Help, pregnant and not sure I want to be

[Pink65]

Hi, please don’t judge me, I have 2 heathy kids that we adore I always planned on having 3, we tried for 18 months and nothing happened so I just assumed I was to old (34) and I should be happy with what I had. Iv found out I’m pregnant (11 weeks) I was happy to begin with and now the reality has hit that im having baby no 3, I’m terrified, I feel 2 old all of a sudden my baby’s are 7 and 4, I’m scared that it’s going to ruin their lives by the change that’s going to happen, I’m scared they won’t be able to holiday like we usually do or days out, I’m scared of “starting again” I have a good support network and my husband is amazing his (40) I have no idea why I feel this way. I’m scared he won’t be around for this baby when we are older things that never entered my head when I was pregnant with my other 2. Iv been googling abortion but my husband says I will regret it for the rest of my life. I guess I’m hoping for story’s of similar that have worked out, some reassurance that I’m not a total A hole for feeling like this. I’m very tearful and so sick all day I just keep wondering what have I done. 😢.

I'm about to have my first at the grand old age of very nearly 35! You are not too old, not at all.

I think the emotions you're feeling are probably quite normal, and probably related to the shock of being 11 weeks pregnant without knowing it. If you've always planned on a third, then I suspect deep down you probably do want this baby, but there's a lot to get your head around. It will be a huge change, of course. Try to keep a level head, talk to your DH a lot, and together you can work out what is best for you and your family.

op for perspective, l had my fist baby at 38 and second at 39! A good friend has had her second at 41...
Could you have prenatal depression? I had this with both mine and felt very upset and tearful, full of doubt despite wanting to be pregnant...each time it lifted fast once l gave birth...
Maybe see your GP?

My mum was older than you when I was born. I didn't miss out, she didn't ruin my life. My dad is older like your DP and tbh I think it actually helped me in many ways as they were more progressed in careers and had more savings than they would have done 10yrs before.

Congratulations and whatever you do will be for the best x

Funnily enough I did touch on this with the midwife on my booking appointment, she was no help infact her reply was “what would you like us to offer you” I should be so happy but all I keep thinking is how it’s affecting mine and my children’s lives, it’s the happiest time of year and my absolute favourite and I feel awful, I can’t do anything through sickness, I’m scared of going out the house Incase I feel sick, Iv turned from a semi glam beauty tech in to a sloth in pjs that sits on a sofa all day waiting for it to socially acceptable to go to bed to sleep so I can forget the sickness. I feel so awful because in my mind I’m hoping for a miscarriage and that will be an end to it all, I know there are women out there praying for children and I’m saying things like this, it just makes me feel like a compleat and utter monster.

Pink you sound really upset. I’m sure you don’t need to have it spelled out to you that you don’t have to go ahead with the pregnancy, and maybe that would be a better outcome for you?

I can't relate age wise as I'm 28 but I'm having baby no 3 my other children are 9 & 3(nearly 4) we wanted another one and we was happy when we found out... But I've been totally exhausted since day dot up until 29 weeks.(now 30+4) I've not been able do nothing with my other kids other than just sit in. The days we have gone out I've been so drained and it's affected me the day after so much that I've been having to have sleeps through the day. How many times I've said to dh I feel so guilty because I can't do alot with the other kids and I literally can't wait till I've had the baby just to be able sit on the floor and play with my youngest littlest things but I still find time for them altho it is hard. I havnt ever considered abortion and wouldn't but that's just me. Of course abortion is the best choice for some people.
I don't think it will effect your other children's lives at all. My kids are so excited to have a baby brother on the way and we will still go on holidays we will still go on days out.. Having a baby doesn't have to limit you to where you can go. Yes life will be different but in a great way. X

@Pink65 you sound very upset and maybe going to the drs could help if your midwife isnt helping. I'm having my first at nearly 30 so your not too old.

Please dont wish a miscarriage, there are many people on here (myself included) who have been through a miscarriage and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's horrible, especially when your told you can't have a baby and when you do fall it gets taken away from you.

There are many people that can help talk you through it, have you got any friends that can help? Or your husband?

All the best x

To be honest, I'm a bit confused, you wanted a third. That can't have been that long ago. What has changed in the last year or two? You can do holidays, your lives won't change massively. But you need to decide what you want to do. Think you're over thinking the age. Your husband is 40! 🙄That's pretty young and let's face it, you never know what life is going to throw at you, some people die at 25etc.