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Original poster

Am I being Selfish?

12 replies

AH16 · 09/12/2019 08:09

Hello

I'm due in June and already have a daughter who is 3. When I had my daughter, I was in labour for a very long time and wanted rest after, unfortunately I had everyone visiting when I asked them not too but I was so tired to even respond to them. I have asked that it will only be my husband with me when I have my next baby and that i have at least 3 days without telling people I've had the baby so my daughter can bond with the baby and have time as a family. What do people think? I don't want to tell anyone in my family due to my wishes not being listened to last time.

Thanks

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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LH1987 · 09/12/2019 08:30

Sounds fine to me, I would tell them when the baby is born though and let them know it'll be about three days. I know my mother would be livid if she wasnt informed. Also they might be worried and it would put their mind at rest.

Delbelleber · 09/12/2019 09:41

That sounds lovely. I'm also worried about the visitors. I was totally out of it after I had my 2nd. This time the baby is with a different dad and he is so excited he wants to have a party. I'm like whoa there NO.

Comps83 · 09/12/2019 09:58

DH and I had this fight the other day. I said I don’t want anyone else at the hospital and they can wait a few days when we get home . He said it’s not all about me, well actually yes it is. Up until I leave the hospital at least. I will hit the roof if any of his family turn up.
You need to to do what’s best for you and the baby and anyone else can just have the manners to wait a little while.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/12/2019 10:00

Tell them you’re due a week after you are and don’t let them know you’ve had the baby till you’re home and comfortable. You’re not being selfish, it’s your family!

Comps83 · 09/12/2019 10:05

Oh and get this this... DH wants to take photos throughout the labour hahaha . I will shove that phone so far up his arse he will need help delivering it.

ThinkPink71 · 09/12/2019 11:00

Not being selfish at all. I am having the same thoughts about putting visitors off for a while (just until I am home & slightly rested). I know I can be a grouchy cow when tired. :)

Boymummy3 · 09/12/2019 13:26

Just be completely blunt with them. Tell them that last time you asked they didn't show up and they did anyway and you was knackered. You want it to be just you dh and your daughter for a few days so you will let them know when they can visit. I wouldnt not tell them when you have had the baby. I'm presuming someone is having your daughter for you when you have this baby so that person would need to know anyway

Original poster
AH16 · 18/12/2019 12:28

@LH1987
@Delbelleber
@Comps83
@AnneLovesGilbert
@ThinkPink71
@Boymummy3

Thank you all for your replies.
Are some of you due? Or have already had your children?

OP posts:
paperplant · 18/12/2019 17:25

I had my daughter after a three-day stay in hospital and fairly long-ish labour. We didn't have any visitors immediately (as no family nearby) and I was glad.
I'm not sure I would've been able to keep it a secret (giving birth) but no one has a right to visit you. Although you may like having visitors who entertain your 3-year old?

@Comp83 my DH hardly took any pictures during labour, I wish he had. Even a video, as unflattering as it may be (not of my bits obv, just of the situation - I was super tired, on gas&air and have forgotten a lot of it already. He did take a picture of the room as we were leaving, and that was kind of nice!)
We have a few photos of DD just after birth, on my chest, being weighed and then all wrapped up (maybe 15ish and a short video), but wish we had a lot more!

LOALM · 18/12/2019 17:31

Don't think you're being selfish at all but also understand how family can be miffed by this. Can you find a compromise? We allowed immediate family to visit when DS was born but only for very brief periods, and then we locked ourselves away for three days. We had the odd person who assumed we didn't mean them when we said 'no visitors' but soon put them straight - and chained the door so they couldn't let themselves in either!

MrsEG · 18/12/2019 17:51

This isn’t selfish at all and I’ve had this conversation a few times! I think the issue is our parents come from the ‘it takes a village’ generation where there would be an open door and visitors whenever they felt like it, but things have changed!! My mother is incredibly overbearing and it’s been challenging managing her expectations with my pregnancy (I’m due end of Jan with twins). But I’ve basically just made it clear we’ll have no visitors at the hospital and we’ll let everyone know when we’re ready for them when we get home. She was horrified by it at first but it isn’t up to her at the end of the day! I’m thinking a day or two at home before immediate family come over, just to let the dust settle a bit. Stick to your guns!

ThinkPink71 · 18/12/2019 21:15

@AH16

Due in May :) Fingers crossed everything will be smooth as my ideal situ would be to wait until I'm home and half rested (haha) x

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