Bereavement during pregnancy

[AJB120]

I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant

We lost my brother a few ago very suddenly and very unexpectedly. Since then my nanna was diagnosed with cancer and was given weeks. She is declining fast and we are approaching her last few days. My family and I still haven’t come to terms with the loss of my brother. We are spending all of our time with nanna and making sure she’s not alone and is comfortable as best she can be.

I don’t know how to deal with it all and I’m trying to keep it together for my family and baby. Has anyone experienced anything like this whilst pregnant? I just don’t know what to do... I feel guilty that I’m not concentrating on being pregnant but my husband has been wonderful is making sure I’m eating and resting as best I can. I’m terrified that all of the stress and pain is going to effect our baby.

I'm so sorry for your loss and bad news. What an upsetting time when you should be monumentally excited about your new arrival.

My grandfather passed when I was a few weeks but I really don't think that compares to the grief you are feeling now. Plus you have hormones on top.

Personally, I would look into doing some meditation. For me, it's a way to keep my mental health in check. It's the only time I can take 10 or 15 minutes out of my day to block everything else out of my head. Somehow it keeps me grounded and able to approach every day with a sense of calm.

You will need to take each day as it comes. Grief will hit you in waves. Acknowledge those feelings, let them come. Cry at how much you miss him, laugh at the good memories, get angry at how fucking unfair it is... I dont think you should hold back those feelings of grief.

In regards to your grandmother, I think all you can expect is to grow closer as a family and support each other. I'm sure visits will be welcome and a chance for your grandmother to connect with baby (even though s/he is still in utero)? Try and focus on that maybe? Your baby will know your grandmother in some way that way.

Again, focus on one day at a time. Take it easy if you can. Let feelings come out. Support and love each other. Thats all you can do.

I'm so sorry again.

So sorry to hear you are going through that. Feel what you need to feel. There is plenty of time to 'concentrate on being pregnant'. You are a human being suffering loss and that hurts, and that's ok.
Whether by 'family' you mean adult relatives or other children, I think it will benefit them to see you a) allowing yourself to feel and process emotions and b) looking after yourself. Adults may also appreciate the emotional solidarity of the situation.

I lost my husband when I was 30 weeks pregnant,cried alot,worried alot but baby was fine.

Its an awful thing to go through while your pregnant but dont in any way feel guilty.

Your husband sounds wonderful,lean on him and you'll get through it somehow.

Im sure your Nanna would be telling you the same.

Take care of yourself

So sorry for your loss. My advice is very practical. Make sure that you are eating and drinking well even though you probably won't feel like it. Loss is incredibly hard to deal with when you are pregnant. Be kind to yourself.

My father had a stroke when I was 34 weeks pregnant, We knew quite quickly that he wouldn't make it and he died when DS was 5 weeks old.

I learned that there is so much out of control and you have to concentrate on what you can control. There is no magic formula but you can take good care of yourself and put your focus into that.

I wish you well.