Pregnant in a toxic situation

[kay019]

Just want some advice from anyone who has been in similar situation or just wants to share their opinion as no one close to me knows what i'm currently going through.
So i'm 30 weeks pregnant. I am not with the baby's dad tried that didn't work out. He has not offered any help any emotional support or anything/ Never attended an appointment or asked how pregnancy is going. However, this individual feels like they can still have a casual relationship with me as though nothing has happened. They have moved on into another relationship and is living as a happily blended family. We live close to each other so there is not excuses as to why he has not been there. I want to cut this person off out of my life completely, as I have always welcomed a co-parenting situation. But I don't wan't to regret cutting all forms of contact when my child gets older and starts asking questions. I know i'm not wrong for feeling this way but there is so much more to this story that I've left out.
How do I go about this.

@kay019 so sorry you are having to go through this, the baby father doesn't sound like he is interested or bothered about the pregnancy which is very sad. I strongly feel for your health and well being moving forward you need to cut him out your life and make it clear how you feel. Co parenting is very important for the child but not if the other parent isn't interested, you and your child deserve to be loved and looked after by someone who truly cares. I know there must be a lot more to the story but your main priority should be the well being of your lard and your baby, emotionally and physically. I hope you have family and friends that you can be around for support. Sending lots of hugs your way

Hi kay019. I went through I similar situation. But I was married and had 2 under 5 and, was 8mths pregnant with our 3rd. I found out he was cheating on me just as we were also moving to a new home. Well I could kwrite a book on all what went down. The pain n trauma I went through . He stayed with her but still wanted me on the, side. But really didn't give a toss about me or anyone but himself. I went through total hell. My body n brain was shot. I was raising 2 under 5 and a newborn. Yes he would take them out and buy them things.
For me I made the decision to allow him access to see his kids. He did want to see them also. And I was never going to be like some who used there kids as weapons.

I wanted my kids to know there dad. And not turn around in years to come and say why didn't you let us see our dad.
It's a very personal choice I know. As long as my kids we're safe he stuck to the times and payed for his children then that's all that mattered to me. It was, about the children not me. I'm glad I didn't have to fight with him to get him to see them. That would have broken my heart.
It all turned out great in the end. I could not fault the man. He was and still is the best farther in the world. I hope you can sort out things for you and little one. And make the right decisions for you and the baby. Hope this may have helped you. Things do change as the years pass that's for sure. But try to enjoy your beautiful child I lost a lot of the 1st two years due to stress n trauma of loosing my marriage home and sleep. Take care 👍

Thank you soo much @salina2 and @wendallburger.

Has he actually said he wants to be in the child's life? In my experience there is a world of difference between someone who doesn't want a relationship with their child and soneone who does. I learned the hard way that you can never force someone to be in your child's life and its more damaging to the child to do that. I was in an extremely rocky, on/off relationship with my sons father for years until we eventually broke up when son was 4. He didn't maintain regular contact and, at 10 years old, no now longer sees him through choice, because his dad doesn't know who he is, what his interests are etc. I think I tried so hard with his dad and stayed through a lot of shit I should never have put up with because I knew deep down if we broke up, he wouldn't continue his relationship with our son. And it took me a LONG time to realise that this isn't my fault. He doesn't have a relationship with his son because he made the choice not to. It was nothing to do with me and I've finally learned to not blame myself for that.

I'm pregnant now again with my fiance and I can tell you, that even if we split up, if I moved away 100 miles, nothing would stop this man being in this child's life. Because, again, that's HIS choice.

Ultimately, whether he will be involved is up to him. You can leave the door open for him, maybe in a few years he'll grow up and become a decent person. You need to go easy on yourself and understand that whatever he chooses to do, won't stop you raising a wonderful child. Having been a single parent for several years, but 10 year old son in my proudest achievement in life. I did well, and I did it alone.

I will leave you with a last piece of advice which I wish someone had given me 10 years ago... Please look into what the consequences are if you decide to put him on the birth certificate. Not many people realise how much power absent parents have once their name is on it. And it's nigh impossible to remove them but you can always add them at a later date. It will seem ages in the future but for example, my sons birth father could pop up tomorrow and contest the secondary school I've chosen for him, despite mow longer being in his life, all because his name is on that bit of paper.

Good lucks and trust your instincts xx