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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Keep or Abort

21 replies

manc3941 · 02/12/2019 23:31

My partner and I found out we were expecting a baby last night.

We have not been together too long however we are in two minds as to continue with the pregnancy or not. Thinking logically we both see sense in terminating the pregnancy early on. She has some financial difficulties and I simply don’t feel ‘ready’ to be a dad and make such a commitment.

However she was told a few years ago that she was infertile so this has come as somewhat of a miracle to her.

We have an appointment to discuss options with a doctor this Friday but we would ideally like to go there with something in mind.

Any advice?

OP posts:

Lotus90 · 02/12/2019 23:33

Are you sure she was told that?

notangelinajolie · 02/12/2019 23:34

How old are you both? Do either of you have children already?

Whoops75 · 02/12/2019 23:36

However she was told a few years ago that she was infertile so this has come as somewhat of a miracle to her

^ did you use this information as contraception ??

momoney1 · 02/12/2019 23:39

Hi op.
I've been going through similar recently.
I don't think there is any good advice to be honest.
How long have you been together? Do you see a future together? Would she keep the baby if you split?

Lots of couples get pregnant quickly, keep the baby and are happy. Some split and co parent. Others choose to abort and go on to have children later down the line. Or not.

There is no right or wrong.

It's a very hard decision.
I once read that the best way to deal with big decisions is just to make one - and then commit to it. Commit and then go with it, rather than continually question that decision, which is often tortuous.

Good luck.

Original poster

manc3941 · 02/12/2019 23:41

@notangelinajolie we are 26 and 32 with me being the younger. Neither of us have kids, she said she’d tried in the past but nothing came from it.

OP posts:

notangelinajolie · 02/12/2019 23:42

You say partner, I'm presuming you live together. Or are you bf and gf and live seperately?

Original poster

manc3941 · 02/12/2019 23:43

@Lotus90 I have no reason not to believe her and she has taken contraception whilst have been together even so

OP posts:

gamerchick · 02/12/2019 23:44

Did you take her word for it that she was infertile and not bother with condoms OP?

Original poster

manc3941 · 02/12/2019 23:46

@notangelinajolie we technically live apart however her office and mine are within 5 mins walk (in different directions) of my flat so we spend most the time here.

OP posts:

momoney1 · 02/12/2019 23:47

Does it really matter whether the op's partner was on contraception, whether he used it or what? They are where they are.

I'm sure OP is capable of thinking for himself about whether he has been 'tricked' into getting his girlfriend pregnant.

Op - you can state an opinion - and it's ok to say 'i don't want to be a dad yet, and I'd rather you terminated' - but ultimately it's up to her. Which I'm sure you understand. But it IS ok to be honest with her about how you feel.

Lotus90 · 02/12/2019 23:48

I think it's a bit suspect that she's claiming to have been told she's infertile AND that she's been using contraception but still has managed to get pregnant. Do you realise how unlikely that scenario is OP?

Original poster

manc3941 · 02/12/2019 23:48

@gamerchick we use condoms and she has been taking the pill. We had unprotected (without a condom) twice a few weeks ago however she did take the pill.

OP posts:

BadMomma81 · 02/12/2019 23:49

She's 32, has been told she might be able to conceive and isn't in a long term stable relationship. If she was my friend, I'd be thinking of how long it might be til she is, with a guy who wants kids, and if that will be too late for her. I'd def suggests she considers thst before she goes for an abortion if kids is something she wanted long term.
Your opinion would oy be a peripheral consideration, sorry

Salvationiseasy · 02/12/2019 23:53

I would keep it, always keep it. The feelings that come with aborting a baby can haunt you for a long time afterwards, people dont regret having the baby. You can make it work, baby’s don’t need much, just the love of their parents, there’s never a right time to have a baby really, you just plan around them accordingly. I’m sure you’ll both do great if you keep the baby.

Original poster

manc3941 · 02/12/2019 23:54

@momoney1 I fully get it’s her decision and I’ve told her that. She’s said she’ll abort it if it is what is best. The thing I was more looking for from is how to know if it is for the best. She wants a kid and feels she is ready, but she accepts it is fairly early for us so she would be willing to terminate. I would like one too however I always thought of it being in a few years not, well... Now. Likewise I’m not going to run away from it as I’ve had my part to play in us being in this position obviously.

OP posts:

Bluerussian · 02/12/2019 23:57

If she genuinely thought she was infertile or had low fertility, in her position I would not abort. It may not be the ideal time to have a baby but she may not conceive again.

She will manage and so will you, I'm sure you'll at the very least help out.
You're not the first and won't be the last.

momoney1 · 03/12/2019 00:00

I don't think there's ever a 'perfect' time to have children. But some times are better than others. Unlike someone upthread, I don't agree babies just need a bit of love. Children need parenting, a home, food on the table, stability. And where I am more than a thousand pounds a month for childcare for the first few years if you both work full time.

I really feel for you. I do wonder though if you'd already know if you both wanted to keep it

notangelinajolie · 03/12/2019 00:00

It is good that you are both talking about this.

I think, there is never a right time to have a baby but once they arrive you will find it hard to imagine how life was without them. Good luck to you both and congratulations if you decide to become parents.

alexdgr8 · 03/12/2019 00:02

Keep the baby.
good luck.

PixieN · 03/12/2019 08:14

Personally, I think she’ll regret it if she aborts, especially if this turns out to be her only chance of having a pregnancy and baby. She can’t take it for granted that she will become pregnant again at a later date unfortunately. I know somebody in this predicament - she terminated a pregnancy as she wasn’t ready, but has been unable to fall pregnant again since. Lots of people struggle with fertility issues. It’s taken me & my partner 3 years of trying and one round of Ivf. I think you need lots more discussion about this - discuss all possible outcomes before making a final decision.

Janaih · 03/12/2019 08:22

She wants a baby and feels ready. Theres your answer.

A termination doesn't automatically mean a lifetime of regret though. Many women just feel relief. She would probably benefit from professional support to help her decide.

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