Don't know what to do

[London95]

Please can I ask for advice please? I'm a single parent to a 10 year old. I've been seeing someone for 2 years but not serious and haven't introduced them to my child. I've found out I'm pregnant but I don't know what to do.
My daughter's dad doesn't have any involvement at all and if I keep this pregnancy, the baby will have a father that wants to be involved a lot and the father also has good family whereas I don't have any family nearby.
I am very worried that the impact of this on my daughter and I'm really scared of damage my daughter emotionally.
I can't suddenly change my daughter's life, I'm not with the father anymore but how could I suddenly introduce him to her life and suddenly be having a baby.
The dad also wants contact each week from newborn and overnights. My family live a long way away but they are strict and don't even know I was seeing anyone, how can I say I'm having a baby suddenly. Im really scared and don't know what to do.

I think you should just take things one step at a time, firstly can u afford the baby? Tell the father when you can and I guess you'll just have to take everything slowly, if he's going to have a baby with you then he'll have to accept your child as well not financially but he should do things with both together. Family come as a package not as separate parts. He also should have time with his biological child on his own too.

If you are confident the new man is safe and nice then slowly start to introduce your daughter to him until you give birth. It's not a must but would make all your lives better

Oh sorry just seen that you were casual with him. I really couldn't say what the best thing to do so would be, are you considering a relationship with the father?

Oh gosh, I messed that one right up, I didn't read you op properly

Your 10year old doesn't need a relationship with him at all, I would just have special days for 10yr old when baby's with the father, explain to your oldest what's happening slowly and make them feel included with things.
As for the parents things, maybe just tell them the truth, things happen that people might not like but how they react won't change anything xx
Sorry again for skim reading your post before

The father knows he said he wants to be involved. I can't afford it me and my daughter haven't even got carpets only floorboards, Im a single parent on universal credit with no maintenance paid and no family help.

Hi OP.

Will your family be supportive once they get over the shock?

My relative got pregnant from a casual fling and had a gorgeous baby. Then went onto have another with a lovely bloke but sadly it ended.

It is now very confusing and upsetting for the one child when the sibling gets love, trips, contact with dad's family (and the other has zero from their dad). So I do understand your concern.

Do you think you can cope with another child? Would you have liked one more?

He's not been to my house, I'm scared if he sees no carpets and run down house he might try and take the baby.

I would of liked more children but not at the cost of my daughters well-being, she means the absolute world to me and she's really really happy. I know she would like a sibling, she has told me but I've always stayed single apart from this as I didnt want to take any risks my child.

Hi OP,

From your posts I've read that your main concern is having a baby would be a negative impact on your daughter, what makes you think this? Also concerns of the father taking the baby away from you , you don't need to let him into your home.

Think of all the positives and negatives in your current situation and see what outcome would be best for yourself and your daughter, forget about the father for now it's your body, don't let him decide for you.

I'm scared of being a bad mum to my daughter, it's so important to me to be a good mum. He will want to see the baby when they are newborn and with my daughter I struggled to go out for a while until I'd recovered from the birth. He lives quite a way away and has asked to take baby overnight to see his family, I said I couldn't be apart from our baby for that long till they were much older.

OP, you're really rushing ahead here talking about overnight contact arrangements etc. You're very early in your pregnancy and you still have choices.

The father has been asked me for this contact already and wants to arrange it already. I feel like I have kept everything very stable for my daughter since she was born and she's very happy and we are incredibly close and now I've ruined everything I've worked for of keeping our home together stable.
My family were very upset when I had my daughter as I wasn't in a proper relationship and was young. I was terrified, I gave birth on my own in the hospital and pretended my mum and dad were waiting for me to the nurses at the hospital and went home to my flat at the time in a taxi with my baby. I got through that and coped, I remember being so scared but I did it and my daughter is the best thing that's ever happened to me, she is amazing. I don't know if I can cope again now everything is settled and it will be hard having to cope with the father and his family also.

You don't have to discuss anything with the father right now. You certainly don't have to grant overnight access to a newborn.

You don't even have to continue the pregnancy if you don't want to. Take some time to think about it.

I'm so sorry for what you went through when your daughter was born. You sound like a wonderful mum.

I agree with @peachgreen

Thankyou that's very kind