Pregnancy and work stress

[StressedAndAnon]

Posting anon as I don’t want to be identified.

I am currently 26 weeks pregnant and work in the the NHS (hospital) in a very clinical ‘front line’ direct patient facing role. The work is physically demanding with irregular breaks, limited opportunities to rest, based in a hot (and smelly) environment.

My pregnancy has been, I would say, “moderately difficult” in terms of symptoms - I have had persistent morning sickness but fairly controllable with meds. I am still working full time but have had to take some sick days. However I am dealing with increasing work stress including very reduced staffing and exceptionally difficult situations with patients/relatives that are not being effectively managed at a higher management level. I have no senior support now for the next few weeks due to absences. I have tried to contact occupational health for support but it will be a 5 week wait for an appointment as they have no staff either.

Basically, since coming home from work on Friday I have not been able to stop thinking about work, burst into tears about 10 times over the weekend and not been able to sleep during the night. I feel quite rough with general stress/pregnancy related symptoms - headache, nausea, reflux, cramp. Everyone around me is urging me to get signed off work by my GP (who I know would be supportive) but I just can’t get over a mental block about the impact my absence would have on my already very understaffed team at such a difficult time of year, not to mention the patients. My role is quite niche so there is very limited cover. I don’t want to let people down or be seen as unable to handle stress but feel like the situation is escalating beyond my control. I also don’t know whether to report “pregnancy related symptoms” or “stress” to my employer if I am signed off sick.

I don’t know what I am looking for in posting this, whether it is a metaphorical kick up the backside to go to my GP or advice from other people who have been in a similar situation. It just feels good to share.

Thanks x

Imagine this was your best friend who came to you with this quandary. You’d tell them to be kind to themself, look after their body and their baby, and that work is just work and will sort itself out.

But for some reason we aren’t as kind to ourselves as we would be to our friends.
Go to your doctor, get their advice and see what they say. If they sign you off sick then you are sick - and you need to prioritise your health. You sound like a thoughtful and conscientious colleague; your team will understand.

You need to look after yourself and your baby. I get it - I'm also NHS, not the front-line-life-or-death sort but it is a clinical role. I very rarely take sick days and was still talking about what I had left to finish and when I might be able to go back to work when I'd been admitted to hospital with pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome before my planned mat leave was due to start. Obviously madness to think I could go back to work, but I just felt so bad that I hadn't got things finished so my patients would have to wait longer for referrals, reports etc and my overstretched colleagues would have to pick up the pieces for me

It's really hard when you feel like you're letting your team and your patients down, but they will just have to manage. Imagine how you and they would feel if you soldiered on and something bad happened to you/baby as a direct or indirect result. Put yourself and your baby first and go to the GP asap.

Please go to see your GP and get signed off.
You need to put yourself and your baby first and that’s the best way to do it.
I have been in a very similar situation with work stress whilst pregnant and I ended up very poorly towards the end of my pregnancy (which then also ended early). I also ended up very poorly in terms of my mental health when it came to returning to work as a result. I’m not saying this will happen to you but I am saying that none of that experience was worth it for what Is ultimately just a job.
It’s very difficult to see that a job is just a job when you are living this experience but it might help you to think about it in terms of what would you be telling a pregnant friend or family member (or your future child!) to do if they told you this situation or indeed to think about what would happen if you were leaving next week for a new job.
Be selfish now and protect yourself you are the only one who can and will,
Good luck I hope this post helps,

I don't work in the NHS but I really recognise the feelings you talk about.

Your priority has to be you and your child, though. It's a hard mindset to adjust to when you're used to putting everyone else first but it helps to think of it as prioritising your child rather than yourself (and that is your number one job now!)

I'd also say you'd be surprised how people can get on with things and sorry then it without you once they have to. I've had a tendancy to feel horribly guilty thinking everything will fall apart without me at times - it hasn't. To be morbid about it, if you went under a bus tomorrow they'd have to cope without you and should have plans in place to do so.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply. It is really helpful to me to hear from other people who “get” it. I have great friend and family support but no one who works in a similar environment.

@ThePurpleMoose - I hate to admit it but the ‘thinking about trying to return to work to finish reports’ part of your post would totally be me in that situation.

I guess I’m also just a bit frustrated that if some of the management related stress was better managed I feel like I might be able to keep soldiering on. But I guess they’re subject to exactly the same pressures.

@AxeOfKindness the under a bus analogy totally works for me, you’re completely right, they will just have to cope.

I am going to try and get a GP appointment tomorrow as I do feel like my mental health is beginning to suffer and I’ve probably put my poor DH through enough with my emotional state this weekend.

It has made me think about how viable my career is for me in the long term but as you’ve all said the priority right now is my unborn baby.

Hi, I was in a similar situation.

I spoke to my line manager first and gave him the opportunity to support. He didn’t (hands were tired from above). So I triggered an immediate update to my risk assessment which was done, things were promised but weren’t done. By then I was crying on the way to work, anytime that I had 5 minutes to myself, sleep was horrendous, and my one day off a week was spent really stressed and upset whilst trying to prep for the next 6 days at work. It was too much and I knew it but like you, I knew my absence would have a massive impact and I couldn’t bear to do it to them.

Then I lost my plug (21+3) and started having regular pain and tightenings. I went to triage and thanks to them I am still pregnant (25+3) and my baby is safe. Safe to say I got signed off for a few weeks and I refused to do anything associated with work. After a week I stopped stressing about it. I reconnected with my fiancé (I had put him through some horrendous crap), I didn’t cry half as much ( only normal hormonal stuff like beans instead of peas, you know!). I started being able to sleep a bit better. I was in a much better place mentally, and I connected more with my bump.

That first night in hospital when they told me my cervix had dilated was the scariest moment and it made me realise that my job was not worth my baby’s life.

I spoke to a colleague (mum of 2) not long ago and she said at the end of the day, if you dropped dead, they’d replace you and they would continue. It’s not worth it.

Please do take care of yourself and your little one. A job is not worth it. Sending lots of love your way ❤️

Firstly I'm so sorry you're feeling this kind of stress, it must be so overwhelming considering where you work. Secondly, you and your baby are the most important thing right now and if you are struggling you need to do what's best for you. Go
to your GP and get signed off, it seems like you know already that it's what you need to do but I'm assuming you'd feel guilty for doing so, but honestly you need to care for yourself and baby first and foremost. I hope you get it sorted quickly x

I was trying so hard to stay in work for as long as possible and now that I'm off it seems ridiculous that I was worried. My boss thankfully said staffing was his problem and work would just have to get done by someone else.
I'm so much better off now my symptoms have reduced dramatically and my bump took a growth spurt so I think the stress hormones were not doing baby any good.
Look after yourself you only have one chance to carry this baby.