictional TV.
If you are in the UK, there is no Waiting Room. Just like there is no nursery behind a big window with all the babies lined up in bassinets. It belongs in the past.
You don’t need the pressure of relatives clock watching, bombarding your DH with texts and ambushing passing midwives for updates because they are just SO worried and have no idea what’s happening. He needs to concentrate on supporting you.
Don’t tell her when you go in to the hospital and make sure the unit is aware that you are not expecting visitors and don’t want anyone admitted.

SexlessBoulderBelly · 19/12/2019 01:31

I’m the complete opposite with my mum. I want my mum and DPat the birth. Unfortunately I have to have a c section so mum will be waiting for me to come out with DP once it’s done. But I’m to call her as soon as they confirm when they’re actually going to take me in.

If I was going to give birth naturally I’d be clenching DD in there until my mum came. She’s a huge support for me and I don’t think I could do it without her.

Zm2019 · 19/12/2019 06:49

I cant see no harm having your mum there. My mum is usually very hands on and she asked to be in the room with me and my husband and I said yes as long as she stayed at the top end. I am so glad I said yes tho as she was a really big help to my husband, when he needed a break she was there for me. When it came to labour she was amazing helping me. When the baby was born she was so emotional and kept back so my husband and I could enjoy our moment and took some lovely pictures of our first moment as a family together x

Magpiefeather · 19/12/2019 07:04

You don’t have to tell her when you’re in labour if you don’t want to. Just tell your mum a few hours after baby is born, if she asks why you didn’t tell her til then, “well i was a bit busy!”

IMO Labour and birth is one of the only times in life you need to be selfish and do what YOU want to do, you don’t need to consider other people’s preferences. If your mum pacing outside would put you on edge, you could tell her that. You could say what would help you most would be if she waited at home til you called her. If she will be pestering by text, get your other half to text her saying “turning phone off now so I can concentrate on helping applestrudles. Will let you know when we have any news.”

Good luck OP!

OceanSunFish · 19/12/2019 07:05

I had a fairly long labour (20 hours from 5cm dilated to birth). We were in contact with my parents every now and then, and for the last few hours they came and sat in the waiting room. I think they were getting a bit worried by then (although there was no need, it was a straightforward labour but just long). There was another set of grandparents waiting too, and they were comparing notes on the progress of the births! So I don't think it's as unusual as some posters are saying.

My PILs live further away but we kept them updated by phone.

It's up to you OP, but I think my parents liked to be there.

DappledThings · 19/12/2019 07:20

As others have said there is no waiting room. So she can't be in it!

ToTravelIsToLive · 19/12/2019 07:29

there wasn't a waiting room at the hospital I gave birth in so may be the same at yours. I was transferred to the Labour ward where they limit visiting hours and the amount of visitors so even if my mum had waited she wouldn't have been able to see me until the next day as it was early hours when I transferred to the Labour ward. I didn't want to see anyone after as I needed a drip so felt pretty rough and looked awful!

ToTravelIsToLive · 19/12/2019 07:30

transferred to postnatal ward sorry

IvinghoeBeacon · 19/12/2019 07:32

There were a couple of plastic chairs outside the maternity unit at my hospital. You could be in labour for hours and hours. I understand her excitement and concern but I’m not really sure how she imagines this will go.

IvinghoeBeacon · 19/12/2019 07:33

I was in labour for 27 hours (mostly at home) and we told no one as that was my preference

daisypond · 19/12/2019 07:36

No waiting room. When I had mine, I phoned my mum afterwards and then she travelled the 250 miles to come and see us in the next few days. She couldn’t have been there earlier- how would she know when the baby would arrive?

MotherofKitties · 19/12/2019 07:37

Don't tell her if you don't want to.

Everyone in my family wanted to know when I was in labour but my DH and I agreed we would t tell anyone; last thing you need is your phone blowing up with texts and calls asking 'how is it going?' 'Is the baby here yet' when you and your DP should be focused on you and you alone!

Obviously if it's not your first the situation may be different if you need to arrange childcare etc. Either way, do what you feel comfortable with. Good luck x

user1493413286 · 19/12/2019 07:41

I’m not sure there is such thing as a waiting room in most delivery suites, I guess there’s chairs in the corridors but they aren’t for sitting on for hours/days. I also agree that you’ll want some time with your new baby and have visitors when you’re ready.
I wonder if she’s just got carried away and forgotten the reality so just explain to her how you’ll be doing it

WorldsOnFire · 19/12/2019 07:44

The thing is it’s an entirely person choice there’s no right or wrong to this.

I’ll have my DM and DH in the room for the most part, DM may wait in the waiting room for some parts, depends how it goes.

I’ve heard how long labour can take and feel that if I have a long one (first baby) it’s not a bad idea for DH and DM to be support for each other. DH will find it tough to see me in a lot of pain and he’s quite reserved so might not give me the ‘COME ON YOU CAN DO THIS’ that my DM will. He’ll probably also need to go get a meal at some point and maybe take a nap so he can be alert once baby is here (and I can sleep off my hard work 👍🏻)

However, this doesn’t work for everyone. There’s no standard choice it’s just whatever makes you happy and comfortable. As long as you make sure to communicate your wishes, clearly and well in advance then YANBU to expect everyone to listen to you.

It’s your birth!

OceanSunFish · 19/12/2019 07:52

It depends on the type of labour you have (which obviously you won't know in advance). Some labours are short and intense and you won't have the time or inclination to be texting etc. Others progress slowly (it took around 14 hours for me to get from 5cm dilated to 8cm dilated!) and there's plenty of time for that kind of thing in between contractions. Obviously it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your mum too.

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