Midwife help! :(

[hanadavis90]

Hey guys, i am looking for some impartial advice.

I am having the worlds worst pregnancy (i might be being slightly melodramatic but it certianly feels that way, to me!)

I have gallbladder problems that have been a thing since February this year. The pain is like nothing i can describe. On a bad day its enough to floor you. I have PGP and some weird spinal thing from a previous (13 years ago) csection spinal block being done in the wrong place AND morning sickness, STILL, at 25 weeks.
I have also had random bouts of bleeding.

Its all been pretty traumatic from the get go. This pregnancy wasnt a planned one. But due to concerns about an ectopic... here we are (turns out it wasnt an eptopic, just a very slow 'implant in the right place' baby).

All the way through i have struggled with the attitude that my health comes second to this babys. Especially from a pain threshold point of view.

Finally, at about 21 weeks, due to some bleeding, i saw a maternity triage doctor who listened to how miserible i am because of the pain i am in and she put me on cocodamol 30/500. And they worked! Literally, changed my life. I can be a parent to my other children and do my own school runs again. I dont cry myself hysterically to sleep every night. Proper game changer.

So you can imagine my utter dismay when at 25 weeks i am by the GP that they wont be pescribing me anything more of the sort post 30 weeks pregnant. What am i supposed to do at the point? Just miserably, painfully, exsist in the hope the baby is okay fot 10 weeks.... unable to do my school runs again, or anything really, for that matter :(

Its really been getting me down. The midwives i see dont seem to care a single bit if i am hurting or miserible, as long as the baby is okay. The added ominous threat of making sure it doesnt turn into pre natal depression is making it all worse, like when i try to explain how i feel i am now being judged for it :(

And to make it even worse again, at my last appointment yesterday (i went even though i felt like crap) i asked if the tape measure part was essential this week because my everything hurt, and she replied with a sigh and shes going to have to report me to safeguarding because im not acting in the best interests of the baby.
For one check, that isnt compulsary...

Im just so sick of it. My baby is a concern to me as well, but first and foremost, if i cant get through the day, what use is that to anyone?!

15 more weeks of this hell is a vile prospect. I wondered if there is anyone i could speak too within the nhs about how these two midwives make me feel, in particular. Yknow, i dont go out of my way to be difficult but i do expect to be listened too and respected when i explain that i am in pain amd would rather unnecessary procedures where skipped one week :/ its bothering me that there is no empathy, no sympathy, noone cares. And i really think they should :( and in the meantime i am stuck in a cycle of knowing the meds that have changed my life back around are being taken off me in the near future whilst none of my symptoms will change, so i am trying to not take them as often as possible to make them last longer, which means i hurt more now, which means physical examinations are extremely painful to me, and all the while noone seems overly bothered unless its to make me feel like crap or say something insinuating and ominous.

I cant change the midwife because its a community hub and theres no order for who sees who. Its a case of you see who is there and thats that. But the thought of other vulnerable woman being treated like this upsets me almost as much as me being treated like this :(

Any advice of how i can make this sh*tstorm any better? 😣

Wow. What an unnecessary thing to say. I had hyperemesis, gallbladder issues and back problems in my second pregnancy so I hear you. My GP and midwife were so kind to me and not only gave me the same dose of codeine that you’re on but also tramadol and naproxen. Genuinely changed my life. I had all of those drugs until I delivered. Complain about the midwife to whenever is next up in the chain and make an appointment to see your GP. Your mental health will suffer if you’re left in that kind of pain. No need to take you off of the drugs at all. Make a lot of noise. If you don’t feel capable of advocating for yourself get your partner to help. I’m seething on your behalf. Good luck.

Could you request to see some kind of specialist ? Or a supervising midwife. It’s not reasonable for you to be in such an amount of pain and can’t possibly be doing you or the baby any good. You could do yourself long term mental damage putting up with that.

Could you consider a private midwife or a doula for additional support? Some will be very skilled working in conjunction with the NHS
Also consider asking to meet with a maternity matron or director of midwifery to discuss your situation and experience so far

I am planning on typing up a letter to the lead modwife and explain how all this insensitivity is having a really negitive experiance on my pregnancy and mental health, in the hope itll get attended too becaude its really not okay :(

Ive also got in touch with a beautiful doula, who im meeting in january. But unfortunatly, a doula isnt the same as an nhs midwife. Having a doula would be classed as free birthing and if something did go wrong that would entirley be on my head, so their role in my labour would be to ensure my midwife behaved and emotional support to me, really.

Its all just such hard work :(

You don’t have to free birth. You can have a doula and still have a hospital birth or better still employ a private midwife who can support you through a hospital birth and will talk the same language as the NHS staff.
Where are you in the UK? Someone here may have useful contacts?

South wales, NP16.

a doula alone is close to a grand, im not sure how much more i could magic up in 3 months 😂 im already compromising a brand new pram for the doula.

I could ebay a child? Theyre housetrained.... some do chores 😂

You sound hugely unhappy with the care you have been offered, so likely to be money well spent. A second hand pram carries a baby just as well as a new one!
A midwife may not be as much as you think. What about Annie?www.annierobertson.co.uk/ I think she would be well work talking to at least. She will have good contacts local to you

Hi Op sorry you are having such a rubbish time.
I would ask for an appointment with your consultant, take someone with you for support and explain exactly what you have said here.
Women do sometimes have codeine based painkillers throughout their pregnancy for various reasons.
Occasionally babies are born and do have some withdrawal symptoms, but not always, this can be observed for and treated if necessary.
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

Oh dear it sounds like you're having a terrible time. Every trust should have a Professional Midwifery Advocate- this is a senior midwife who you can talk to about your care especially if you are unhappy with something, and part of her role should be advocating for you. I would start by finding out who this is in your trust and contacting her.