Hi all :), I wanted to vent a little but also hoping that someone else might be able to give me an outside perspective.
In March I had a very early miscarriage. I was barely three weeks at the time but I noticed a thick brown discharge a week before my period. I was able to recover because I suppose by the time I took the test I already knew something was wrong and the pregnancy wasn't viable - plus it was so early. My partner's reaction was a little different, as soon as I told him he started to get excited which at the time was really hard for me because I kept having to explain that it wasn't anything to be excited over and I was losing the pregnancy. I felt like it was in one ear and out the other. In a way it was making it worse for me that he didn't want to accept the reality of the situation. I felt like there was no room for my feelings or emotions. And when he eventually accepted what was happening, he was really upset, which again left very little room for my feelings.
I took a pregnancy test on Monday and it was positive. I am about 4 and a half weeks so it is really early but I just feel so lonely. I decided to take some time on my own to think and while I really want a baby I'm so scared that I might miscarry that I don't want to get my hopes up. But I guess the other issue in this is that I'm afraid to tell my partner because I think he'll go over the top. I sort of feel like I can't deal with his emotions as well as my own anxiety at the minute. I know that makes me sound awful but I just feel like it's easier not to tell him until I know everything is okay, then its only my upset I have to deal with. When he gets something in his head he has this way of just bulldozing over everything. I really don't want to be unfair to him though and I do feel really alone. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice on what I should do for the best? I feel really sick already so hiding it is getting tricky.
on an unrelated matter has anyone had bad back pain so early on? I have had issues with lower back pain all year (doctors have been slow acting on or diagnosing it) but all of a sudden it's started up again. I have no bleeding or abdominal pain but it's a little concerning still!
Anyway thank you for reading and for any advice :)