What is it like to have a baby MANY years after your first?

[mywrencalls]

I'm 37, newly pregnant. Initial plan was to come off the pill and spend the next year or so casually trying without pressure. Although it seems there wasn't much trying involved as I am now pregnant five weeks after taking my last the pill
Hubby is thrilled, as am I... I am just feeling a little overwhelmed and somewhat concerned about the fact that my first and only child is 20 years old and I am, to say the least, very much out of practice with anything baby related!

I almost feel as though I am a first time mum since it has been so long since my child was a baby or even a young child, not to mention I was a child myself when I became a mother.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? Did it work out well? Did you enjoy motherhood more being older and wiser etc?

Any reassurance would be gratefully received! Everything is so different now, there are apps, and new baby gadgets, and the internet full of advice (and opinions). I didn't have all that the first time, it's so daunting

Hi im 34 and 13+3 I have been trying for a baby since my youngest was born (almost 11 years) so the gap isn't as big as yours but wow I'm knackered really knackered really sick all the time. I do worry about the gap but I have 2 girls age almost 11 and 13. I was told due to endo and pcos I was infertile and would never have another. I have also had a tube removed due to ruptured ectopic. So we feel very lucky to have this miracle baby. It is all very different from 1st time round.

I'm 35 soon to be 36 the same day my daughter will be born with the looks! And I have a 16/11 year old so feel very much like it's my first 🤣🤣

my 8 week old was born on my 36th birthday (gatecrasher!) and I have a 15 year old DD and a 12 year old DD. Don’t get me wrong I’m way more tired than I remember being when I had my first two but it’s brilliant. They are smitten with her and it’s like having 4 adults parenting her!

I’m 39 and have DS 15 week old and 14 year old. Be prepared for it to be significantly more physically demanding - I wasn’t. First pregnancy was a breeze with a super fast labour and quick recovery. 15 years on, this pregnancy was difficult, induced labour and I’ve needed specialist physio to improve hip, back and pelvic damage. Obviously everyone is different but I wish I’d done more in early pregnancy to fully prepare myself for the later stages. I somehow assumed it would be a case of ‘same again’.

My ds's are 33, 20 and 12. I was also a child when I had my eldest! It felt like starting again each time. I was 39 when I had ds3 and really felt the difference in levels of tiredness. They are all really close though. Ds3 says he feels like an only child now that ds2 is at university. I feel a bit sorry for him being left at home with dh and me.

A friend of my parents as a 33 year age gap between her oldest and youngest. She had the first at 15, then at 48 had what she thought was the menopause..... which turned out to be a 10lb baby. Said 10lb baby is 11 now and is completely doted on by his much older siblings, and they all seem pretty happy.

Hi
I had my first at 26 and my second at 43 - he’s eleven months now and my daughter is 18
It’s been amazing
Had an easier pregnancy, no sickness this time - in fact I didn’t know I was pregnant until 14 weeks
He’s an absolute bundle of joy, always happy and giggly
Even though I’m in my forties I’ve got loads of energy, don’t really feel any different to when I was 26, apart from actually feeling more confident this time round
Carried on with normal life up to the day I went in to be induced, Back in my normal clothes/weight within a couple of weeks
My daughter loves him to bits and will babysit 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

So many wonderful replies, thank you! I'm not feeling as overwhelmed tonight as I did yesterday. Going to just take it all a day at a time.

It’s a small age gap in comparison, but I’m due my second baby in February and there will be 7.5 years between. I’m looking forward to feeling more confident this time round

It's a relief to see that I'm not tye only one!

I'm 34 and 32+2 with my second child - my first is 14.

I had a 23years age gap between my Dd's.
I had Dd2 at 38 (she was a surprise).
I definitely felt my age with Dd2.
When I had her, 2 of Dd1's friends from school gave birth at the same time.

@parkheadParadise Did you enjoy it the second time around? Was it easy to adapt?

I 37 and have an 18 year gap between my children. My son is 18 and I have an 11 month old daughter, it was a shock at first but so worth it. The pregnancy 2nd time round I felt more anxious because I'm more aware now then when I was 18 of what could potentially go wrong luckily all was fine . Definantly more patient and confident as a mum with my daughter.

I'm now 21 weeks pregnant with another baby girl as hubby and I thought it would be nice to have 2 close in age

ah this is a great thread! I am having my third, my eldest is 10, will be 11.So not a massive gap (also youngest will be 8) but still does feel a long time ago.
I will be 37, but still feel young :)

@flissity I feel really young too, and it feels very strange to have a 20 year old that has left home and gone to Uni because I still feel so young haha. One minute I think I must be crazy for starting all over again, but at the same time I feel like a first time mum embarking on a brand new adventure

@csmw Thank you for that, that is reassuring, I'm a worrier but I know I'm a hell of a lot wiser and smarter than I was at 17, and hopefully more chilled out. I figure if I can do it at 17, I can certainly do it now!

A friend of mine had her 1st when she was 16 and her 2nd after a 24 year gap! She then went on to have a 3rd 2 years later.

She says she was much more knackered but everything went smoothly :)

@mywrencalls
I had Dd1 when I was 15. We were very close as we grew up together really.
It was never in my plans to have anymore. Dd2 was definitely a surprise.
Life is very different this time round.
I'm married, finacially stable and was able to be at home with Dd2.
It's actually very bittersweet for me, when I was 7mths pregnant with dd2, Dd1 died suddenly in tragic circumstances.
Dd2 has been my reason for living she'll be 4 next month. She's one of the best thing's that's happened to us.

My cousin had 18 years between her youngest and 2nd child - oldest was 21 years older than the new baby. She had quite a lot of sark from the wider family who thought she was mad, because both of the older children had left home and she'd "got her life back". I had my youngest 6 months before her, with a 9 year age gap, so was thrilled for her. We're 3 months apart in age so it was nice for me to be able to support another older mum.

See it as having two only children, as they'll never be having the same experiences / toys / school etc.

@ParkheadParadise I'm so sorry to read your post about your loss💐

Not as big an age gap here, I'm 37 and 12+4 and DD will be almost 9 when DC2 is born. But I am dreading telling her! She has no desire for a sibling and never has. She has also been known to say 'yuk' when she sees a baby (she is very lovely although I'm not giving a good impression of her)

I'm currently keeping myself awake at night worrying about how to get her on board!

@DontCallMeDaisy
Dd1 was the opposite when younger, she was desperate for a sibling.
When it happened she was 23!!! Believe me she was not impressed 😂😂😂

Have not rtft - will come back to :)

I had my second ten years after my first and honestly? It's brilliant!! I feel more mature and sorted compared with being a young mum. But I have the experience of having done it before, so I have a sort of confidence most ftms don't have. Also the longer term outlook. I know what I do now won't last forever and when he's 5 nobody will know when he walked etc.

Some things I've forgotten and feel like a newbie again. Some things have changed - prams, car seats, sleeping products, formula/weaning advice. But not by a huge amount and I use a mixture of looking at the latest things, what I can remember of the old advice and my gut feeling.

Someone said to me what a treat it must be (but hard work too) and that is exactly it. I do feel like it's a treat to get to go back to those years again. And Smartphones - total game changer. Ignore the pointless baby tracking apps, but do look at huckleberry (just use for sleep), baby sleep (white noise maker), some kind of photo back up and baby check. These are genuinely useful.

I didn't have that much of a gap but I was a Young first time mum too, had my 1st at 17 2nd at 18 and 3rd at 20, so 3 under 3. When my youngest was 9 I had my 4th and 2 years later had my 5th. Even with only a 9 year gap everything had changed and I'd forgotten everything (don't worry it comes back the second their born) I found it much harder this time round I'm tired but so much more laid back. I've enjoyed it so much more this time round.

@ParkheadParadise - I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot even begin to imagine. Thank you so much for all your wonderful replies and advice x

@BertieBotts Thank you for your reply! I find myself getting more and more worried about how I will cope this time around, especially now that I am used to not having a child around or anyone to look after, I'm sure it'll be a worth while shock to the system though haha.

@tomatosoup4 With my 20 year gap I have definitely forgotten literally everything ...Being a teen mum wasn't exactly welcomed with positivity and joy and so I think I just muddled through quietly, I'm hoping this time around my experience isn't tinged with the shame and disappointment! Although I'm sure some will call me crazy for starting all over again, haha.

I'm expecting DC2 and my son will be a month from turning 12 when I'm due. For years all I heard from him was "why can't I have a brother
Or sister?" (We has unexplained secondary infertility which turned out to actually caused by me having undiagnosed endometriosis). Now that this baby is coming along he's absolutely horrified, saying he wanted one then but not now and grumbles and makes snarky comments whenever the baby is mentioned.
Anyone had similar experiences? Please tell me if he's better when the baby is born?

I'm 39 and 12+5 weeks' pg with my fiancé - this will be his first baby. I have two children from my ex-husband who will be 10 and almost 13 when baby is born.

Tbh I am dreading telling them. I currently share care 50:50 (court enforced) with my ex and I just know he is going to use the baby as a "bartering tool" in an attempt to gain more custody. He doesn't want the kids more (he works all of the hours under the sun), but he would see it as a way to hurt me as he is still furious I left him almost five years on.

Any advice re how to break the news to them would be most gratefully received 😊