Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Oh dear .. help please!!

19 replies

ahenderson270 · 18/12/2019 00:35

So... this is a long one, an odd one and an awful one to write out.

In May this year I gave birth to my daughter at 16 weeks. She was my 9th loss and the furtherest along, as such a post-mortem was carried out. This found that i have an autoimmune disease that triggers an immune response to foetal DNA.

I had been trying for a forth and last baby with my ex (we wanted another child but neither of us have any interest in perusing new relationships owing to our ages and time restraints.

After the post-mortem results we decided to stop trying and be content with the three we have.

During the months following my daughters death I went a little off the rails and partied a few times and had a few random hook ups with people who's first names I'm not even sure of. Each time contraception was used, and I have a coil fitted.

I had a really painful and strange period end of August but other than that I've had occasional spotting here and there but not thought anything Of it because my coil could apparently stop my cycles.

Fast forward to now so 7 months since my daughter died about maybe about 5/6 since my last hook up I've had a weird few weeks.

I've had hideous heart burn that, at times has made me physically sick. I've been horrifically tired and I've gained a fair few pounds. This last week I've noticed some strange sensations from my tummy that I've put down to my IBS, and I've had some really odd pains in my back, lower pelvis and .. well cervix area.

Today.. a stranger in Morrisons asked me when I was due.. initially I was super offended and embarrassed but then I got to thinking.. then panicking to then full on freaking out.

I bought a test and low and behold it's positive .. the last time I can definitely remember having sex is well over 4 months ago.

I have completely freaked out, I have a private scan booked for Thursday afternoon but this evening I've really noticed what I know now to be baby moving and it ain't flutters and swirls .. it's kicks that I can feel from the outside and then.. I just got out the shower and noticed I have a full on bump that's much bigger then my boobs and butt (I'm a new user so can't include a pic)

How far along do I sound to you guys?? It's been 5 years since I was last pregnant last 16 weeks and with my daughter in May at 16 weeks I didn't look or feel pregnant and I didn't know she had passed away because I hadn't began to feel any movement ..
Thanks in advance for your help

A x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Lexie365 · 18/12/2019 19:52

afraid im no help but just wanted to say good luck tommorow at your scanSmile really hope everything works out, keep us updated xx

FebMama2Be · 18/12/2019 20:18

I am so sorry about your losses. I'm no help either I am afraid, but if you definitely haven't had sex for 4 months then you have got to be atleast 4 months along.
Good luck for your scan tomorrow

shutupsteph · 18/12/2019 20:26

I'm afraid I can't hazard a guess as to how far along you are but it's likely to be four months if that's when you last recall having sex!

It's so strange that you have the coil yet are very likely to be pregnant! All the best for your scan x

PixieDustt · 18/12/2019 20:35

So sorry for your losses.
Good luck with tomorrow and congratulations on your pregnancy

Jesskir89 · 18/12/2019 20:38

Op I just wanted to send well wishes and hope you figure this out. Would you know who the dad is?

Original poster
ahenderson270 · 18/12/2019 20:47

Thanks ladies, I've been looking over my diary and I can almost pin point the last time as the 16th of August. But of course it could have happened on one of the couple of times before then.

I'm so nervous about tomorrow, I know I'm still nowhere near recovered emotionally or mentally from the death of my daughter in May and my two youngest children have pretty intense special needs and I of course have no idea who this baby's father is or how to contact them.

I've been looking into failed coils and it's quite common, especially in women with endometriosis, from which I suffer. Nobody told me that at the time :( x

OP posts:
chloxox08 · 18/12/2019 21:10

Oh dear, what a major shock! At least you'll be able to find out for certain at your scan tomorrow

Jesskir89 · 18/12/2019 21:10

Op I can fully empathise as I also lost my son 10 years ago at 16 weeks and had to give birth. Its not something you ever get over I've been petrified all through this pregnancy but it does get easier I promise. Hopefully tomorrow will help you pin point the father. Are you pleased you're pregnant?

goingtoneedabiggercar · 18/12/2019 21:13

Very little helpful to say but I wanted to wish you all the best, I can't imagine how anxious you must be.

Original poster
ahenderson270 · 19/12/2019 13:59

Well ladies I am definitely pregnant.

19w 4d with a boy (my fourth) .. I am in complete shock. He's very active hence feeling all the movement, he looks perfect and has a fantastic heart beat.

The sonographer has a very good look around his head and brain and face, no sign of Arnold Chiari at all, cerebellum tonsils are firmly in the right place, his head is perfectly shaped, nasal bridge and bones fully intact and the correct shape.

He has no cleft lip or pallet and his long bones measure perfectly for his gestation.

My coil is embedded in my cervix and will need surgically removing perhaps before birth.

In comparison to my previous scans on babies lost and living .. this was .. perfect.

It was the scan I've always wanted and never had and I'm on cloud nine.

However. I've no idea how I feel about being pregnant. Especially considering I have no idea who the father is or how to tell my family how stupid I've been.

OP posts:
Lulufluff · 19/12/2019 14:08

@ahenderson270 wow! I’m so pleased this has worked out for you.
So you say you wrote in your diary when you DTD?
Can you not pin point it from that and maybe who the father is?
You deserve some luck after all you’ve been through.
You’re not stupid. Good luck with everything x

shutupsteph · 19/12/2019 18:00

Wow! So glad to hear that your baby is doing well and you loved your scan.

Can you afford to do without support from the father? And I suggest being honest with your family, it's not like you were careless, the coil failed and it's going to result in a beautiful new baby

Jesskir89 · 19/12/2019 21:45

Op these things have a way of working out. Is there no potential father you can think of?

Original poster
ahenderson270 · 20/12/2019 00:09

Sorry I've been wrapping my head around this craziness ..

I'll try and answer the questions..

No I have no idea who the father is .. I know which particular hook up resulted in the pregnancy but I was using an app for anonymous hook ups .. no real names .. the whole point was to get an 'itch scratched' , move on and forget them 🤦🏻‍♀️

I can afford financially to do it alone, emotionally, physically .. with my existing children's special needs.. I have no idea .. but at my gestation I don't see what option I have.

My family and I have been put through the ringer this year with one thing and another and I'm fearful this news will only be seen as a straw breaking the camels back in regards to pressure on everyone and logistics.

They're all rather conservative and they're going to be upset that I was meeting random strangers to have some fun.. at the time it seemed like a good idea for relieving tension. Now.. I'm very ashamed.

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 20/12/2019 06:31

Op can you not see if you can still find the man on the app? Also anyone that tries to tell you they've not made mistakes are lying.... I'm sure you'll get the support you need

Original poster
ahenderson270 · 20/12/2019 22:16

Thanks Jess,

I deactivated my account and deleted the app so I don't have any of the PMs and I've been on looking today but I suspected at the time he was in a relationship and was using burner accounts and making new ones every time, main reason I didn't see him again

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 21/12/2019 00:09

Op that's a shame but you can do this with or without the father. Please keep us posted on how you get on. Best of luckx

Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy · 22/12/2019 11:16

Wow what a story! Amazing! Please don’t feel ashamed. You wanted another baby and now your having one 😁. Does it really matter who the biological dad is? I think you need to feel ok with this for yourself before you tell family. Could you perhaps have some counselling sessions to work through your feelings before telling family? It’s clearly meant to be. Definitely write it all down which will be healing for you and make a great book one day! Xx

Original poster
ahenderson270 · 22/12/2019 11:56

@Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy

I have to say I really like this idea, I am in huge shock and if I'm honest I'm terrified to think in a few months I'll have four of them .. luckily I already have a big enough car but beyond that we had downscaled our life after accepting no more children.. smaller house, booked a load of skiing holidays and short stays all up and down the uk next year.. it sounds really shallow I know but I'm pointedly aware that a few moments of indiscretion has permanently and drastically altered everyone's life x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread