About to give up on pumping! (Long post sorry!)

[ewod]

I'm due to see the health visitor on Monday for our daughter's 10 day check up, however feel I need to come to a decision on feeding asap.

Whilst pregnant I'd planned to breast feed, as for me I could see the benefits were amazing. Unfortunately, this didn't go to plan as after 2-3 days of failed attempts by myself and midwives on the ward post-birth, we could just not get baby to latch. I was really disappointed, and growing increasingly concerned she was growing hungrier by the hour so by the 2nd eve the midwife suggested I try a pump. I was really pleased I could finally feed breast milk to my baby, and was boosted by the fact my husband could also help with the bottle feeds too. En route home from the hospital we picked up a single electric pump (doubles so expensive!) and thought all our problems were solved.

A week later I feel is a different story! I'm at the end of my tether with it and it's really getting me down. My husband returns to work soon, and we both agree he's spent the most time with baby, whilst I've spent all my time pumping/sterilising 😢. As only one pump, it takes me 40 mins to express both boobs, every three hours. I don't feel like I can currently leave the house, and when I last saw the health visitor she told me I needed to be pumping even more to keep up supply, plus throughout the night! I tried doubling up with a hand pump to halve the time, but found this quite painful on the wrists and it appeared to actually reduce the amount collected.

Formula is becoming more of an answer for us. I was given a magazine in hospital for which was very pro-breast...and reading through it made me feel like a failure; particularly when it detailed how formula could cause my baby so many issues in life 😢. I would love to be able to stick to it, and any advice would be greatly received! But at the same time, would like to hear experiences of swapping over please! How have you guys either perservered, or made the change?

Many thanks

A couple of questions- sorry! Is she gaining weight, and are you still putting her to the breast at all?

And that magazine the hospital gave you-if it goes on about ff causing your baby “many issues in life” then bin it. But before you do that, name and shame it so other people know to bin it too!

I haven’t done much pumping but apart from the first week it left me with lovely bruised breasts so I think you’ve done amazingly well.
Don’t worry about anybody judging you for switching to formula unfortunately we women are judge constantly on how we feed our babies. I say this as someone who started bf within days had to start mix feeding due to weight loss, stopped that and back to bf, then a few months later back to mix feeding. This time with cmpa formula. Now still bf the little monster at two and very much judged for it. I’ve only made homemade baby food once, he rejected it, couldn’t be bothered again. I’ve been judged for that to.
Ds has had just about every cold going since he was born and has been constantly ill for the last 2 months. He’s had ear infections, eczema. We have avoided most stomach bugs
The only thing I would say is you don’t have to sterilise the pump for breast milk not sure about the bottles.
If you want to go for formula do. Would I bf another child? Probably but only because I’m disorganised and hate washing up.

Aren’t there also breastmilk banks ? Ask your doctor about getting donor breastmilk for your baby from a bank.

First of all you should feel so proud of yourself for working so hard to make sure you give your baby the best start in life, and the fact that you're agonising over this decision shows what a good mum you are already :)

I was in a similar position to you and ended up pumping to bottle feed my daughter as she just wasn't interested in taking it from the breast at all. I was terrified about weight loss and, like you, I was initially happy at the thought that pumping would be the best solution.

I persevered for 3 weeks... hating every second of pumping, taking twice as long to do feeds, feeling that sense of doom when the health visitor told me to pump EVEN MORE (how?!?!) and doing this on such little sleep as you can't even get feeds done in quick time overnight.

Honestly, I wish I had given up sooner. Switching to formula changed everything! I tortured myself thinking I was such a failure as a mother, that DD would get ill or we wouldn't bond as much as BFing yada yada yada. She's now almost 9 weeks old, been solely on formula for 5 of those, and she's the happiest little baby you will ever meet, probably because she now has a relaxed mummy who isn't constantly stressing about her feeds (and actually gets to have some sleep!)

My health visitor point blank refused to give any advice about switching because "breast is always best" so I asked my midwife for help instead. She told me there's no right or wrong way, just follow baby's lead and see how it goes. I gradually fizzled out the breast milk over about a week and my DD never seemed to notice the difference.

Good luck with whichever path you choose - and please don't feel guilty if you do decide to go with formula! I promise you it does not make you a failure!

If I wasn't able to breastfeed directly I would absolutely switch to formula.

I think you've done amazingly well and given her a great start and you should be proud of that. But you also need to do what's best for you and your family. It sounds like pumping is starting to affect your mental health and is taking up a lot of time where you could be enjoying those newborn snuggles and bonding with your baby. Please don't feel guilty whatever you decide to do!

Have you got a local breastfeeding group, like the Le Leche League? My local one hires out hospital grade double pumps for £10.

Also, you don't need to steriliae for breastmilk, just wash in hot soapy water.

Well done for pumping for so long! I definitely couldn't do it!

Before you stop pumping, have you thought about giving breastfeeding another go? Your supply will be better now than straight after birth and I found it much easier to latch my DD on when she was slightly bigger (and I was less terrified of accidentally hurting her).
Your HV should be able to direct you to some BF support groups, in my area you can ask someone to come to your house to support you. There are also hotlines you can ring for advice, someone more knowledgable than me will be able to tell you the right thing to google!

If you have decided you want to stop pumping, do not let anyone make you feel bad for doing so! At the end of the day, as long as your baby is fed, she'll be happy, and 10 years down the line, no one will know (or care) whether you breastfed, express or FF.

I pumped for 9 months for DS2, and average of 7 times a day. I look back and I wonder why no one stopped me, or at least told me it was ok if I stopped.

I'm sitting in bed feeding DS2 (18m old) after months of blood, sweat and tears getting feeding working.

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't pump long term again. I would give it a real go to try to transfer baby to the breast for a few days and see how it goes. In my case the local breastfeeding clinic at the children and family centre was what got it working.

Remember that a fed baby is what you're looking to achieve. There are no medals for how you feed them.

I was in the same situation with my 21 week old, we tried for days in hospital to get her to latch, and in the end I hand expressed and pumped just to get some milk into her.

I gave up much more quickly than you did, after a few pumping sessions in the hospital I had these visions of being pretty much attached to the pump once I got home and panicked.

As my midwife said to me - you have tried hard to do the best for your baby, and she has had some milk which is great. Just please don't beat yourself, or get yourself in a state where you dread feeding your little one, it wouldn't be good for either of you.

You need a hospital grade double pump otherwise exclusively pumping is totally impossible (as you have found). The midwives on the wars should have told you this before you even left to go home. Speak to your HV to find out if they or your local children’s centre rent them out.

Also, don’t feel guilty for switching to formula. It’s not as good as breast milk but millions and millions of kids are fed formula from day one and do just fine. Also, the first few days when your baby gets colostrum and by far the most important in terms of health benefit. You have done an amazing job so far so don’t let the breastfeeding guilt ruin motherhood for you.

Hey if you decide to stop pumping do so because it’s your choice and not because what other people are telling you etc.

You’ve done great for doing it up until now - a newborn & pumping is no joke - it’s hard - I know as I did it / doing it too.

My babe is now 8 months.

The first 6 weeks are the hardest with breast feeding / pumping until your supply comes in - no doubt they’ve told you this or have read enough about it.

Is mix feeding an option for you at all? I mix feed my baby and it worked so well for us up until around the 6.5/7 month mark. His teeth came through & illness & I can’t get him latched without biting like a shark so I’ve gone to try & express milk multiple pumping during the day - I hate it!

Another option is buying an Elvie pump. I brought one in the last hope of expressing milk. I’ve only had it a day but oh my god it’s a game changer. I’m not there with it yet as I’ve never had much milk expressing with other pumps even though babe was thriving on mix feeding but giving it a few weeks to up my supply again etc and see what happens.

Good luck whatever you decide to do - fed baby is best! No matter what you do so ignore them that try to bully you.

OP I would try and find a support group locally and see if they can advise, only because it seems you really want to BF, and then you really have tried everything you can. However, formula is honestly absolutely fine, and that magazine sounds like a pile of crap. There are benefits to breastfeeding, but honestly, new research has shown that if you have access to clean water to make formula safely; they are more minimal than thought. Plus, you are important in all of this, I would want to enjoy my baby rather than be exhausted, sore and struggling when there is a perfectly healthy alternative. I was doing the same, offering the breast, pumping and it was relentless. After a few weeks baby was not gaining weight, and my body and mind was in tatters, so we swapped. I did Combi feed for a bit (which could be something you might want to look into?), but he thrived on formula so we went fully over at 8 weeks. Whatever you do, you are doing the best for you and baby.

I exclusively pumped for 3 weeks. It severely affected my mental health. Finally gave into formula and was much happier. Try with getting a latch for one last day so in your mind you don't think "what if we COULD have breastfed?!". But the decision is yours. My son is 2 now and never poorly. I'm still hoping to breastfeed no 2 when they arrive.

First off, well done on getting this far!! Secondly, bless you, do what's best for your sanity!!! Your baby will be fed whatever you choose and imo that's best. If you haven't been to a breast feeding clinic I highly recommend it, they are so nice and helpful there.

I exclusively express to feed, so to give you an idea:
My sons almost 5 months old. He has been a chewer since birth and also likes to twist his head around, so breast feeding was painful from the off, lots of bloody nipples 😭

To begin with I was expressing 15 minutes each breast after every feed, I then found that sometimes I was getting very little milk (30ml at times) or loads (180ml) so I scheduled it (it took me until he was 3 months to even think of that, I've suffered major brain fog)
I now do 30 minutes, each breast 5 times a day. I start when he wakes for his morning feed and then every 4 hours thereafter.
Today it looks like this : 6am,10am, 2pm, 6pm, 10pm.
I've managed because he's really easy to get to nap during the week (he likes to sleep) and at the weekend my dh plays with him.
But, I find myself tied to the house some days, I use a manual pump so now have rsi in my right thumb and I also have a callous on my left index finger.
My plan was always 6 months, so I keep telling myself, January, I've only got to keep going to January.

But like I said, your sanity comes first, you're never going to let your baby starve, so do what is best for you both and God luck, you're doing a great job!!

I have only managed to breastfeed one of my three children . They have all grown up healthy and you could not tell the difference. With my first son I could not get him to latch . The midwife found me on my hands and knees in tears ( I had cracked and bleeding nipples) .She immediately sent DH to buy all the equipment for bottle feeding . She told me never to get in such a state again and that my son would thrive as long as he was fed whichever way it was. I did still feel very quilty but I started to enjoy my son . Do what you need to do OP for your sanity .

Could have written your post myself op.
I have inverted nipples and had a baby with a tongue tie, in fairness I had lots of help from mw in hospital and went to many feeding groups. My dd didn’t want to know and one mw said due to my situation said I didn’t have a hope in hell of breastfeeding (I agreed with her by this point).

I pumped for 7 weeks and everyday i cried and became lower and lower because i felt like a failure. I went back tonwork when dd was 3 months and half of my precious leave was spent with me in an awful state. Eventually I stopped pumping and gave her formula full time. We started to bond and I was happy, she was happy. It was the best thing for our situation.

As for the magazine, don’t take note. Just do what is right for you and your baby.

It's really ok to stop if that is what you want. The main benefits of bf for me were not having to wash or sterilise bottles in all honestly! Oh and no periods for a year.
My lovely SIL had the same fight at the beginning and switched to formula by 8 weeks for both and as you can imagine they are both thriving, intelligent, cheeky amazing little kids. The first 8 weeks for her were so hard because she could barely leave the house to get away from the pump and then felt embarrassed by bottles so didnt want visitors in case she was judged, she never really got to enjoy her perfect little newborn in all honestly.

It sounds like you really want to breastfeed so if you can it would be worth trying to get some specialist support to try to get baby latched.

If you can’t breastfeed directly please don’t be a martyr about pumping like I was. My baby had tongue tie and never got a proper latch. I pumped for 6 weeks and, combined with trauma from the delivery, it destroyed my mental health. Between pumping, sterilising bottles, feeding, hours of skin to skin trying to encourage breastfeeding (instead of sleeping when she slept) and general newborn-ness I never slept for more than 2 hours. I was diagnosed with PND at 6 weeks, the GP looked me in the eye and said ‘you need to stop’. A healthy mum is so much more important than breast milk! I wish I’d stopped earlier so I could have spent more time enjoying my new baby instead of attached to a pump, but I was so exhausted I couldn’t think to do anything but carry on as I was until somebody stopped me.
She’s now a beautiful happy healthy formula fed 5 month old!

If you do decide to stop pumping, the way I did it was to only pump until my breasts no longer felt full, and gradually increase the time between pumping sessions. It took less than a week to stop completely, but listen to your body and don’t rush it - mastitis would be the last thing you need right now! My daughter took to formula straight away, but took a couple of feeds to get the hang of the slower flow (formula is thicker than breast milk).

@ewod I struggled to breastfeed more in one side he just woukdnt latch on think this was because he was in hospital for first 10 days so was bottle fed and I pumped like your self, but my midwife advised me to get nipple shields which I did and baby latched on straight away no fuss and was so much easier it was my savior I would try these first and also only position I could get him to latch was the rugby ball hold so maybe try different position

I was in the same situation. DD wouldn't latch and no amount of midwifes or breastfeeding "specialists" could get her to latch either.

In the end, we went out and got a pump and fed her via a bottle. Like you, I found it exhausting, I felt like a diary cow hooked up to a pumping machine for hours and hours per day. I developed mastitis twice, once which nearly ended with me being admitted to hospital due to infection. During the last case of mastitis it was too painful for me to pump for about a week and my milk supply reduced to the point I wasn't getting half as much as before.

About three weeks in, I gave up and switched to formula. I wish I had done it sooner. DD was perfectly happy on it!!

I couldn't get DD to latch in the beginning, I think mainly because she was so small (2kg), and she lost more than 10% of her birth weight so the paediatrician advised to try breastfeeding for 10 mins each time then top up with pumped milk or formula.

We fed DD with a little cup (as suggested by the midwife) to avoid her getting used to bottles as I still wanted to breastfeed if I could. I pumped about 5 times a day (I was also told to do more ideally and definitely in the night - this is important to build your supply) for around 6 weeks and we made up any extra with formula, all the time trying to breastfeed and then using the cup. I was pretty miserable and had I not had a double pump I think I would have given up - I nearly did at least twice. I also had 2 episodes of mastitis which is not something I'd like to experience again!

In the end, DD got better and better at breastfeeding as she got bigger, and although I was still almost ready to give up, the thing that saved me was going to the 'baby Cafe' run by the health visiting team, crying about the cup feeding and how miserable I was, and asking if I could just give her a bottle. So we did and I was so much happier (cup feeding is HARD), and then the breastfeeding just fell into place after that! Maybe because I was less stressed?

DD continued to have a bottle of formula at bedtime with DH so I could get a bit more sleep but eventually she started rejecting the bottle - clearly nothing but straight from the tap is good enough for her now

So, if you're not ready to stop trying to breastfeed just yet then maybe you could rent a double pump and continue with mixed feeding, and maybe try a cup? It took a lot out of me but I'm glad we got there in the end. Equally, if you're done then there's no shame in formula feeding, or combination. If you're going to still pump a bit just be careful to reduce gradually so you don't get mastitis and get advice about how much you'd need to do to avoid drying up. Hope that's helpful!

You have done really well so far. I expressed for 2 weeks for my DD I had a double pump and it was really hard. I managed to get her back to the breast by using nipple shields. Also remember that you could introduce some formula feeds and try pumping or breastfeeding the rest of doesn't need to be all or nothing.

I exclusively expressed for 13 months - you need a double pump, you need a hands free bra, and you need rechargeable batteries.
Otherwise it will drive you mad, and you're unlikely to keep with it.

I expressed when doing dead tasks, like sorting laundry, washing up, drying hair, so it just wasn't as much of a time drain.