Mum friends - NCT or bust?

[BabyMumzz]

I live in London and expecting my first baby. Husband works long hours and I'll be staying at home to look after the baby for the first while, without much family support. Lots of my friends have recently moved out of London so I really want to make new Mum friends.

I'm often told (and read on here) that NCT is THE place to go if you want to meet new friends. Why is this? And are there other classes which offer lasting friendships or is NCT just better at this for some reason?

I am having an ELCS for MH reasons and I understand that NCT are not very positive about c-sections and promote drug free birth plans etc - none of which is my cup of tea! I don't know if these are just rumours but it's what I read on here.

Would going to NCT, even if I don't fit with their approach, be a good idea so that I have the best chance to make friends and don't get lonely? Or could anyone advise about other groups / classes where they are more tolerant of other birth choices?

It really depends on the person running the session. The one running my group definitely advocated for less intervention, but none of the people in the group would have judged someone having intervention.

Some of the session might be a but pointless for you if you know you're having a c section. For example we did a lot about the progress of labour, different pain relief options, positions for birth and ways your partner can support you through labour. Certainly not "intolerant of birth choices" but aimed towards those planning to have a vaginal birth as that is more common.

Having said all that, I made some really great friends there and once the babies were born the birth plans etc. were never mentioned again, and you dont see the course leader again.

I think it just depends op. Certainly the people I met at NCT were not all massively pro natural birth at all costs. Nor did they become my best friends ever. They were nice enough to get on with for the first few weeks / months but we drifted apart as we went back to work. There are lots of pregnancy and baby classes in London but making friends is about luck as well as creating opportunity.

I’ve done two NCT antenatal courses (one was a refresher) and knew all along for both that I would be having a c section. Not only was I not judged but the course leader used a lovely video from the Positive Birth Company about a gentle c section that was really good to watch.

Several years on from my first course and we still meet up more than once a week, often now without children, and message all the time.

That sounds great @OrangeZog! Was it in London by any chance?

I did NCT in London in February and there was no pushing natural birth at all. The first session was on the different types of birth and how you must do what is right for you, including a c-section.

NCT just makes life easy because you have a readymade group of other women who want to be friends! Sure you can make friends at classes etc but at NCT you're all actively looking to be pals. I have made a true friend with one fellow mum in particular and she's worth every penny of the £350 I effectively paid for her!

No, but London commuter area.

Making friends through NCT is just luck. It's worth a try and if it works great and if it doesn't then it doesn't really matter.
I made some great long lasting friends through NCT. We were a mixed group from a variety of backgrounds.

I didn't do the classes I just met up
with the Mum group. There were some older mums there at first who hosted the group and who I think would give advice if needed.

There was no pressure to do anything. It was basically a way to meet up.

My nct class ‘up north’ have been nothing put positive information sharing. No pushiness at all. Lots of factual information and helpful advice. I’ve really enjoyed them and the group is Lovely.

Did the everyone who graduated from NCT do NHS classes too? If not, why did you choose NCT? Do they teach different things?

I didn't have any anti natal classes, but when we moved I joined the local NCT group (18 years ago). It was brilliant to make new friends as new mums, and although we have drifted apart somewhat, I will grab the odd coffee with some.

I’m also up north and my NCT class was very none judgemental nor pushy at all. We discussed all the labour possibilities & both breast & formula feeding. Yes, there was more focus on natural birth in the sense it was almost a biology lesson of what happens but no pushing you must do it this way. Similarly with feeding. NCT are very pro breastfeeding, I think that’s well known but when I took my baby to see the next class our leader was taking, she was very supportive of me formula feeding!

I met wonderful friends. It’s pot luck. One drifted away from us but the remaining five of us still meet up regularly 2.5 years later. But it wasn’t the only way I made friends. I went along to a baby massage class with said NCT friends (which was nice as I’m a bit shy) & we ended up going for lunch every week with 6 other mums. We have a WhatsApp group of 13 of us who regularly catch up & we have annual Christmas parties & birthday parties for the kids!

There wasn’t any local antenatal classes in my area.. but I imagine they teach you much the same stuff. To be honest, I already knew a lot of the things taught but I did it to meet mums & get my other half involved!

I did NCT in London 2 years ago. 6 mums and 5 of us are still close although we tend to meet in individual groups/ 1:1 now. I have just moved house and will 100% do NCT again this time around. I am having an elcs too so know most of it won’t be relevant - I am going to meet friends. The only pushy bit of our classes was the session on BF and tbh it bonded us all in our hatred of the teacher.

I had an ELCS same as you're planning and attended NCT classes. Not London. Nobody judged and we actually mocked up a hospital theatre for both types of birth so I could see how many people would likely be in the room with me.

DD has just turned 6 and 5 out of 7 of us went out last Friday eve. We don't collectively have masses in common outside of the kids but we've all supported each other a lot and a couple of the group are best friends now. Worth doing in my experience.

I just did the NHS ante and post natal class. Afterwards we met up once a week. They were situational friends- doubt we would have kept up if we didn't have same aged kids. Even though we were all attached to the same health clinic the kids all ended up at different schools so I drifted away from the group but a few remained good friends.

Does the NCT still run "early days" classes as well as ante natal? I chose not to sign up for ante natal classes but did the early days course instead. DD was 9 weeks by the time the course started and I wondered whether I would find it useful but it was fabulous. Lots of tips from the course leader but the best thing about it was the friends I made through the shared experience of going through the same thing at the same time. 10 years on and one of my best friends was someone I met on the course - seeing her tomorrow for

I met a lot of people through NCT... didn't stay friends with the majority of them as the kids got older-but some stuck. It was great when the babies were tiny though.