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Pregnancy

Telling children about a new baby - at what stage of pregnancy did you do this?

19 replies

KIQFTM · 27/09/2004 19:38

I am a regular but I'm just Keeping It Quiet For The Moment (geddit?)

How fare gone were you before you told your other kid(s) that you were pregnant?

OP posts:

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codswallop · 27/09/2004 19:39

showing

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aloha · 27/09/2004 19:50

I don't think my ds (just 3) would notice anything different about me if I got to 20 stone - typical male! - so I've started chatting to him about it from about 14 weeks (now 20). At first he didn't want to talk about it at all ('don't be silly mummy'), he's still not keen to chat so I don't expect him to engage in lively discussion about it but do mention the new baby (explain it will be small and won't be able to talk and will love his/her big brother) and the other day he looked at his Bear Hunt book and said, "That's Daddy, that's (big sister), that's me, and that is the new baby', which was quite a big step forward for us. Plan to keep it pretty low key, though hope to find out the sex so can tell him if he's having a brother or sister to make it more real. But I don't think he'll really believe it until he sees it!

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poppyseed · 27/09/2004 19:56

Definite bump visible

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Debbiethemum · 27/09/2004 19:59

I told ds (now 3) very early (pre 12 weeks), he came along to the doctors with me and to all the scans, which he found quite exciting as he could see the baby in my tummy, I was never that sure if he realised, he talked for ages after dd was born about 'baby tummy'.

However, dd is now 5 months and we have had very little jealousy and no murder attempts yet !!

I do not know if the ease in which he accepted dd is due to his good nature, the way we handled things post birth or having so long to get used to the idea.

It may all change next week though

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Nimme · 27/09/2004 20:01

We told DD very early - before 12 weeks as we were constantly blabbing about it and didn't want her to hear it in bits and pieces. If things had gone wrong she would have known about that too - wouldn't be able to hide from her. Only neg I would say is that now I am 30 weeks she is getting very impatient for the baby to come out - I look ready to pop!

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fisil · 27/09/2004 20:06

I was thinking about this today - my parents told us at 4.5 months - and we were both at secondary school. I had noticed mum putting on weight around her middle and she had been very ill, but I had never guessed it was a baby! They were too busy getting themselves used to the idea to be ready to tell us.

With us it is different as ds will only be just over 2 when (if) this one comes along. I don't think we'll tell him until really late. He has no concept of time, after all.

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strawberry · 28/09/2004 09:27

Congratulations! I guess it depends how old your kids are and how ill you feel to some extent. DS is only 2.5 and will be 3 when baby is born. DH told him at 8 weeks and DS burst out laughing and said 'That's so funny'.

Also planning to find out if boy or girl to make discussion easier. I am trying not to discuss it too much in front of DS as it's such a long time to wait.

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Pidge · 28/09/2004 09:34

Dd is 2 + 2 months and we've pretty much discussed it openly in front of her from the start (I'm now 18 weeks), but because she is so young we assumed she didn't really understand what was going on. She came to the 12 week scan but showed no interest at all, as she was eating a sandwich at the time and that was far more exciting than funny pictures on a screen! But then when I was about 16 weeks out of the blue one evening she came to sit on my knee and pointed at my stomach saying "Mummy's got a big fat tummy with a baby in it"!! Took me completely by surprise!

She has no concept of time of course, so it'll be an eternity till the baby actually appears, but in the meantime she seems quite happy with the concept that mummy has got a baby inside and has been speculating about whether she, daddy and granny have also got babies in their tummies!

Congratulations!

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charliecat · 28/09/2004 09:36

I told dd 2.3 when I was about 11 weeks. I wished I hadnt as it felt like 3 years before I eventually had the baby. I think dd thought the baby was going to just stay in my tummy as she looked horrified when she actually saw her little sister!

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hana · 28/09/2004 10:22

didn't really say anything to dd until I was about 16 weeks or so - she too had been to all the scans though and when we did say something she said something along the lines of 'I know mummy. There's a baby in your belly'
oh the wisdom of 3 year olds!

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smellymelly · 28/09/2004 10:29

I was throwing up constantly, and ds kept asking me why I was poorly, so although last time I never blamed any pain or sickness on the baby, so he wouldn't feel resentful, but this time I had no choice really.

We told him quite early, but we'd had early scans so knew thing were ok this time. Waited till about 9 weeks till we told him it was twins though!!!

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smellymelly · 28/09/2004 10:30

Ds is 4.5 BTW, dd is just 2 and we just let her find out when I started growing, which was very early!

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melsmum · 28/09/2004 12:46

i have just 3 weeks to go til my 2nd baby. my 1st dd is 2 next week and she knows that mummy has a baby in her tummy although i dont think she understands! she tell s everyone about mummys baby and kisses my tummy etc. because she is 2 next week we have bought her a dolly and all the accesories to go with it so she can copy me when i change the baby nappy, bath baby etc. what i am most worried about is her feeling left out and upset when i am feeding baby and she cant sit on my knee or play with her as much as i do now

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prettycandles · 28/09/2004 13:35

Ds was 18m when I got pg with dd. He came with me to most of my a-n appointments, though we didn't tell him what they were for. Nonetheless, he thoroughly enjoyed helping the midwife check my blood pressure and listen to my tummy!

Throughought the pregnancy I made sure to hold and cuddle any tiny babies I could borrow, so that ds would get used to the idea of me cuddling someone else. We also looked at photo albums a lot and talked about what babies are like. I didn't tell ds that I was going to have a baby, and that the new baby would be living with us (as opposed to borrowed from a friend! ), until about 6-7m. That week he had his first tantrums plus hunger strikes...coincidence?

We didn't see the point of telling ds about the baby before about 28 weeks, ie when the foetus has a good chance of survival if born prematurely.

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melsmum · 28/09/2004 13:41

good idea prettycandles about borrowing babies to hold and chat about. do you think it helps that my 1st is a girl and will want to do mumsy things like play with her dollies to be like me etc?

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linnet · 28/09/2004 14:46

My dd was 6 when I got pregnant with #2. We didn't tell her or anyone else for that matter until I was 20 weeks. We told everyone on christmas day, our big christmas announcement. Nobody had any idea that I was pregnant.

I told work 2 weeks later and nobody there had guessed either.

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prettycandles · 28/09/2004 14:51

I don't know, probably more down to the personality, rather than gender. Does she like to play make-believe games?

Getting the elder child used to seeing Mummy loving other children lesses the shock for them I think.

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motherinferior · 28/09/2004 14:58

Can't really remember - she was under two when I got pregnant, but I think I started talking about it quite a lot from about five months, and she was certainly telling people proudly 'mummy's having a baby' from about seven months in.

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collision · 28/09/2004 22:39

We told ds who is 2.5 very early as we kept talking about it and found it hard not to tell him. He keeps asking about the baby and puts his lips on my tummy and says 'Hello baby ......see you soon.' Have 8 weeks to go but ds was 5 weeks early so we will have to wait and see if this one is the same.

In hindsight I would prob have waited because if I had had a MC I dont know how we would have dealt with it.