my journey hasnt even begun and I feel I've already failed my baby and my partner

[stompingfairy]

Normally I love life and don't stop bouncing about and smiling from the second i wake up to the second i go to bed, I'm pretty resilient, nothing and no one can bring me down. But I'm really struggling and have been since around 10/12 weeks, I'm now at 16 weeks. I constantly feel I have failed my baby already, I'm going to be a terrible parent and I'll really mess up but I don't know how. I feel constantly I fail my partner, I don't make him feel loved enough, am an embarrassment to him and that he's only sticking around and putting up with me because I am pregnant. Once the baby arrives he will leave and take our baby away. I have told him most of this, there is no reply. I feel unattractive and dull in every aspect. I find it hard to do the things I enjoy as I'll only mess them up and cause further embarrassment. I work part time and am not a bad person, but I feel like the worst person ever for no reason other than the above stated. I do not turn to anyone as I do not wish to burden others with my negativity nor do I expect any help from anyone as it is my job to help everyone else. I am terrified something will happen during pregnancy and I will loose the baby and that my partner will blame me and hate me for it. These things keep me awake. I have NO desire at all to harm myself nor my baby, we are safe in that respect. I can't keep thinking this way though, when will it stop? How can I help myself to pick myself up and take control of these thoughts and feelings? Is there any foods, supplements or exercise? Sorry for such a negative post, but I'm not sure what else to do. I've tried to talk to my GP but was palmed off.

I think you would benefit from some talking therapy. Your worries aren't rational. Your could call the Samaritans, you don't need to be suicidal.

Don't be fobbed off by gp. Either go back, or get another one.

What you have described is a very drastic affect on your mood and mental well-being.

Also, your partner's response is shit. I assume that response was a surprise to you as hes not usually like that? Speak to him again too.

In the meantime, you should be starting to feel a bit better into your 2nd trimester, but get help, and don't leave it.

Its normal to have some added anxieties being pregnant/hormonal, such a big adjustment to make, but this sounds like its running away with you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I really hope you start to feel a lot more yourself soon, and that your sources of support come.good for you.

Hi op, I’m sorry you’re having such a bad time of it. It does seem that you’ve had a huge shift in how you’re feeling which isn’t run of the mill. I’d talk to your midwives about this - be really honest and see if there’s peri natal support to be had.

We’re wising up to peri natal mental health issues and I know more places are trying to put some provisions in place. I’ve just had dc2 and when I flagged possible mental health risks my midwives were quick to offer support. Same with a friend in a different part of the country.

I’m sorry you’re GP was so rubbish, hope MW will be better. Would your dp go with you to your next appointment to provide some back up?

Best of luck, keep pushing for help.

You have antenatal depression and need treatment and support. Call your midwife today and ask for a referral to the perinatal mental health team.