Partner wants me to go back on birth control...

[Honeymoon21]

Hi everyone,

Me and my partner have been talking about having a baby for a while, I actually got pregnant twice but had two miscarriages and was obviously heartbroken...

My partner has been reassuring me that it will happen for us and we will have a little family together and that has been keeping me going following my miscarriages.

However I got home from work last night and he wasn’t affectionate, didn’t even look away from the tv when I got in and after about 5 minutes he told me he doesn’t want to have a baby anymore and that I need to go back on birth control.

I understand if he doesn’t feel ready for a child but how can I make myself feel better? I can’t stop crying because this is all I wanted and to hear that my partner no longer wants me to get pregnant is breaking my heart. How can I make myself stop crying and come to terms with this?

I can’t help but feel like this is my fault because I had 2 miscarriages. Like I said I understand where he’s coming from but he was so cold about it and when he left for work this morning he didn’t even say goodbye like he always does and just left me crying in bed. Please if anyone has any advice let me know :( :( :(

Sorry it’s a tough time OP

We had 2 MCs when trying for our current pregnancy (first baby). My fiancé was my rock when I fell apart each time and dealt with me in between each pregnancy (looking back I was really not in a good place). He was there strong one’ when I was sobbing on the floor after yet another loss or period, or my irrational melt downs because there was a baby on the TV.

He has said during this pregnancy that he’s so thankful this one has worked out because he couldn’t stand seeing the trauma I was going through and he’s worried about trying for another baby after this (we want 2/3) incase it happens again.

During our TTC journey he did not tell me how he was REALLY feeling and I didn’t realise 1. How much pain he was in, 2. What headspace I was really in that he was dealing with

Could it be that he is not coping with the losses? And his way of protecting you and him from it is to take a break from TTC?

Sending hugs

I agree with keyboard on this.
Miscarriages/stillbirths can be traumatic for both partners. For myself I was a wreck and that meant my partner was picking up the pieces of me and he suffered seeing what I went through.
Both of you need to be ready to try again. He probably wants a break.

However, he’s handled telling you very very badly. He should not be dictating and being cold towards you. So you are justified for a good cry and to feel lost.

I’d gently ask him what he is feeling and thinking and say you understand if he can’t risk going through another loss so soon. But he should apologise for how he’s handled this.