Can someone tell me I'm being ridiculous

[GingerRH]

So I previously suffered a miscarriage.

I'm 10 weeks pregnant tomorrow and we had a scan last week at 9+1. Sonographer told us it was a cute little baby and there was a heart beat. Everything's fine and we just needed to go back again at 12 weeks (we weren't sure of dates as no AF since miscarriage).

So the first time round I told my mum at 4weeks because we'd been trying for a year and I was just so happy. I then had to call her and say we lost the baby and it was the single most horrific thing I've ever had to do.

So this time round she still doesn't know.

We're planning on telling my parents/brother and DSD on Christmas Day. I'll be 11weeks.

So now is where I need you to tell me I'm being silly. I'm going into a massive panic that between last week and our 12 week scan on 2nd Jan something gone wrong and I'm now not only going to have to tell my mum again but my 7 year old DSD.

I've googled all the statistics and have read once you've seen a heart beat the risk of something happening is like 2%. Id just love it if other people could back this up to try and settle my mind.

Please no sad stories to encourage my worrying.

Why don’t you wait till the 12 week scan? Will waiting till then cause you less panic? Xx

Have you got the time/££ to book a private reassurance scan between now and your 12 week scan? That's the only way you'll know for sure.

You're right though, that the risk of miscarriage reduces as time goes on. Like you, I had a miscarriage before having DS and got very into googling statistics! In the end I just took it day by day and somehow got all the way to 41+4 and an actual baby!

Hang in there, take it day by day.

Some people say that they would always want the people closest to them to know early so they can support them if something does go wrong - so you might want to tell them anyway?

I wouldn’t do it on Christmas Day anyway. You don’t always know how children will react. DSD might not initially be pleased.

I’d wait until the 12 week scan. There’s no point telling people and then spending a week stressed about problems happening (even though that’s very, very unlikely) when you could be enjoying Christmas. Congratulations

@PurpleDaisies we want to do it on Christmas Day because top of DSD Christmas list at our house last year was 'a baby brother' this year it's 'a baby sister'. She's desperate for us to have a baby.

Her mum announced she was pregnant at the beginning of this year and the first thing she said to me when she told me was..: 'Santa put the baby in the wrong tummy'.

So 100% no worries as to how it will go down.

@fellyjish I had a miscarriage during the summer and had told my mum I was pregnant. Ringing to tell her I'd lost the baby was actually worse than having lost the baby.

There's a clinic availability this Sunday so I might just go and have one then.

But it's hard to justify the money when I know I'm probably being silly and everything's totally fine 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I had a mmc in September 2018 and found out I was expecting again by December 2018. We told some family Christmas Eve and then the rest after Christmas. My 12 week scan wasn’t until February.
Currently sat with my 14 week old DD on me watching CBeebies 😊 we had a reassurance scan at 9 weeks and saw a heartbeat, in fact we had a couple of scans. I think you’re right and the risk is quite low.
Good luck, you’ll have your baby for next Christmas x

Telling an adult about a mc is different to telling a child about a mc so I think you need to think about it that way... Chances are everything will be fine but if you can afford a private scan and it will put your mind at ease then go for it... Or could you wait till your 12 week scan then say to dsd santa has brought an extra present and then show the scan etcc? And tell your mum etc at Christmas if you was wanting too just an idea but it's entirely upto you x

@Boymummy3 that's the bit I'm worried about.

Could go for a scan on Sunday, everything be fine tell them on Christmas Day but something could still happen between Sunday and then 12 week scan. So then what am I achieving with the private scan.

Ergh. I literally hate my overthinking brain.

Half of me knows I'm being utterly ridiculous. Actually more than half, there's just that niggle at the back that eggs me on to worry.

I'm a fan of giving people what they want, so, you're being ridiculous. :P

However, if it's giving you anxiety about it, does it really have to be Christmas Day? I understand why you'd want to tell your family on the day, but it's not going to make your news any less amazing and special if it comes 8 days later.

Maybe Santa was running late. Or the elves didn't have this present ready in time. Or Santa accidentally missed this present and stopped by to give it to you on the 2nd. If it helps lessen your anxiety, maybe doing something like that for DSD (and for everyone else) after your scan would be nice. I think it's how I would do it.

@Dyra that first sentence genuinely took a little weight off.

I get why you want to do it Christmas day and plus its all so exciting for you to be getting close to that 12 week mark
But
I also think it could be equally special to tell everyone on the 2nd Janurary and what a fantastic year 2020 can be for you all.

It would start the year off with a big celebration and your anxiety would be less

Good luck regardless and congratulations on the baby

You are being ridiculous 🤪

But it’s very easy to be ridiculous on the anxiety of the first trimester, especially with previous history of MC.

Have a look at this - datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer.php

I was looking at it several times a day at my craziest 🙈 but I do find it reassuring when I’m driving myself up the wall.

Tell your family as planned at Christmas and have a wonderful day. Worrying about MC doesn’t make it less likely to happen, so you may as well forget about your worries until something happens to worry about!

Congratulations 🥳

@Nelbert19 2.6% that website says. I think I might set it to my homepage 🤣😂

I've just messaged my DH to see if I can text one of my DF who's a midwife (she doesn't know I'm pregnant) for her professional opinion. Which I already know what it will be 😂🤣

I would be anxious between last scan and 12w. I would be totally fine if I had a private one just before christmas

@Nelbert19

Thank you thank you thank you for the link

Made me smile
And reassured me

Haha you’re welcome - great isn’t it? I like looking at my stats improving every day, I’m MUCH calmer now than I was at 5 weeks!

Your bound to be anxious. Every parent is as soon as they know their responsible for a life !! And it doesn't ever ever get easier it's annoying at times lol

I'd just go get a check up if your so worried an out your own daft thoughts at ease.
But I am sure you'll be fine and DSD will have her wish

Sounds sad but theirs mini helium balloons on eBay in little box's an you could maybe get her one so when she opens it an pops it. It'll say your going to be a big sister and leave it under the tree until she eventually finds it! I LOVE soppy surprises ok lol

Congratulations!!! Xx

@Sweetpeach3 she gets a lovely handwritten letter from Santa every year from a local lady, we've had it added into that letter. 'Sorry it's taken so long but I've finally been able to get the last present off your list last year - you're going to be a big sister'.

😁😁😁

Well that's the plan anyway. And my mum will help her read the letter so they'll both find out together. ❤️

In my experience the Kerry didn't ever get any better, your chances of having a successful pregnancy are really good. I had/have anxiety around my pregnancy and baby. I always worry, I'm waiting for the thing that will go wrong. I had a MC and I think that's part of why I feel this way. If you can afford the private scan then do that and tell them. Something could happen at any point but you've done all you can to make sure that losing this pregnancy after you've told them is unlikely. Congratulations.

Worry not Kerry

@goingtoneedabiggercar totally blame the previous MC on the added worry. Otherwise I'd be dead set on announcing it as we plan. Although I still am. There's just that niggle there due to having gone through it before.

Spoken to my midwife friend. She's told me to go for it. MC reduces after 8 weeks, along with after seeing a heartbeat.

Things can go wrong at any point in a pregnancy; so can't really let that stop me.

I think I would tell people, unless it's going to be make the 12 week scan too stressful (i.e the additional pressure of having told people). I think you are right that the risk has dropped very low now. I looked at a couple of studies, one found the risk of miscarriage after 9 weeks with a heart beat was 3.1% the other said 0.5%. It does depend a bit on age. There will always be some risk and you have to tell them at some point. Christmas seems quite a nice time!

@GingerRH I am in the same boat (sort of)
I’m 8w today and have a private scan booked for this Sunday. If scan is all ok, I plan on telling my immediate family on Xmas day too even though I’m petrified that I’m gonna have a MC.

Like I’m googling every pain and niggle and constantly checking for blood when I wee. It’s driving me insane!
I just wanna relax and know it’s all gonna be ok but I can’t.

My NHS dating scan is on the 8th Jan so not miles away but I want to give my family the best Xmas present they could hope for.

I’m just hoping the scan on Sunday is all ok, maybe i night relax a bit after that.

Worst case, if anything does happen to the baby, I know I would want the support of my family around me. Xxx

Same happened to me, I got pg 1 week after my 12 week Mc.
She’s 15 next week!
Best of luck OP x

That's just the cutest idea ! I love little things like that. You have to video it so you have the memory to always look back on!
Just enjoy the magical time of year and the amazing gift you have ❤️❤️