Second pregnancy guilt

[MummaMonk]

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance or Solidarity...

I have a 22mo son who is my absolute world. He's still nursing and very much a mummy's boy.

I've just found out I'm expecting #2 who was planned very much wanted and the initial elation and happiness is now form absolute heartbreaking guilt and sadness for my son.

I'm worried he's too young. I'm worried his entire universe is going to fall apart and all bc I've chosen to have another baby.

I just feel so GUILTY for doing this to him.

How do I come to terms with my feelings...
😭😭😭😭

I am in no way sad or disappointed I am pregnant I am over the moon but I'm conflicted....

Feeling for you!

Just yesterday night was so emotional about my 20 month old girl and 18 weeks pregnant. I was just thinking of how would she be without me when I give birth( I have to have a hospital birth due to complications), and afterwards as new baby will be breastfeeding.

But I just reminded myself in my case she's blessed to have a 10yo brother who cares for her very much and trying to enjoy the present without worrying to much of tomorrow.

I guess in the long run your kids will be so close in age and will be nice to always have someone to play with.

Don't feel guilty. I have a similar age gap as you and they (mostly) adore each other. I understand where you are coming from but I think as long as you keep DC1 involved all will be fine. It's hard for them to understand at first as a baby is just a theoretical concept to them but as my bump grew with DD2, DD1 would tell stories to the baby and offer her food too it. It was very sweet.

It is a bit harder practically when pregnant with DC2. There is less chance to nap and I had bad sickness with both mine so it wasn't nice for DD1 to see but there are age appropriate books and just talking to them and explaining seems to do the trick.

We got DD1 a present from the new baby and vice versa and let her help with nappies etc. It is hard at first but you soon settle into a routine.

I'm sure DS will love being a big brother, go easy on yourself.

Do you have siblings yourself? I am the oldest of 4 and of course there are times when you get sick of each other but for the whole it's great and obviously it's the 'norm' iyswim? I've never known life without them and neither will your DS.

R2D2abc I had to stay in hospital for a week with both my DC and it was really hard and strange to be apart from DD1. She seemed huge and smelled different when I saw her after DD2's birth!

It is a period of adjustment for all but you do settle into a new norm. Having supportive family and DH/P helps enormously both as support for you and for your older child to have an extra person to give them their undivided attention as they adjust.

Oh, one last thing. As you are getting things ready for the new baby your oldest will love hearing stories about themselves as babies and toddlers. We still tell DD1 'you used to do that' and she loves it and I think it helps her to relate more.

I feel for you OP- try to visualise all of the big life moments for which he’ll get to share it with a sibling though.

Imagine Christmas mornings when they’re old enough to play together, family holidays where everything went wrong but you still had the best time, Birthdays, graduations and imagine one day when they have their own families grown and you’re no longer here them laughing with each and saying ‘hey do you remember that time when...?’

^ Thats what makes having a sibling worth it.

I feel so much guilt at the thought of having a second. I’ve been so awfully unwell with DS that, were I this sick again, I’d be incapable of looking after him. I’m not sure if I’ll dare take the chance but certainly feel a lot of guilt either way xxx

Your son is only young and won't even remember being an only child. My son was 5 when I had my 2nd and he can't hardly remember before his brother was born. He adored his brother although wasn't massively interested in him when he was first born. (most kids ain't). I'm having no3 in January my kids now 9 & 3 cannot wait to have a little siblin. Don't worry yourself about it. It's more what your thinking than what your child will think. I think we all have a stage of thinking what will our first child think but honestly it doesn't even bother them x

I felt a bit like this, have a 2 year old and I am 39 weeks due with no 2, but something that really helped me was not to think of how I would be taking anything away from dc1 but to think that this next baby is going to be the greatest gift that you could give your son 🙂

I had an 18 month gap between my sons and I remember feeling exactly the same as you. But when my baby was born, my older boy suddenly looked like he’d doubled in size overnight. He now can’t remember a time without his brother and they are as thick as thieves together and yes it was harder to give him my time but you find a way to make it through. He loves having a little brother.

My little boy is only 7 months old and I'm already expecting number 2. I've been feeling so worried about how everything will change for him and much of my time will be spent on the newbie. :(