AIBU that I don’t want my sibling to know

[Katerinalouise]

sorry I’ve i’ve posted this in the wrong thread

This is my first pregnancy (I have my first scan tomorrow) when I told my parents that I am pregnant a few weeks back my mother was insisting that my sister knows - she actually even cried saying it’s cruel not to tell her.

The thing is I have absolutely nothing at all to do with her. She was horrendous with me as a child, then she turned to drugs, she’s stolen off my parents and had debt out in my name which she never paid me back. She’s said everything from wished me dead she hopes I kill myself ect. When I first met my husband in my mid 20s she made a point of saying that ‘I need to hurry up and have kids with him because she doesn’t believe in having children over the age of 30 due to risks of having a disabled child, and no one wants a disabled child’ - I am now 32.

My mother is saying I need to tell her because it’s unfair 🤨 my sister cares about me? She will want to see the baby? My mother can’t possibly not say anything because she’s her daughter? I’m been unfair because it will make my mother look bad?

The last time I actually seen my sister was my wedding a few years ago. She couldn’t make her mind up if she was coming or not, therefore cost me an additional £400 to have her, her partner and children added, She turned up and acted like an utter cow was rude and stayed for the meal then left, before leaving said weddings are pointless as everyone gets divorced anyways, then blocked me and my husband on Facebook later on that day.

I’m sick of having this constant battle with my mother over her, I really don’t know what else I can do.

You must be about 12 weeks if your first scan is tomorrow. I sympathise with you but once the information is out there there's nothing you can do to stop it being shared.

You can control your contact with your DS though. Go low or no contact if she's stressing you out. There's plenty of advice on here on the Relationships board. You might want to ask for this to be moved to there as I think this has more to do with your relationship with your DS than your pregnancy.

Good luck for your scan and wishing you a happy pregnancy.

Just let your mum tell her.. It won't make a difference if she knows if you don't want her to have a part of your child's life. Thing is she will eventually find out anyway so would it make much of a difference for your mum to tell her now or her to find out down the line?

I'd let your Mum tell her. It is putting your Mum in an awkward position otherwise, and she's going to find out eventually. Of course that doesn't mean that you have to have contact with your DS. That's a separate issue

Am I the only one who thinks your mum was out of order? It’s your pregnancy and you decide who you share your news with and when.
Esspecially given the bad relationship you have with your sister, she should have kept her mouth shut re telling your sister after you told her the first time you didn’t want to share it yet. Crying over it is emotionally blackmailing you - very nasty thing to do esspecially in the first stage of your pregnancy when women often are already very anxious. Urgh I can’t stand selfish people like that.

Op, congratulations on your pregnancy and it’s 100% ok to share your pregnancy when and how you want it with other people.

Tell your dm a shit dsis isn't going to morph into Aunt of the century and that frankly don't want her around any of you!
If dm can't respect your wishes to keep her nose out she ain't shaping up to be much of a dgm is she?

I would say to your mum you want her to wait until after the scan and you know everythings ok, then you'll make it public, so if your mum wants to tell your sister, she can.

Think of it like your mum telling her yoga class her dd is pregnant - doesn't matter to you.

^ absolutely agree with @WinterDays

It's is YOUR pregnancy and YOUR baby, and YOU decide who knows and when.

Of course, if you announce it on social media or anything, you can't expect to be able to keep it from anyone at that point.

Your sister will find out at some point, but if you decide she finds out when you go public instead of when you tell close family, that's absolutely up to you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.