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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is it ok to have a preference?

21 replies

Imapoor · 18/11/2019 16:45

For a certain sex?

I didn’t find out the sex of DC1 when I was expecting. Had a found out what I was having I think I would have been disappointed.

Now I’m expecting DC2 and we said we’ll find out before the birth but I have a preference and now I feel bad and worried I’ll be disappointed...

OP posts:

MustardScreams · 18/11/2019 16:49

Why would be disappointed? Preferences to one sex or the other are usually based on misconceived assumptions of what it is to be male or female.

You have no idea what type of personality your child is going to have. I know it’s easy to say, but just being happy that baby is healthy and everything is growing as it should be should be no.1 concern.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 18/11/2019 16:51

It's ok to have a preference. I always hoped I'd have a boy first. Once I got to about 17 weeks I decided I didn't care. By 19 weeks I wanted a girl, which is what we had!

I wouldn't have been bothered either way as long as the baby was healthy really, looking back.

SparkleUK · 18/11/2019 16:55

It doesn't make you a bad person or that you should berate yourself for having a preference.
I was absolutely convinced (I have no idea why, possibly silly conceptions of how life would be with a girl) I wanted a girl first and was sure I'd be a little upset if I wasn't having one.
However, seeing them be confirmed as a healthy boy at the scan was so emotional and all that really matters is that he is loved and healthy. From that moment I've been absolutely over the moon he's a boy and can't imagine anything else because he's our baby and he's doing well so far touch wood.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself to 'feel' a certain way but maybe think more about the greatness children as a whole bring to your life not their sex.
Best wishes for your pregnancy

Boymummy3 · 18/11/2019 16:58

Of course its OK to have a preference! I genuinely think deep down everyone does at some point.
My 1st I was convinced I was having a girl... I had a boy and I was so happy we had a boy.
2nd I really wanted another boy.. We had our 2nd boy
This one I wanted a girl... We are having our 3rd boy.
I've never been dissapointed though as it is what it is... Its your baby that you have made and yeah it would've been nice to have a girl after two boys but it doesn't bother me in the slightest. The love you feel for your kids is the same no matter what their sex is xx

Mangoandlimes · 18/11/2019 17:09

It's fine to have a preference, lots of people probably do, they just don't admit to it. But in the nicest possible way, remember all the people on the TTC boards here who would be utterly over the moon with either sex, so don't dwell on it too much. Once the baby is here you'll love them just the same!

Original poster

Imapoor · 18/11/2019 17:18

Thanks all. I think because I had/have PND with my first I’m worried that I’ll get it again and that me focusing on the baby’s sex is just part of that?

I also had a traumatic miscarriage before this pregnancy so I should be happy the baby’s healthy. Although I’ve already convinced myself there’s something wrong so

OP posts:

Bluerussian · 18/11/2019 17:18

If you have a preference that's just the way it is but most people don't care when their baby is born as long as she or he is fine. I didn't care one way or the other, nor would it have mattered had I had two of the same sex. Kids are kids.

Sleepycat91 · 18/11/2019 17:20

We had a preference to another boy at the beginning but were having a girl and that was just fine by us. We weren't disappointed and looking forward to having her x

Lalla525 · 18/11/2019 19:09

I think it's perfectly fine to have a preference and you should not beat yourself up for it. However, you must love whatever pops out.

BarleyG · 18/11/2019 20:49

It’s absolutely fine to have a preference. I really wanted another girl this time, and I’m not going to lie - I’m so happy it’s another girl!
That doesn’t mean if she was a boy I would want to send her back

whiskersonkittenss · 18/11/2019 20:53

I was convinced my baby was a girl, I'd even had weird dreams shortly before I found out I was pregnant that I had a daughter. And all of my dreams after that were about a baby girl too.
Went for a private gender scan at 16 weeks to be told he was a boy. I was gobsmacked. I was a bit down for a few hours as I felt like my brain had sabotaged me. But I was fine and got used to it quickly. Very happy to be having a son now!!
At my scans I do ask them to confirm he's definitely a boy each time just so I don't have to return all of the boys clothes I've bought

Weathergirl1 · 18/11/2019 21:03

It's absolutely fine. I wanted a girl (without going into details it wasn't so I could dress her in pink & as a family, DH and Ok were always determined that whatever the sex, we wouldn't be stereotyping) and was pretty upset when we found out it was a boy as we won't be having a 2nd one. That said, our little man has only been with us 11 days and he is wonderful, because he's ours!

Weathergirl1 · 18/11/2019 21:05

*I (no idea why it autocorrected to OK!)

BettyBizzghetti · 18/11/2019 21:10

I only ever wanted girls. I had a boy first time round. I fell completely in love with boys as a result. Second time round, I wanted another boy, because that was what I was used to, and because DS was the greatest love of my life. I worried that I couldn't have enough love to give to a second child, even if it was another boy. Second child was a girl. I loved her just as much as my boy, obviously. And so on. When it comes down to it, all you want is a healthy baby. You will love them whatever.

KindnessCrusader · 18/11/2019 21:20

I think you sometimes have an image in your head of what your life will be like. I was convinced I'd have 5 girls, even when I was a teenager (didn't have my first until I was 23) I'd even named them! I was convinced my first was a girl, and she was. Also convinced #2 and #4 were girls. Both boys! I'm now the proud owner of a girl and 3 boys. I wasn't disappointed when I met any one of them. I was shocked, though!

grandmasterstitch · 18/11/2019 21:44

This is why we didn't find out. I kind of wanted a girl and knew if I found out it was a boy I would be disappointed. I figured finding out at the birth I wouldn't care because the baby was here. Turns out I did have a boy and if I'm totally honest, I was slightly disappointed. I had been so sure it was a girl. Within the space of a few hours though I wouldn't have changed him for the world

Kinsters · 19/11/2019 04:06

I think its totally ok to have a preference, even if its irrational you can't help how you feel and its better to acknowledge your own feelings and work through them rather than try and bury them as being unreasonable or stupid. It's better to find out earlier imo as then you can get used to the idea and think of all the positives and you're not worrying about it.

LauraPalmersBodybag · 19/11/2019 04:43

It’s fine to have a preference, pleased don’t be shamed into thinking otherwise.

FWIW, I strongly wanted another girl with my second pregnancy and really suffered when I found out we were having a boy. He’s here now and I couldn’t imagine having any other baby but him and I’m delighted to have a son.

It’s important for your feelings to be valid, whatever you feel.

saturdayblues · 19/11/2019 07:08

I really hoped to have a boy, mostly due to my own issues. I was bullied at school, hated the way I looked and had zero confidence, and I didn’t want a daughter to go through the same experience that I did.

I also felt (irrationally) that a boy would naturally be more like DH - who’s confident and outgoing - and a girl would be more like me.

Found out that I’m having a girl and I’m now having to confront a lot of my painful anxieties from the past and figure out how I can raise a strong, confident daughter.

I’m glad I found out in advance as it’s not something I’d want to deal with after the birth!

Stegosaurus1990 · 19/11/2019 07:26

I desperately wanted a girl. We didn’t want to find out but the sonographer at our 20wk scan referred to baby as “he” it was pretty clear. I cried on the way home and got really upset.

Then defensive mum mode kicked in, I made my peace with it and when my DS arrived I just thought he was the most perfect thing. I really don’t have a preference for the sex of the next baby. I’m totally happy with my boy and think you’ll love them for them no matter what.

Aneley · 19/11/2019 16:59

I really hoped for a boy, DH really hoped for a girl. We're having a girl, its our first and we couldn't be happier. Having a preference is ok, I think, as long as it doesn't lead to exclusion of the other option. I thought about my own preference and realized I really just wanted a tiny version of my husband (he was a super-cute baby) and imagined that ever since we started planning a family. It had nothing to do with 'boys are better' or anything else.

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