First pregnancy - my parents

[JC18]

I'm 36 and 9 weeks pregnant. My husband doesn't have family so there's just my parents and younger brother. I'll be 12 weeks pregnant on Christmas day and planning on telling my folks then. But I recently overheard my parents giving out about not being grandparents yet. My younger brother said "ah there's still time, you never know" to which they responded "We're too old to be grandparents now". They're 60 and 61. And this comment has gotten under my skin incredibly. I am absolutely baffled as to what bearing they think THEIR age has on whether or when any of their children decide to reproduce. And this attitude isn't even surprising because they are never done giving out about whatever they can and being martyrs. I've had a hard time coming to terms with my pregnancy but thinking of telling my parents, I'd started to feel excited. I just feel like that attitude has put a dampener on things. Am I just being over sensitive? Just a side note, my Dad once commented that 35 was too old for a woman to start having kids. Ugh.

Ahhh just tell em! Mine had written off ever being grandparents and told me so, I think it was a security issue on their part :) write it off and if it does happen then great :) they became grandparents last year at 64 and can regularly be seen crawling all over the floor and on the soft play slides :) good luck they will be proud as punch I'm sure xx

I think it’s a generational thing- they had you in their twenties so their parents were probably in their 50s?

My dad thinks it’s weird people are having babies in late 30s/40s I tell him he is weird and times have changed! It’s definitely generational.

My dad was telling people at a family party he wasn't ready to be a grandparent one week before i found out i was pregnant. It didn't stop him welling up with joy when i told him and i can count on the fingers of one hand how often i've seen that in my lifetime.
Don't overthink it.

Your parents are utterly ridiculous. Ignore and enjoy your baby.

I'm 36 and pregnant with my first! My 74 and 76 year old parents were over the moon and can't wait to be Grandparents to this little one! No such thing as 'too old'. Enjoy and don't let it bother you 😊😊

Where on earth is 60’s too old to be grandparents?!

What?!

My parents are either side of 60 by a whisker and hardly any of their peers from uni are grandparents yet. They are some of the only ones (they had my sisters and I in their early 30s).

The majority of the parents of the girls at my school were about my parents' age, and at now not far off 30, less than 10% of my year have had babies, so the great majority of my friends' parents are 60-odd with no grandchildren yet.

I know that's not the case everywhere but jeez, 60 is most definitely not even close to even being old for a grandparent, never mind "too" old.

Also, the generational shifts have really not been THAT great. The peak year for fertility rate in women over 40 was in the 1940s. That 1940s peak has yet to be equalled, even today.

I think they are just protecting themselves & you to a point. I’d suspect they have long hoped to be Grandparents but perhaps think you have had problems conceiving or don’t children, so are making an excuse to spare their feelings & any issues you may be facing.

My parents became Grandparents at 59 & 63.. a fair chunk of their friends are yet to become Grandparents. People are having children much later these days. It’s normal.

Try to brush of the off hand comment. I doubt they meant any harm. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled & so excited for you

My parents were in their late 70s when I made them grandparents. I'm nearing 60 and my own kids are still in school!

My Dad “wasn’t old enough” to be a grandad (he was 59, older than both my grandads were when I was born).

Tbh he’s not shown much interest since...

It's not up to your parents when you have kids. Just tell them and I'm sure they'll be delighted!

My parents were 36 and 38 when they became Grandparents - if anything they are less involved than if they were older as they still have busy lives running around after my siblings and working!

My mum moaned I made her a grandma too early! She was 48 when DD1 came along. So you can't win. But I agree it's a generation thing. People used to get married young and have kids young. I was 23 with my first and 27 with my second, but not all women are ready for kids at that age - I certainly can't imagine my girls having children at 23 as I'm hopeful they'll be fresh out of uni and enjoying life. But who knows, maybe I'll be a "young" gran?

My Mum made out that she wouldn’t be one of those hands on grandparents, giving up her time to babysit etc, DD is four and my Mum is the complete opposite, she loves spending time with DD and is a doting Nana. Maybe they just said it assuming they wouldn’t be grandparents and trying to make out they’re ok with it

I sympathise. My mum has been far more annoying since I told her I'm pregnant. She's very happy for us but everything she says drives me nuts. I think it's 90% her being annoying and 10% hormones making me less tolerant

That's really weird. My parents were 67 and 63 when they became GPs. DH's were 70 and 63. None of them seemed then or now to be old at all and definitely not older than average.

Admittedly my mum was 31 and 34 when she had her children which was more unusual in 1979 and 1982 so maybe that gives her a bit of a different perspective

Meh... I'm aged 35 havin my 1st and only baby.. My parents are 64 and 71

I imagine the remark from your parents was lighthearted, JC18. They're probably delighted but just don't want to appear OTT.

My in-laws are 70+ and we are expecting our first. We struggled with fertility for a long time and they didn't show much interest - even made a few clumsy remarks along the lines that 'we shouldn't try to become parents for their sake'. I think they were just trying to ease pressure on us and also convince themselves that it didn't matter that much (DH's older brother is divorced and not really a family type). However, once we did get pregnant and pregnancy progressed - they went from cautiously supportive to outright excited.

I agree with some pp that I really don't think they have meant it in a Horrible way and probally just saying it as a passing comment. They will be probally thrilled once you tell them.

My mum often moaned because she's got 10 grandkids brother has 3kids sister has 3 kids &2 step kids and I have 2... How often she would say to people oh 10 is enough blah. Blah blah but then say to me when you going to have another one 🙄 they are over the moon that I'm having my 3rd which will be their 11th grandchild sometimes people just say things as passing comments and don't really realise how it may upset another person but I personally wouldn't take it to heart x

I wouldn’t announce it on Xmas day, particularly since their reaction is likely to be annoying or hurtful. Would tell them beforehand or afterwards.

By phone!

Thanks everyone for the advice and support. I really appreciate it.