Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Telling family, this early, are we crazy?!

32 replies

LEBW · 01/12/2019 08:37

Hi,
Just looking for a bit of guidance. Got my BFP last night, I'm only 10 dpo (AF not due till Thursday) but I had strong symptoms/have zero patience.

Told a very pissed DH when he came home and spent night chatting and he said let's tell our families tomorrow (so today!).

Is that silly? If anything negative, god forbid, did happen I'd tell them all anyway we are both really close with our families and they wouldn't gossip. Just wondering if people think it's silly?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ivykaty44 · 01/12/2019 08:40

It’s early days, I’d wait until at least 6/7 weeks to tell family and then 12/13 weeks to tell others. There are often reasons to just wait a little while

But everyone is different

DrPimplePopper · 01/12/2019 08:40

I told my mum and a few close friends I worked with early on with my first (14dpo) but only as they knew we were trying and had kind of been supporting me through everything. I'd be reluctant to tell wider family though just as I'm not close to them. I think it's up to you really and how comfortable you are with everyone knowing your business.

preggersteach · 01/12/2019 08:40

Not at all. Weve told parents the week we found out I was pg. If anything happened we'd want them to know anyway but its totally up to the both of you do make sure you're comfortable with it

SparkleUK · 01/12/2019 08:42

I didn't tell them for a little while but that was personal choice, we wanted to get nearer to a 'safe' point as no one knew we'd be trying.
Completely up to you and what you feel happy with though

PrincessFabian · 01/12/2019 08:48

We told our immediate family (parents and siblings) as soon as we found out, we are close and didn't see any reason to keep it a secret as if anything bad happened we would tell them about it and want to discuss it.
SIL had a missed miscarriage and the family all knew about it so we were able to be sensitive/supportive at this time.
I have never really understood why people keep pregnancy a secret from close family but everyone is different and it's your decision.

MuchTooTired · 01/12/2019 08:49

If you’d tell your family if god forbid, the worst happened anyway, then no, I don’t think it’s silly at all to tell whoever you want to!

My DTs are ivf babies, and I tested the day before my blood test whilst my dh was on nights. I wanted to be prepared and have time to process alone for what I feared would be a negative, and ended up going to my parents house to get a second line eye opinion because I thought I was going mad when I got a positive! I did keep it from social media/anyone who hadn’t known I’d had ivf, but my immediate family knew every blood result, saw every early scan etc.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

MindyStClaire · 01/12/2019 08:57

No right answer here, only what's right for you. We've done differently on three different pregnancies as circumstances slightly different for each.

Sparkle0109 · 01/12/2019 09:02

Not at all, we told our families the day we found out. Our first pregnancy we miscarried a few months before and they were very supportive, so they knew we would be trying again anyway but still I wouldn't of hesitated in telling them again

IfWishesWereFishes · 01/12/2019 09:04

My mum bought my test, we told our families the day we found out. I could never keep something like that from them, and I'd have needed them if anything were to go wrong.

Winterdaysarehere · 01/12/2019 09:05

Imo untelling if it goes wrong gives you more people's feelings to deal with than is necessary. And untelling a dc is absolutely awful.

Ceara · 01/12/2019 09:09

It's totally up to you. If you would tell them if the worst happened and lean on their support, I would be inclined to share the joy now too. Today, you are pregnant.

The only hesitation I'd have is if you wouldn't want the news more widely known, or the pain of having to "un-tell" wider friends/acquaintances if the worst happened, and any of your family are blabbermouths who wouldn't keep the news within the immediate family until you're ready to share it wider.

I might have an odd perspective on it though, as I had IVF and waited for my day 14 blood test at the clinic as I couldn't face the pee on a stick test by that point on the longish road we'd been down. So the entire clinic staff knew I was pregnant before they phoned me with the results - and DH and I both ended up telling our line managers at work, because they knew we'd been for the blood test appointment that morning, before we'd even told our parents! More seriously, I had spotting and bleeding throughout the first and much of the second trimester and I did end up telling quite a few people on a "need to know" basis that I was pregnant but that the pregnancy was precarious. I found the support I received generally very sensitive and helpful at an anxious time and wouldn't have been without it.

Laurapb88 · 01/12/2019 09:10

I'm having an ivf baby too and tested early only 6 days after transfer a few people and family knew we were going through ivf and I looked pregnant from the beginning because of bloating and massive overies and couldn't lie when they asked haha it was better that way for me tell them when your ready x

Letthemysterybe · 01/12/2019 09:14

Absolutely totally up to you. I didn’t tell until 12 weeks, quite late really, but 9 months is such a loooooooooong time to
Be pregnant. It was nice having some of that time where nobody apart from me and Dh knew.

Ceara · 01/12/2019 09:17

Just to add, that was my second IVF pregnancy (and the one that made it). I lost my first IVF pregnancy very very early on. Those who'd known about the IVF ie close family and line managers at work, knew about that one in real time too. Some people do struggle to know how to say/do the right things following a loss, but on balance the support outweighed one or two crass remarks. The risk of crass remarks and the hurtful conversations are why you need to think about telling others, though. You know your family best. (I wouldn't tell young children until much later.)

Aneley · 01/12/2019 09:18

We told just our immediate family about a week after we found out (around 6w). The reason was that we struggled with infertility for 6y and had multiple miscarriages and needed them to know in case it goes wrong so that we can get their understanding if we suddenly go quiet or need more space to deal with it. They were really supportive - no one pestered us, no one asked too many questions - they just patiently waited for updates and as the pregnancy progressed they got more and more visibly excited. We don't regret telling them - this way we had our support network without any pressures.

happymrsc · 01/12/2019 09:20

I don't believe in the whole waiting till 12 weeks to tell anyone as if something had of happened I'd have wanted support from my family and close friends.... however, that is very early to be telling a large amount of people IMO, I'd be worried in case it was a chemical pregnancy so I agree with others I'd wait at least a couple more weeks and even then only tell people you'd be comfortable being a support if the worst were to happen

lettersbyowl · 01/12/2019 09:25

I wish we hadn't told family until much later (told them at 6 weeks), because it took me so long to get my own head around things. I was so anxious something would go wrong that I actually couldn't handle family being excited and talking about what to buy, names, checking every day to see if I had a bump yet etc. It was all they wanted to talk about it. I found it a lot of pressure when in my mind I was just counting down until 12 weeks for the scan. I am not naturally pessimistic so this was a surprise response for me!

Em2122 · 01/12/2019 09:27

Chemical pregnancies are very common so is wait until you get very strong positive on a test rather than just a faint one.

Her0utdoors · 01/12/2019 09:34

Totally up to you, of course. I didn't test until the day of my period, I wouldn't have wanted to know if I'd had a chemical pregnancy, but we did tell our nearest and dearest within days of finding out as we figured we'd want their support what ever happened, and we had nothing to hide.

hjbows88 · 01/12/2019 09:38

We are planning to tell our families and friends at Xmas when I’ll be (hopefully) 15 weeks. We are holding out longer than we otherwise would have because of Xmas being a nice opportunity to tell family. Otherwise I would have told them after 12 week scan. Mainly because it’s our first and our parents first grandchild and they will be so happy and excited, I couldn’t handle that pressure and disappointment if something went wrong in the early weeks. I’m also quite a private person so if I miscarried I wouldn’t want others to know (might ultimately tell select people but wouldn’t want this to be automatic and if they already knew I was pregnant I would have no choice).

YessicaHaircut · 01/12/2019 09:51

Congratulations! Obviously it’s completely up to you and your DH, but be warned that telling people you’ve had a miscarriage is very, very difficult and upsetting (I’ve had two this year, both between 11 and 12 weeks). The first time we hadn’t told anyone I was pregnant and it was hard going through it without support from my family, so when I got pregnant again we told my parents, sister and best friend around 8 weeks. Their support during and after the second loss was so helpful but it was awful telling them.
I know it’s really exciting to get a BFP but honestly I would advise waiting at least until your period is late and you’ve had a strong positive test/positive digital test. Good luck whatever you decide x

Esker · 01/12/2019 10:30

I didn't tell my family with my first pregnancy and then when I had an early/ missed miscarriage I was so distressed having to call my mum and say 'I was pregnant but I've had a miscarriage'. In subsequent pregnancies I've told family and close friends early as their support is so necessary if anything goes wrong. Hope you're feeling well and good luck whatever you decide! And congrats!

secretllama · 01/12/2019 11:30

We told our parents and siblings as soon as we found out , as in half an hour after our positive test! We wouldve told them if god forbid anything went wrong so didn't see a reason to hide it. Told friends when and if I needed to tell them before the 12 week scan, (ie if we were on a night out...i didn't lie about reasons for not drinking. My friends know me better and would see right through it). Anyone left to tell I messaged at 12 weeks.... Now 20 weeks! Wouldn't have changed what I done, I wouldve needed support and couldn't have hid my sadness if anything went wrong anyway.

Dyra · 01/12/2019 12:01

Whenever feels right for you.

A note of caution though. My first pregnancy (naturally after 1 year of trying) I told mum within minutes of getting my BFP. I gave permission for her to spread to immediate family. 6 weeks later, it was all over. I was devastated, and for me, knowing that everyone else knew made it so much worse.

This pregnancy (nearly 2 years after MC), family were told after the 12 week scan. It wasn't entirely a surprise since they had known I was taking Clomid. But no-one was expecting it to work on the first cycle, so there was some surprise.

If/when I fall pregnant again, I'll probably tell after the 12 week scan again. I don't know what I would do if I had another MC truthfully.

Disfordarkchocolate · 01/12/2019 12:05

I always waited until the 12-week mark. My family would have been supportive in any situation so I didn't feel they needed to know early to support me if I had a miscarriage. I think its a very individual decision though.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread