Hello, I am new to this and so sorry if my post will upset anyone. I just don’t know where else to turn.
I am 34, soon 35 and with my husband we decided it’s time to give it a go, though we love our life and travelling a lot, and are really lazy people too...but my clock is ticking and what if we don’t try now and will never happen and we miss out on this big life experience?
So we did try, after a year or so of talking and postponing and it happened straight away! Immediately I felt relieved that all with us functions properly and even downloaded apps to see when it’s due etc...but the day after finding out I completely lost my mind and so did he.
We have started freaking out big time and even seriously considering abortion. We don’t even know if the baby is ok, and I am only 5 and 1/2 weeks but I just can’t cope with the idea... I feel like I don’t want this baby and that I won’t be able to care for it, especially as I suffer from anxiety and I keep thinking “look at how I reacted? I have lost control and my head keeps spinning and I feel fear and terrified and thinking about abortion so what when the baby comes? She/He deserves better than me”. I have found out less than a week ago and seen so many posts about similar thoughts but no one seems to be “as bad as me”. I feel a bad person for considering abortion but I keep thinking that if for the last 5 days now, I felt I don’t want it than I shouldn’t bring a baby to this world if I am not ready. And then a part of me asks: “will you ever be ready though?”. Maybe I simply shouldn’t have tried and I am not parent material...but now it’s here and I keep thinking I wish it will go away on its own and then think how bad a person I am for thinking this way. I am sorry if I am upsetting people who are struggling to get pregnant and really desire it...I just hoped someone can help me with their stories...I have booked an appointment to start therapy with a psychologist...but feel I need to make a decision sooner than that. Sorry for my post.