I don't know what to do

[0812x]

I feel absolutely horrible and I just need some advice

Planned pregnancy back in May got pregnant straight away, had a miscarriage at 3 months in the summer. I was absolutely devastated, went into quite a bad depression and felt like I couldn't function. I was so angry at anyone that was pregnant, I cried whenever I saw a baby, I was just desperate to try again.

Fast forward to now, I'm 7 weeks pregnant after just 2 cycles of trying - it's all I ever wanted. But now I just feel completely numb, like I'm making a huge mistake and I've even thought about an abortion.

I feel like a terrible terrible person because I wanted this?! It's all I wanted, and now I just don't feel any happy emotion towards the pregnancy.

I don't know whether it's just me protecting myself so I don't feel heartbroken if I do have another miscarriage, I just don't know. I don't even know why I'm posting this, I guess just seeing if anyone else has been through this? 😔

Hi op so sorry for your loss, I haven’t been through this but didn’t want to read and run.

I am not surprised you are feeling this way you are grieving your baby, it must be hard to feel able to celebrate your new baby , feel confident that all is going to go well or Even as you say feel much at all.

I do hope someone pops by with wise words soon.

I've heard of others who have felt as you do when pregnant, after previously losing a baby. What generally happens is when the pregnancy is established, feelings change, at that stage you'll be more confident and contented. When the baby moves you'll be delighted! It's early days though at seven weeks so you're trying to protect yourself. Very understandable considering how devastating it was when you had your miscarriage.

You know that a lot of people miscarry and then go on to have children, there's no reason to suppose you won't be one of them.

Good luck and congratulations.

It is ok to be happy though it’s not a betrayal ( that may seem like a random line but was just thinking about if it was me of course I haven’t a clue and I am probably getting it all wrong I really wish you all the best )

I have an early scan on Wednesday so I'm hoping if there is a heartbeat I can feel abit more relaxed, it's just an agonising wait!

I had a friend in a similar situation. With her there were years of not getting pregnant in between the miscarriage and the viable pregnancy. She realised that she didn't want to be pregnant and had an abortion and her sh had a vasectomy.

It can happen.

I had a miscarriage and felt nothing but relief after several wanted pregnancies. You wouldn't be wrong to change your mind. I'd wait a bit and see how you feel though.

Hormones and fear. Totally normal. Hugs and good luck xx

Hello there. I can hugely recommend some counselling to chat through your feelings? Usually most hospitals will have a counsellor attached to their early pregnancy unit or miscarriage department? I can also really recommend the miscarriage association ❤️ I understand how you feel. I had three miscarriages and I was incredibly anxious all the way through my daughter’s pregnancy. Different feelings I know but they all manifest differently in us all.

I feel the same way though have not had a miscarriage. Wanted a baby so badly, it made my heart ache whenever I saw one or I looked after my nieces and nephew. Never felt pain like it before. Got pregnant and the happiness was fleating. I've been overcome with anxiety and fear of the reality of the situation. I'm also scared of being happy and excited incase I lose it so it's a really confusing situation to be in. I'm hoping this passes after my first couple of scans.

I had similar, with similar dates to you (miscarried at 12 weeks in June, now 6 weeks). I'm just feeling numb tbh. I'm not drinking or having too much caffeine, but other than that I'm pretty much pretending it's not happening. It's self preservation I think. I don't want to invest too much emotionally in case it happens again.

I'm so glad others feel the same ❤️ my boyfriend is amazing but I feel like he can never fully understand!

Hey...

It sounds like you've been through a crappy ordeal and may be scared about going through it again. Sometimes we think negatively to try and prepare for the worst. I think you should take each day as it comes, as hard as that sounds, and just not think about what's ahead of you. Maybe that'll help you deal with your feelings day to day. I do think you'll soon become much more positive about your baby and feel happier about being pregnant once you get past the first trimester.

Sending love!

I had a missed mc earlier this year too, found out it was non viable at 8 weeks, passed at 12 weeks. I tried to block it out really as a way of coping but did find it helpful chatting to my sister about it, even if she wasnt sure what to say. Anyway I hot pregnant again 3 months later and that fresh optimism I had the first time round had disappeared. I had scans every 2.5 weeks from 7 weeks on as I was so paranoid. I'm currently 5 months and still almost waiting for something to go wrong. I quite often think that maybe successful pregnancies only happen to other people. I know its just my anxiety about it that makes me feel like that as I shouldn't have a reason to worry atm.
If/ once you see the heartbeat at 7 weeks I'm sure you'll allow yourself to hope a bit more. Try to enjoy your pregnancy and appreciate the miracle that it really is, even if its tainted slightly. Good luck x

Your feelings sound pretty normal... I had a stillbirth at 35 weeks in 2016 and the fell again about 8 months later. I spent the entire pregnancy terrified that I would lose her but our rainbow appeared in March 2018. I fell again this year but MC at 6+7 which was really sad and at 42 I’m terrified as I don’t feel done but worry my body won’t go through it again. Do be honest with yourself though, it could be that you genuinely don’t want this; give yourself some time and space to be open about things. Pregnancy after loss is not a smooth road, but the odds are on your side. Sending you gentle good wishes.xx

Hi OP I had a miscarriage in 2015 and took it really hard, it was this year before we felt able to think about it again. I became excited about the prospect of my DS when they sat him on my chest in theatre and not a second before. I have no doubt that my mind was protecting itself because I spent most of my pregnancy convinced it would happen again. Everyone is different but for me I didn't get excited or really bond before birth.

Thankyou everyone ❤️ my boyfriend proposed today which has made me feel so much happier overall, I think once I get this scan done on Wednesday I'll allow myself to start thinking about it!

Hi I’m also 7 weeks and feel nothing for this baby and i have even looked up abortions (I would never do that tho) but I just feel like rubbish with this why and I don’t know why