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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

I'm so confused by my feelings

9 replies

erised · 11/12/2019 14:31

I'm 30 years old, been married for a year (together for 8 years), we're both in full time employment and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Prior to getting pregnant, it's all I wanted. It consumed every day, thinking about babies and feeling empty inside whenever I saw a baby or small child. I wanted nothing more than to have a little family with my husband. I found out I was pregnant (unplanned) at 4 weeks, discussed with my husband and he said he didn't want a baby but would support whatever desision I made. After a week of discussion through the topic, we decided to keep baby as it meant too much to me. Husbands fears were the normal fears of what if we can't handle it? Will I be a good dad? Constant baby crying. Our lives will be dominated by this baby etc etc but we talked about it all and he's content with the idea now though naturally still scared.

This is where I'm so confused by how I'm feeling. The overall joy of having a baby had died down a lot. Now I'm feeling all of those doubts and fears of having a baby that my husband had. I'm thinking about how I'm going to manage work and a baby, how I'm going to afford childcare, the chaos that having a newborn brings, will I ever be able to leave the house, even thinking about schools this early on, worried about the stress it will add to our relationship and so many other things. I feel awful because I wanted this so badly that it hurt and now it's happening I'm so anxious about everything! Is this normal and will it pass?

OP posts:
nicciw87 · 11/12/2019 14:43

Completely normal. I'm 22 weeks with my 4th and it was planned yet I still get moments of shit what have I done? Then other times of I can't wait to meet them. Was the exact way with all my pregnancies. It is completely normal life will change but within a month of holding that newborn you won't be able to remember life before

Pippinsqueak · 11/12/2019 14:47

Completely normal, all those things are valid concerns and they will happen but at the end of it you will have the most amazing little life which will make it all the worth while, honestly.

PlinkPlink · 11/12/2019 15:09

Nicci is right.

Once you hold that baby and bond with him/her, that's it. Love. Just pure love.

You will be tired, yeah. But you'll still stay awake at 3am just to gaze at them.

It can put stress on a relationship, but talk. Just talk and be caring. You two are a team. Tackle the problems like a team and you'll be fine. Find some date nights here and there, or even a date hour or so.

Babies cry. Alot. But it's in-built that you to want to soothe them. You have all the tools you need. Your skin, your smell. Grab a wrap. Wear them all day long if necessary. They love to be close to you. You'll figure out what they like. Read up on the 4th trimester.

Ours had colic. But it passed by 4 months. We found some stuff that helped him.

Download the Wonder Weeks. Great app. Tells you all about their brain development and why they might get a bit grouchy around certain times.

You adapt. You learn. You laugh loads. You cry. But above all, you love like you've never loved before. Life will change but it will change in so many positive ways.

We all brick it. I had a panic at about 20 weeks (which was rather late -not much choice at that point 😂). But I wrote down my fears and then came up with solutions to each of them.

I'm 12 weeks with no.2. Still bricking it but I know that it gets easier because you adapt.

You will be absolutely fine, I promise.

WhatchaMean · 11/12/2019 15:18

It's actually good to have a little bit of anxiety... they're all very normal fears. Yes the first few months were damn hard and a shock, particularly to DH's system. He doubted his ability and didn't have much confidence, and struggled with the lack of sleep.

But as long as you're there for eachother, share the load, and communicate, you get through it and come out the other side even stronger with this amazing little human that you both cherish. Now he's an amazing Dad, and it's delighted that we have a 2nd on the way. It doesn't have to take over your life if you have support around you. We were just away at a wedding by ourselves (grandparents babysat), and we have nights out here and there with our friends too, either separately or together

LetsSplashMummy · 11/12/2019 15:44

It's normal, but it's also worth trying to rein it in. You will not be dealing with the newborn at the same time as deciding on a school, at the same time as figuring out childcare.... one step at a time.

Imagine starting university and worrying about what courses to take in your final year, where to live in first year, what to do after graduation... natural, but doesn't account for time or the way things fall into place.

Do you know people with children? Can you honestly say they were better prepared? Of course not, we're all making it up as we go along.

happymrsc · 11/12/2019 15:51

I think what you're describing is totally normal. I'm 21 weeks with a very much planned baby I still get occasional moments of apprehension or even total panic about what's to come. My husband definitely does too! I can't say it will pass because it might not but hopefully it's interspersed by excitement too!

peachgreen · 11/12/2019 15:54

It's normal. In my experience having a newborn was even worse than my worst fears. I didn't experience that love people talk about. I was thoroughgoing miserable and regretted ever having a baby. And even with that experience, I'm so glad I did it and I'd do it all over again because it was worth it to get my DD.

shutupsteph · 11/12/2019 16:41

Totally normal and it will pass.

When we found out we were having a baby it was three weeks after buying our first house, we'd loosely discussed what we'd do if we did fall pregnant and had a 'if it happens, it happens' mindset about it but when it did happen my OH was very honest and said it wasn't what he wanted at that time and we both had massive doubts but neither of us could think of a reason not to go through with it, so we decided to go for it and I quickly got over my initial fears whereas he didn't. After a few months that switched entirely and I found myself thinking 'we've made a mistake' 'it isn't the right time' 'i can't handle being a mum' but those thoughts went away. I'm 34 weeks now and so excited, we both are, and we're both happy to admit it might not be the 'ideal'
time to do it but we're so glad we decided to.

erised · 11/12/2019 18:46

Thank you all, this helped :)

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