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Original poster

Please help - newly pregnant!!!!

18 replies

Ame123 · 15/12/2019 22:27

Hi all
I just found out I was pregnant.
I've never wanted kids and I love my life and my independence.
My hobbies are going to gigs.
I am due end of August and a band I've never seen before and love will be at a festival next year and I can't go because I would have even given birth or it would be too close to risk the 3 hour journey.

This wasn't planned but despite me being a woman who wants nothing to do with kids, I had an abortion 2 years ago which ever since has sparked my biological clock to tick and the battle between my logical side and my biological side have been at war.

I'm so gutted to give this experience up. I am feeling so regretful. The baby isn't even here yet and it's already stopped me from doing something I loved.

I am so sorry for all these reading this that would give nothing more for a child but this is how I feel and I can't talk about it to anybody just yet.

How do I cope with feeling that I'm having my enjoyment taken away from me?

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puds11 · 15/12/2019 22:31

Do you want this baby?

Can you see the band another time?

If it helps, there’s not a band in the world that’s better than having my daughters and I am by no means a child person.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2019 22:33

Do you want to be a mother OP? You sound a bit naive to the whole concept to be stamping your feet over 1 gig around your due date

Original poster
Ame123 · 15/12/2019 22:36

@puds11 I don't know how to answer that..
After I had the abortion it softened me and made me question my wanting to be childfree.
It's a real tricky one for me. Ever since I had it I've had fleeting thoughts of being a mum and I can't control it.

Yes the band will be around again.

Thank you for replying x

OP posts:
Niki93 · 15/12/2019 22:36

Top and bottom of it is, your body, your choice. If you dont feel ready for a baby, have no plans to ever have any, or just genuinely have anxiety about having one so bad that you feel it is compromising your chosen lifestyle then you have the right to make a decision to abort. Yes some people dont agree with that, but pro choice is what i say.

Its a very tough decision to make but it can only be made by you. If you feel very negative feelings about being pregnant or your future with a baby then you shouldn’t force something that you dont want. Its someone you need to think about if you really want. Having a baby does hold major compromising, and if those compromises are things you cant deal with then you do have choices xx

Original poster
Ame123 · 15/12/2019 22:38

Hi OnlyFools, I had an abortion two years ago and whilst I knew it was the right decision I am not feeling like this this time.
Maybe I do but maybe I don't. I'm scared of losing my independence

Thank you for replying x

OP posts:
Original poster
Ame123 · 15/12/2019 22:40

@Niki93 thank you for replying x

I am torn. I can't go through with an abortion again. Granted my circumstances have changed for the better since I was pregnant when I was younger so I am in better circumstances but how do you put aside your needs for your baby's?

OP posts:
treenamed · 15/12/2019 22:42

Not that this should sway your decision, but it should definitely be a consideration - what does the baby's father think?

Berrylove · 15/12/2019 22:42

From my experience I would just book it anyways, I desperately wanted to go to a festival that my favourite artist was performing for the last time in my country, it was 3 days before my due date, but my dp convinced me it was silly to go so close, only my dd was 2 weeks late so we very well could have gone. Just book it, you’ll feel much better and either way you’re going to have a beautiful baby at the end of it. If you go into labour whilst you’re there you just give birth in the nearest hospital, bring your hospital bag and baby stuff, simple as that.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2019 22:45

You don’t need to put aside your needs to have a baby you need to put aside (or rather put on hold) your wants for a while. I wanted to be a mother, I was ready to enter that stage, it’s not for everyone, don’t feel pressured in either way.

Original poster
Ame123 · 15/12/2019 22:46

@Berrylove ahhh nice a music lover like me!
Thank you xx

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/12/2019 22:49

I mean this as gently as possible, but if you feel unable or unwilling to put your child first, you should terminate this pregnancy. A child should always come first, above everything else. Your life will change completely and forever if you become a mother. If you don't want that, don't have a baby, because they will be the one who truly suffers in all this. There is no shame nor nothing wrong in not wanting children.

Original poster
Ame123 · 15/12/2019 22:49

@treenamed he is in shock. He is a good guy.
We had a pregnancy that ended in me having abortion and he said that no matter what my decision he would support me. He then said to me a year later that he was so scared and he was glad I made that decision.
He then said that it made him realise that he is not ready for a child.
We are still together and still happy but I am scared when the shock ends he will not want to bother with me. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Ame123 · 15/12/2019 22:50

@Aquamarine1029 thank you for replying. I will take that on board xx

OP posts:
Mumtoaperfectbabyboy · 15/12/2019 22:52

Not quite the same but my baby was due on my birthday (big birthday) and I almost resented that. However when baby arrived a few days earlier and I spent said birthday sat at home looking down at his tiny face I didn't care I didn't have the big celebration I would have liked.

As you've said the band will come round again and it'll be even better because it'll be some quality time away from little one. Congratulations by the way 😊

Rosehip345 · 15/12/2019 22:57

Oh I totally get that feeling! It’s actually refreshing to hear someone else!

I’m currently 7mpnths pregnant. It has taken me up until now to actually feel pregnant or any particular connection. I bought a baby grow last week, mostly in the hope of making it feel real. And believe it or not I’m actually a bit excited to meet him now.

I did feel resentful that I’m missing things next summer that I was looking forward to, and boy have I missed mulled wine this Xmas, but it’ll all still be there in the future and although things do change, I just intend on doing everything planned when I’m not such a fatty (and it’ll be even better as our family will be complete!)

goingtoneedabiggercar · 15/12/2019 23:16

I don't like kids, at all, they scream and are sticky. I like my baby, it's early days but I'm quite the fan. I was due to go to a much awaited comedy show 5 days before my due date. My csection was scheduled for 2 days before, I managed to sell the tickets on at face value so I didn't lose a penny. When the date came round I forgot I was even supposed to be there.
That being said, not wanting children now (or ever) is completely valid. Whatever your decision. Maybe consider reaching out to some kind of counselling? So you can talk through your feelings.

whisper1991 · 15/12/2019 23:45

I still went to gigs while pregnant, and I'm lucky enough that my parents are willing to babysit my DD so I can still go to see my favourite band multiple time when they are touring! I don't think have children should stop you doing what you love to do, of course there are limits, and yes your life will completely change if you have this baby, but you should still take time for yourself! I went to Reading Festival at 5 months pregnant and went to another when I was 8 months (seated obviously) and I'm so bloody glad I did!

McHelenz · 16/12/2019 10:07

I am already planning when we can take baby to it's first festival! It's not about not being able to go it's just the experience will be different 😊

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